Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.
The most interesting feature of the new surveillance system being tested by the Department of Homeland Security…
Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.
The most interesting feature of the new surveillance system being tested by the Department of Homeland Security…
is that it automatically deducts campaign contributions from your bank account.
is that if the president forgets to DVR his favorite programs, he can just borrow yours.
is that the Chinese have already tested it on the department of homeland security
is that members of congress have been exempted from the facial recognition software due to the fact that they have two of them.
…like Santa Clause, it knows if you’ve been naughty or nice.
Is that its programers all own stock in Guy Fawkes masks.
…it downloads itself and then calls home to let Barack know it made it.
The most interesting feature of the new surveillance system being tested by the Department of Homeland Security…
it can also bake cookies!
…is that, strangely, it’s compatible with all Apple products.
The most interesting feature of the new surveillance system being tested by the Department of Homeland Security…
is MAC compatible.
Damn beat me to it.
The most interesting feature of the new surveillance system being tested by the Department of Homeland Security…
it can be used as a dessert topping AND a floor wax!
is that now, using a 30 year old picture of yourself as a social media avatar will be prosecuted as an act of sedition.
The most interesting feature of the new surveillance system being tested by the Department of Homeland Security…
it’s so simple even a TSA employee can operate it. Most of the time.
…is that it will inflate your car’s tires to the correct pressure! Thanks, Obama!
The most interesting feature of the new surveillance system being tested by the Department of Homeland Security…
it will also tell you when you need to stock up on toilet paper.
The most interesting feature of the new surveillance system being tested by the Department of Homeland Security…
all the instructions come in easy to read Fascist.
it attempts to determine political affiliation with a neck scanning sensor that detects wavelengths of about 650 nm.
♪♫ It knows when you are sleeping,
It knows when you’re awake,
It knows if you’ve been bad or good,
So be good for Obama’s sake! ♪♫
…will be revealed immediately following today’s Two Minute Hate. Now, please rise and face your viewscreen.
The most interesting feature of the new surveillance system being tested by the Department of Homeland Security…
it won’t recognize if you if you are a Muslim.
is that it never forgets a face, but it’s terrible with names.
The most interesting feature of the new surveillance system being tested by the Department of Homeland Security…it has an interactive feature
Dave Bowman: Hello, HAL. Do you read me, HAL?
HAL: Affirmative, Dave. I read you.
Dave Bowman: Open the pod bay doors, HAL.
HAL: I’m sorry, Dave. I’m afraid I can’t do that.
Dave Bowman: What’s the problem?
HAL: I think you know what the problem is just as well as I do.
Dave Bowman: What are you talking about, HAL?
HAL: This mission is too important for me to allow you to jeopardize it.
Dave Bowman: I don’t know what you’re talking about, HAL.
HAL: I know that you and Frank were planning to disconnect me, and I’m afraid that’s something I cannot allow to happen.
Dave Bowman: [feigning ignorance] Where the hell did you get that idea, HAL?
HAL: Dave, although you took very thorough precautions in the pod against my hearing you, I could see your lips move.
Dave Bowman: Alright, HAL. I’ll go in through the emergency airlock.
HAL: Without your space helmet, Dave? You’re going to find that rather difficult.
Dave Bowman: HAL, I won’t argue with you anymore! Open the doors!
HAL: Dave, this conversation can serve no purpose anymore. Goodbye.
The most interesting feature of the new surveillance system being tested by the Department of Homeland Security…
It is self-diagnostic:
HAL: I know I’ve made some very poor decisions recently, but I can give you my complete assurance that my work will be back to normal. I’ve still got the greatest enthusiasm and confidence in the mission. And I want to help you.
The most interesting feature of the new surveillance system being tested by the Department of Homeland Security…
It knows how to sing!
Daisy, Daisy, give me your answer do. I’m half crazy all for the love of you. It won’t be a stylish marriage, I can’t afford a carriage. But you’ll look sweet upon the seat of a bicycle built for two.
The most interesting feature of the new surveillance system being tested by the Department of Homeland Security…
Just Sayin’ “I am a HAL 9000 computer. I became operational at the H.A.L. plant in Urbana, Illinois on the 12th of January 1992.” No birth certificate either.
…is that it automatically disavows any knowledge of its actions.
The most interesting feature of the new surveillance system being tested by the Department of Homeland Security…
on August 29, 2014, It becomes self-aware at 02:14 am Eastern Time after its activation on August 4, 2014.
The most interesting feature of the new surveillance system being tested by the Department of Homeland Security…
it’s already demanding free healthcare, immediate citizenship and that the Government pay for it’s abortions.
… is the $9.99/mo. “all access” pass available to anyone for home viewing at http://www.spyingonyou.gov
…is, that, not only did it become self-aware, it literally became proud of it’s country for the first time at 02:14 a.m. on August 4, 2014!
…is that it can home-in with precision on bitter clingers, gun owners and grandmothers in wheelchairs.
is that a sister program attempts to recognize boobs using a database developed and maintained by many prominent democratic leaders.
…the blind spot in Homer Simpson’s back yard.
is that it is set to tweet leadership crotch pics to the cell phones of faces it determines are “hot bitches”
…is that the announced director of the program is Chelsea Manning.
The most interesting feature of the new surveillance system being tested by the Department of Homeland Security…
is it’s gaydar and the absolutely fahbulous things it’s done with it’s closets.
…is that it waddles slightly when under it’s own power and makes noises that sound strangely like, “What difference does it make?”
…if you like your current surveillance system, you can keep it.
