So Ted Cruz is filibustering — or doing something like a filibuster — to stop Obamacare. And part of what he’s been saying in his many hours is trying to explain what a disaster Obamacare will be. People already know it’s bad, but it’s not even in full effect yet. But any day now, Obama will be like, “Now witness the firepower of this fully ARMED and OPERATIONAL health care law!” It’s hard to comprehend how bad that will be, so I’m trying to come up with some analogies to explain.
ANALOGIES FOR OBAMACARE.
* It’s the Hindenburg crashing into the Titanic.
* It’s a tall burning building toppling onto the fire station.
* It’s a nuclear bomb that only wipes out hospitals and your savings.
* It’s a train crashing head on into another train and they’re on a bridge and all the train cars rain down onto an orphanage below.
* It’s Miley Cyrus.
* It’ll be like you’re trapped in a burning building, but instead of “Break Glass in Case of Fire” to get to the extinguisher it’s “Open Clamshell Packaging in Case of Fire.”
* It’s the new Star Wars sequels directed by Joel Schumacher and starring Tyler Perry.
* It’s Gilbert Gottfried loudly narrating your life wherever you go.
* It’s New Coke, except it’s mandatory to drink and trying to obtain Classic Coke will get you arrested.
* It’s there’s a huge war looming, but the only recruits the military can get resemble the members of One Direction.
* It’s going on a blind date and finding it’s Debbie Wasserman Schultz who then roofies you and you wake up legally married to her.
My employer sent me the mandatory New Health Insurance Marketplace Coverage Options and Your Health Coverage letter. It is supposed to explain Obamacare to me but it reads more like them trying to justify to the government as to why I am allowed to keep my coverage with them
* It’s a 9.0 earthquake, a hurricane, a flood, a tornado and a blizzard all happening on the day you’re scheduled for a root canal on a tooth that has blown-up.
* It’s a freeway car wreck of 10,000 cars and 2,000 semi’s in California fog.
* It’s Michael Moore knocking at your door and asking to use your toilet. It will not come out well in the end.
It’s a crushing financial burden that is also detrimental to your health, and the administration can selectively enforce it upon its political enemies using the IRS.
It’s being up to your neck in a vat of pee, and someone throws poo at your head.
It’s a RedBox that only has the Twilight movies and Brokeback Mountain.
It’s the first step of making everything ‘free’ and Mandatory!
It’s Obama’s Middle East diplomacy – which isn’t really diplomacy – like Obamacare isn’t really health care. It’s just a lot of stumbling around blindly, wrecking stuff.
It’s like a monkey with a gun.
* It’s slipping on a fresh, steaming cow pie and hitting your head on a rake.
* It’s hurricane Katrina on a national scale.
* It’s the beginning of the end and the end of the beginning.
* It’s God saying, “I’m sending in Obamacare instead of meteors! Hahahahah.”
Like a monkey with a gun says DamnCat…. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EKxPE1G6V_A
* It’s your neighbor’s Chevy Volt catching fire in your garage.
* It’s your doctor amputating the wrong limb.
* It’s a flesh eating bacterial infection followed by gangrene followed by the above.
* It’s a murder of crows pooping on your car because they’re pissed at you (happened to me).
Cruz Compares Obamacare to Nightmare on Elm Street and Friday the 13th (Breitbart)
The post office and the DMV are having a baby and the IRS just garnished your paycheck to buy the mandatory baby shower gift.
It’s like it’s 1982 and all your Christmas presents were the ET atari game.
* It’s going on a blind date and finding it’s Debbie Wasserman Schultz who then roofies you and you wake up legally married to her.
great. Now you can just rock me back to sleep now. (Shudder)
Fixed it.
It’s a riddle wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a vest. And the pockets have poisonous snakes and scorpions and hippies in them.
Now you know what Joss Whedon’s “Cabin in the Woods” was a metaphor for.
It’s Heaven’s Gate or Reds or Fried Green Tomatos being on all the broadcast and cable channels during a winter in New England and if your not watching they’ll shut off your heat.
It’s an infinite number of basketfulls of porcupines being flung via trebuchets at an infinite number of playpens filled with button-nosed babies, puppies and kittens.
It’s an infinite number of ranting, senseless all-caps Jeanane Garofalo screeds posted on an infinite number of IMAO threads.
Les had an awesome one here
Geez, if I weren’t on vacation, I’d judge this one. Some awesome analogies 🙂
It’s like taking a vacation to Yellowstone, only to be unable to sign in at the front gate (because it is supposedly “closed” or “having a glitch due to high traffic”).
And if you’re one of the lucky fraction of a percent who DO manage to get in, you find an active super-volcano waiting for you.