Obama Is Not a Good President

Obama is not very good at being president. I wish I could give more constructive criticism, but he just really sucks at it. His best course of action would be to resign and hope someone better takes over, but maybe he’s afraid no one else will give him another job after they saw how he did as president.

“I’m not going to let you manage this Arby’s. You’ll just stand around useless when there’s a crisis such as us running out of Horsey Sauce.”

Not only is he is a bad president and a bad choice to manage an Arby’s, he’s not even a very good person. Like if you had an opening for someone to be a person and were interviewing candidates, I don’t think Obama would get that job. A well-trained German Shepherd would probably be chosen over him. Yeah, a German Shepherd doesn’t make an ideal person as it can’t talk or operate a doorknob, but it at least appears to be aware of its surroundings and care for other people. These are qualities we like in a person that a German Shepherd has and Obama lacks. Plus, I’ve seen no real evidence that Obama knows how to operate a doorknob.

Anyway, my point is that come 2012, we should probably get someone else as president who doesn’t suck so much. We have like 300,000,000 people in America, and my guess is that most of them would make a better president than Obama. You’d think we’d want the best of the best to be president, but I’d settle for someone not in the bottom 10% in being president. There could be a slogan for the 2012 Republican presidential candidate: “The odds of him being worse than Obama are extremely low to the point that they should be disregarded.” A little clunky, but I think it gets the point across.

47 Comments

  1. Plus, German Shepherd Dogs have the advantage that they can bark menacingly at enemies, causing much pants-wettage. In fact, they’ll go the extra mile and bite selected enemies in the buttocks. Just for a moment, ponder on a German Shepherd Dog with access to nuclear weapons. The only downside I see is that we’d have to give mail carriers different uniforms in order to protect them from the ire of an all powerful Shepherd.

  2. Here’s a list of jobs Obama can do:
    – Greeter at Walmart (If they let him use a teleprompter, that is.)
    – Ballast
    – Manage a Roach Motel (Roaches check in but they don’t check out!)
    – Carry Moochelles organic groceries
    – Be the new Joe Izuzu
    – Be a Nascar driver (Look! They’re making a left turn! Look, they’re making another left turn!)

  3. I am very glad to see you all complimenting the finest breed of dog in the world.

    I love my German Shepherd. Here are some interesting notes about her:

    * She can pet herself. Stick your hand in front of her and she’ll walk up and rub her head against it.
    * When thirsty, she picks up her water bowl, carries it around, and always drops it so that it rolls around and makes a lot of noise.
    * She eats those horrible stinkbugs without hesitation.
    * She doesn’t hate America and the traditional principles of America.

    Obama can pet himself and pick up his water bowl but he probably finds that degrading. He lives in a climate-controlled atmosphere with no stinkbugs. American exceptionalism to him is like communism to us.

    My dog wins!

  4. DamnCat,

    Let us bridge the long-established line of antagonistic activities between feline and canine and come together across species lines to help get a German Shepherd into office. I’m sure that a cat could make a find VP. Think about it – the dog would get to run around all day and that would make him happy. As VP, the cat could curl up and a take a nap in the window. Really, it’s a win-win.

    Plus, if a dog were in office no one would really care if he humps all the females around him.

    Marko, what’s your German Shepherd’s name? If we all band together, we could probably get her a percentage of the vote in 2012.

  5. Why waste a german Shepard, a poodle would be better than 0bahmah. Heck a stink bug would be better than ohbahmah.

    Proud’s list of jobs that one could do, seem way to far over his head.

    Frank is right, that one just isn’t a good person, president, or doorstop. However, in his defense, he can smear a window with his face.

  6. Carolyn – you are right. A cat would make a fine VP we have a natural apptitude for not doing anything, we never say anything as stupid as what Biden does, and we’re all as good looking as Sarah Palin.

    The real question is – can we get Marko’s dog to run as a democrat? That way we can’t lose.

    hwuu – I want that on a tee shirt with a picture of Zippy the Pinhead

  7. I grew up with a German Sheperd that ruined dogs for me. She was so smart other dogs are like dullards next to her. Just like Obama is a dullard next to a pile of gravel.

    The list of people who would make a better president than Obama is long and not all that distinguished, thouh. It includes names like Pee Wee Herman, Herman Munster, Bozo The Clown, Robbie The Robot and a side of Bacon!.

  8. Any member of the Brotherhood Of Bacon Eating Bastids would make a better president. Isn’t Marko’s dog the president of that organization? Or is it Marko? In either case, Marko and his dog in the White House! DamnCat and his cat can be Secretary and Undersecretary of State, or sumpin’ (although cat’s don’t make good secretaries).