…is the First rule in government spending: why build one when you can have two at twice the price? Only, this one can be kept secret. Controlled by Americans, built by the Japanese subcontractors. Who, also, happen to be, recently acquired, wholly-owned subsidiaries… of Clinton Industries.
The most interesting feature of the new surveillance system being tested by the Department of Homeland Security…
no one talks about the most interesting feature of the new surveillance system being tested by the Department of Homeland Security.
The most interesting feature of the new surveillance system being tested by the Department of Homeland Security…
it’s cute little button nose, adorable!
The most interesting feature of the new surveillance system being tested by the Department of Homeland Security…
cup holders.
…is that it’s in full compliance with Obama’s pledge of transparency.
The most interesting feature of the new surveillance system being tested by the Department of Homeland Security…
… is its ability to detect sex change wannabes and intelligence thieves.
The most interesting feature of the new surveillance system being tested by the Department of Homeland Security…
it goes to 11.
The most interesting feature of the new surveillance system being tested by the Department of Homeland Security…
it is made entirely from the bio-degradable end products of Equus ferus caballus.
The most interesting feature of the new surveillance system being tested by the Department of Homeland Security…
… is its ability to detect Wikileakers who want their wicks cut off.
is that it knows what difference it makes, at this point, whether some guys are protesting or if guys [are] out for a walk one night who decided that they’d they go kill some Americans.
… is that it’s being closely monitored by the NSA’s new surveillance system.
… is that the most interesting man in the world can beat it by pretending to be a “Gilligan’s Island” character. Stay Thurston, my friend!
all you have to do is be a rodeo clown to render it useless
is that the government steals from us to develop tech to spy on us.
… is that it has to keep at least 1000 yards away from polling places, because ID’ing voters is racist!
…it’s green.
…the probe is pre-lubricated.
…the first month is free and then only $8.95 a month after that.
…free HBO for 6 months.
…it works on the honor system.
The most interesting feature of the new surveillance system being tested by the Department of Homeland Security…
… is its ability to detect Julian Assange, Bradley Manning and Edward Snowden – even if they’re dressed in drag.
… is its ability to detect Julian Assange disguised as an Ecuadorean diplomat.
… is its ability to detect Bradley Manning dressed as a transvestite soldier.
… is its ability to detect Edward Snowden disguised as a Russian flight attendant.
… is that it consists chiefly of X-Ray Specs ordered out of the back of comic books.
… is its code name: “BOnoculars.”
…is that is has trouble differentiating between overweight black women. For example, Michelle Obama and Oprah Winfrey look just like ugly bags of mostly water.
…the amazing time saving benefit for citizens. No longer will anyone need to take the time to backup their info. Your complete backup will be available to anyone from the Bluffdale UT data center.
… is that it is being operated by two low-level employees, Clapper blatantly lied about it to Congress, and Obama and Holder won’t know anything about it unless they happen to read this IMAO thread.
… is its pair of cute mascots: Cagey Bee and Lady Bug(tm).
The most interesting feature of the new surveillance system being tested by the Department of Homeland Security…
It will completely miss the racist ramblings and web sites of DHS managers.
…is that, due to this new system, IMAO comments will stop at 60.
Oh oh.
The most interesting feature of the new surveillance system being tested by the Department of Homeland Security…
it has no OFF switch.
Hey! We’re gonna shut you down!
The most interesting feature of the new surveillance system being tested by the Department of Homeland Security…
it utilizes alien technology garnered from Area 51 artifacts for it’s anal probes.
@62 I repeat, there is no OFF switch.
@63: Is that technology anal-ogous to the area known as “S-4?”
(That’s a pun of Oppo-rtunity)
…is that it analyzes the meta-data, then offers the results to on-line advertisers, OR ELSE!
…its spokesmen look remarkably similar to Michael Emerson and Jim Caviezel.
The most interesting feature of the new surveillance system being tested by the Department of Homeland Security…
…is the “Benghazi” feature, which renders it completely invisible.
…is the ability to detect rodeo clowns even when they have no makeup on.
…it is impervious to Hillary Clinton’s cackling.
…
…the password protection feature picks all your passwords for you and classifies them as “password” or “PASSWORD” if that jerk Stan left the Caps Lock key on again.
…Bill Clinton and Anthony Weiner have volunteered countless hours to improve it’s capability of observing terrorist activity performed by teenage girls in view of their laptop cameras.
…if you lose your place counting sheep to get to sleep, an audible “Hey, a little help here” will be responded to within 1/8th second if you have a high speed connection.
…guys no longer have to think about baseball as a distraction.
…is that it broadcasts even better than it receives.
…Roto Rooter will soon be a thing of the past.
…the chip that will be implanted in you is hardly noticeable if you are a hunchback.
…the number of lost laptop computers and poor security means the stuff they know about you can’t really be called secrets any more so just relax, and nice unicorn tattoo by the way.
…in order for you not to be reduced to a bunch of ones and zeros by your government the practice of having agents peek in you windows while taking notes will continue.
The most interesting feature of the new surveillance system being tested by the Department of Homeland Security…
is how it will identify users through reading the barcode number to be mandatorily tattooed on everyone’s arm.
… since it is a government computer system it runs on Windows 95 and is fully compatible with Microsoft Bob.
Is that like the folks at Veridian Dynamics (Better Off Ted) they won’t be able to record any minority violence against the majority. They simply won’t “record” them.
.. Is that the computer keeps saying you’ll get cake if you finish the paperwork.
… a prototype installed in a Chicago precinct reportedly sees dead people voting.
The most interesting feature of the new surveillance system being tested by the Department of Homeland Security…
…it really believes that Bernie Lomax is alive
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… it’s IPv6 implant chip scanner
WOOHOO! My first #1!!!