Straight Line of the Day: Kathleen Sebelius Said That Sharknado Injuries Would Be Covered Under Obamacare. Also Covered…

[High Praise! to James for the suggestion]

Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.

Kathleen Sebelius said that Sharknado injuries would be covered under Obamacare. Also covered…

61 Comments

  1. Kathleen Sebelius said that Sharknado injuries would be covered under Obamacare. Also covered…

    would be the human victims of sharknadoes, what? You didn’t think she wasn’t talking about the sharks now, did you?

  2. Kathleen Sebelius said that Sharknado injuries would be covered under Obamacare. Also covered…

    Everyone in the world who haven’t had the opportunity to come to America as undocumented future Democrats. Yet.

  3. Kathleen Sebelius said that Sharknado injuries would be covered under Obamacare. Also covered…

    All injuries related to the actual events of

    1) The Day After
    2) Inconvenient Truth
    3) Ashes to Honey
    4) Butterfly
    5) Clouds of smoke
    6) Crude
    7) Delicate Balance
    8) Eco-Pirate
    9) Food Inc.
    10) Future of Food
    11) Sharkwater
    12) Ultimate Tornado
    13) Vanishing of the Bees
    14) Who killed the electric car?
    15) Any movie with a liberal agenda and/or world view.

  4. …being a liberal who truly is colorblind, requiring retroactive knee jerk reactions.

    …lobotomies for people who don’t make an O face when they say Obama.

    …Jackson-Sharptonnado injuries when race hustlers get their undies in a twist circling the blood in the liberal waters.

  5. Kathleen Sebelius said that Sharknado injuries would be covered under Obamacare. Also covered…

    …would depend on the definition of the word “be”.

    …are any injuries sustained during the war between the states.

    …is mental anguish from continuing to lose at checkers to the computer.

    …is lethargy after collecting 208 weeks of unemployment benefits

  6. Kathleen Sebelius said that Sharknado injuries would be covered under Obamacare. Also covered…

    … Male Pattern Baldness.

    … Scurvy.

    … Depression.

    … Malnutrition.

    … and all other ills and Side-Effects caused by the Good Ideas of our wonderful Progressive Government policies.

  7. Kathleen Sebelius said that Sharknado injuries would be covered under Obamacare. Also covered…

    Everything in a Monty Python Love Song.

    Inflammation of the foreskin
    Reminds me of your smile
    I’ve had balanital chancroids
    For quite a little while
    I gave my heart to NSU (Non-Specific Urethritis)
    That lovely night in June
    I ache for you, my darling,
    And I hope you’ll get well soon

    My penile warts, your herpes,
    My syphilitic sore,
    Your monilial infection
    How I miss you more and more
    Your dobies itch my scrum-pox
    Ah, lovely gonorrhea
    At least we both were lying
    When we said that we were clear

    Our syphilitic kisses,
    Sealed the secret of our tryst
    You gave me scrotal pustules
    With a quick flick of your wrist
    Your trichovaginitis
    Sent shivers down my spine
    I got snail tracks in my anus
    When your spirochetes met mine

    Gonococcal urethritis
    Streptococcal balanitis
    Meningomyelitis
    Diplococcal catholitis
    Epidydimitis
    Interstitial keratitis
    Syphilitic coronitis
    And anterior ureitis.

    My clapped-out genitalia
    Is not so bad for me
    As the complete and utter failure
    Every time I try to pee
    My doctor says my buboes
    Are the worst he’s ever seen
    My scrotum’s painted orange
    And my balls are turning green

    My heart is very tender
    Though my parts are awful raw
    You might have been infected
    But you never were a bore
    I’m dying of your love, my love
    I’m your spirochaetal clown
    I’ve left my body to science
    But I’m afraid they’ve turned it down

    Gonococcal urethritis
    Streptococcal balanitis
    Meningomyelitis
    Diplococcal catholitis
    Epidydimitis
    Interstitial keratitis
    Syphilitic coronitis
    And anterior ureitis.

  8. Kathleen Sebelius said that Sharknado injuries would be covered under Obamacare. Also covered…

    things that Kathleen Sebelius doesn’t think should be discussed in polite company.

  9. Kathleen Sebelius said that Sharknado injuries would be covered under Obamacare. Also covered…

    will be Obama’s golf game.

    Sandra Fluke’s sheet cleaning bill.

    the Cahones transplant procedure for the new Sec. of State

  10. …Rockin’ Pneumonia and the Boogie Woogie Flu.

    …most Klingon illnesses.

    …having your arms ripped out of their sockets, unless it’s a result of upsetting the First Lady.

  11. ……..unicorns who find it difficult to deficate rainbow and those with rainbow diarrhea.

    …….what isn’t coved is anything affecting anyone over 70 years old other wise known as units. (look it up, it’s really in there. )

  12. …injuries caused by you jumping up and singing “Shake Your Love” when Tiffany and Debbie Gibson start fighting in a cake again

    …damages caused during riots at US consulates in the event it ever gets released on YouTube.

    …stiff necks from shaking your head every time another facet of Obamacare is revealed

    …Garlic, for warding off Nancy Pelosi when she leaves her crypt to feed

    …Pabst Blue Ribbon beer. That was thrown in to get a Tennessee senator to vote yes

  13. … Pills for whatever that ‘pain at the pump’ thing is.

    … Joint medication for liberals who have twisted themselves into knots trying to defend Obamacare

    … Repetitive stress injuries in democrats who jump up and cheer whenever Obama opens his mouth.

    … Swooning couches for the press section

  14. Pingback: IMAO » Blog Archive » You’ve Been Judged!

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