  9. My German Sheperd hated cats. She would just go nuts! But then, she didn’t like other dogs either.

    Jimmy, not only would any member of The International Brotherhood And Sisterhood Of Bacon Eating Bastids And Beatches make a better President than Obama, a single slice of our beloved bacon would be a better President. Once again, The Bacon Option is the solution.

  10. When the going gets tough, I take a coffee break. Unless it’s late afternoon, and then it’s beer. And no, I’m not a “drunken Irishman.” Just semi-retired. And not the brainbox!

    We’re scrêwed. US revenues can’t even meet our mandatory disbursements.

  11. Obama’s actions as President:

    failing economy – present
    high unemployment rate – focused like a laser on “present”
    B.P. oil spill – kicking “present”‘s ass
    Iraq – present
    border security – present
    Iraq’s nuke production – present
    Closing Gitmo – voted against it before voting present
    health care bill – present
    Egypt – present
    Libya – present
    Japanese Tsunami – Picked NCAA brackets which was a televised event, played golf, and going to Rio for the weekend to relax – it’s been a long week.

    well, maybe his goal is to set the record for rounds of golf played as president – he’s at over 60 now and he’s only some 2 years into his presidency. He’s already beaten all presidents (including Bush for his entire 8 years) already except 1 – Woodrow Wilson, who played some 1200 rounds as president, no wonder he was too busy to help out with WWI. I hope that that’s what his presidential plan is – to set the record for rounds of golf played during a presidency. It’s harmless, and it keeps him from doing something stupid that the next president will have to clean up, but he’s got his work cut out for him since it’s much harder to play 1200 rounds of golf in only 4 years (Wilson had 8). I guess we can take 4 years of mediocrity in 200+ years of exceptionalism. In the grand scheme of things that’s still not bad.

  12. “I’ll take ‘Obviously True Statements’ for 200, Alex.”

    “O-bah-muhh Is Not A Good President.”

    “What is the American People’s opinion of O-bah-muhh?, Alex.”

  13. Blarg, turns out – for real – that not only was Obama’s campaign a joke, so is his presidency.

    But Frank likes him doing a whole lotta nothing. Frank’s position is a little simplistic, however, since Obama HAS been doin’ a whole lotta lyin’, which ain’t exactly nothin’.

  14. “The odds of him being worse than Obama are extremely low to the point that they should be disregarded.”

    I’d agree with that, if only we weren’t in the throes of the Funniest End of Civilization Ever.

    The problem is that the “Unnamed Republican” eventually gets named.

    And then we all get screwed.

    If, 10 years ago, someone had told me that Joe Biden would be the best choice for president, I’d have punched that stupid hippy in the face.
    Now? I’m kind of surprised Rush Limbaugh hasn’t said it yet.

  15. I am only half Irish, does that mean I am only half as drunk? That booger in the White House is non-Irish, does that make him a coward commie bent on the destruction of our great nation? Answer yes and YAYASSSSSS!

  16. A weener dog would be a better POTUS than Obama! And nothing is as useless as a Weener Dog!!! They are stupid and all yappy! But they would be more interesting to listen to and much smarter than Barry! Plus it would be fun to say Weener all the time!!!

  17. ussjimmycarter, you are correct about the miniature or toy weeners; useless yappers. The original, full-sized breed, however, was bred to go after badgers – Dachshund means “Badger Hound” in German. Stupid, yes – a smart dog would know better than to dig out a badger – but wonderfully brave and tenacious. Great guard dogs (they do bark a lot, but that’s not a bad thing in a guard dog). Superior to POTUS in every way. Weener dogs bow to no one (they really have nowhere to go, bow-wise). Plus, weener dog races are a hoot to watch. And – they will do just about anything for bacon. (Mmmm, bacon.) Weeners and bacon – a winning combination! (Somehow, we have got to make “weeners and bacon” a 2012 campaign slogan. It just sounds right.)

  18. Mcdonalds? Maybe? As the guy who cleans the floor?

    I mean, they’d have to deal with the reappearing bucket… but I’m sure there is at least a few smart people who work there that can remove it – daily.

  19. “We have like 300,000,000 people in America, and my guess is that most of them would make a better president than Obama.”

    Yet, we keep hearing that the only guy we can nominate is Mitt Romney?

  20. I’ll know the election was rigged and Obummer wants to be prez for life if he ‘wins’ another term. Afterward, he’ll simply cancel elections and declare martial law, making himself prez for life.

  21. “The odds of him being worse than Obama are extremely low to the point that they should be disregarded.”

    Obama got elected because many of the voters thought the same thing about GWB.

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