Straight Line of the Day: John Kerry Said the Evidence for Climate Change Is “Irrefutable”. Also Irrefutable…

Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.

John Kerry said the evidence for climate change is “irrefutable”. Also irrefutable…

63 Comments

  1. John Kerry said the evidence for climate change is “irrefutable”. Also irrefutable…

    Obama is in the wrong pay grade.

    tomorrow is another day.

    what goes around, comes around.

    you find something in the last place you look for it.

    the Cubs suck.

    Oswald acted alone.

    Chuck Norris.

    it was Ms. Plum in the library with the candlestick!

  2. John Kerry said the evidence for climate change is “irrefutable”. Also irrefutable…
    he wounded himself with his own weapon in Vietnam
    doesn’t like ketchup, but loves his sweet, sweet ketchup money
    secretly spells ketchup catsup when Teresa’s not around
    looks like a dork when windsurfing
    is the living embodiment of the Peter Principle

  3. John Kerry said the evidence for climate change is “irrefutable”. Also irrefutable…

    Medieval Logic.

    FIRST VILLAGER
    We have found a witch. May we burn her?

    ALL
    A Witch! Burn her!

    BEDEVERE
    How do you know she is a witch?

    ALL
    She looks like one. Yes, she does.

    BEDEVERE
    Bring her forward.

    They bring her forward – a beautiful YOUNG GIRL (MISS ISLINGTON) dressed up
    as a witch.

    WITCH
    I am not a witch. I am not a witch.

    BEDEVERE
    But you are dressed as one.

    WITCH
    They dressed me up like this.

    ALL
    We didn’t, we didn’t!

    WITCH
    This is not my nose, It is a false one.

    BEDEVERE takes her nose off.

    BEDEVERE
    Well?

    FIRST VILLAGER
    … Well, we did do the nose.

    BEDEVERE
    The nose?

    FIRST VILLAGER
    And the hat. But she is a witch.

    ALL
    A witch, a witch, burn her!

    BEDEVERE
    Did you dress her up like this?

    FIRST VILLAGER
    … Um … Yes … no … a bit … yes… she has got a wart.

    BEDEVERE
    Why do you think she is a witch?

    SECOND VILLAGER
    She turned me into a newt.

    BEDEVERE
    A newt?

    SECOND VILLAGER
    (After looking at himself for some time)
    I got better.

    ALL
    Burn her anyway.

    BEDEVERE
    Quiet! Quiet! There are ways of telling whether she is a witch.

    ARTHUR and PATSY ride up at this point and watch what follows with interest

    ALL
    There are? Tell up. What are they, wise Sir Bedevere?

    BEDEVERE
    Tell me … what do you do with witches?

    ALL
    Burn them.

    BEDEVERE
    And what do you burn, apart from witches?

    FOURTH VILLAGER
    … Wood?

    BEDEVERE
    So why do witches burn?

    SECOND VILLAGER
    (pianissimo)
    … Because they’re made of wood…?

    BEDEVERE
    Good.

    PEASANTS stir uneasily then come round to this conclusion.

    ALL
    I see. Yes, of course.

    BEDEVERE
    So how can we tell if she is made of wood?

    FIRST VILLAGER
    Make a bridge out of her.

    BEDEVERE
    Ah … but can you not also make bridges out of stone?

    ALL
    Ah. Yes, of course … um … err …

    BEDEVERE
    Does wood sink in water?

    ALL
    No, no, It floats. Throw her in the pond Tie weights on her. To
    the pond.

    BEDEVERE
    Wait. Wait … tell me, what also floats on water?

    ALL
    Bread? No, no, no. Apples …. gravy … very small rocks …

    ARTHUR
    A duck.

    They all turn and look at ARTHUR. BEDEVERE looks up very impressed.

    BEDEVERE
    Exactly. So… logically …

    FIRST VILLAGER
    (beginning to pick up the thread)
    If she … weighs the same as a duck … she’s made of wood.

    BEDEVERE
    And therefore?

    ALL
    A witch! … A duck! A duck! Fetch a duck.

    FOURTH VILLAGER
    Here is a duck, Sir Bedevere.

    BEDEVERE
    We shall use my largest scales.

    He leads them a few yards to a very strange contraption indeed, made of
    wood and rope and leather. They put the GIRL in one pan and the duck
    in another. Each pan is supported by a wooden stave. BEDEVERE checks
    each pan then … ARTHUR looks on with interest.

    BEDEVERE
    Remove the supports.

    Two PEASANTS knock them away with sledge hammers. The GIRL and the duck
    swing slightly but balance perfectly.

    ALL
    A witch! A witch!

    WITCH
    It’s a fair cop.

    All
    Burn her! Burn her! Let’s make her into a ladder.

    The VILLAGERS drag the girl away, leaving ARTHUR and BEDEVERE regarding
    each other admiringly.

  4. . . . is that John Kerry can’t find his own way home; that’s why the State Department provides him with a driver.

    . . . is that John Kerry’s classmates at St. Paul’s School locked him in his locker every day. Including Saturdays, Sundays, and week-ends.

    . . . is that his crew on the swift boat did the same thing.

    . . . is that John Kerry not only eats quiche, but likes it.

    . . . is that John Kerry will say that there is no evidence for climate change if he believes that saying that will advance his career.

  5. John Kerry said the evidence for climate change is “irrefutable”. Also irrefutable…

    …The Death Star was impenetrable (never mind that 2 meter exhaust port)

    …Blow up mattresses are really comfortable.

    …A sacrifice bunt with 2 outs always works.

    …black coffee is the best! (now that’s really true)

    …Paul is really did die in 1966.

    …Michelle has junk in the trunk

  6. …is that John Kerry is proof that a truffle hunting pig makes for a ridiculous looking deer hunter.

    …the twain of horse and face met right above Kerry’s shoulders.

    …is that no matter how disgustingly filthy Kerry’s chin is after a meal, his necktie never has a spot on it.

    …is that Kerry sold out his country so long ago that he qualifies for the AARP old traitors discount.

    …is that John Kerry registered his swift boat in Massachusetts to reduce his Cambodian taxes.

    …is that our enemies can’t be bored to death.

    …is saying that Kerry is French looking is like saying a poodles butt looks like a dog park.

  7. …obama is in way over his head and is too dumb to stop digging

    …biden is an idiot

    …john roberts is a mistake of epic proportions

    …hillary would be so bad as president that she might make obama look good

    …miley cyrus is obama’s middle east plan

    …john kerry is entered and guaranteed to show in the next kentucky derby

  8. John Kerry said the evidence for climate change is “irrefutable”. Also irrefutable…

    …John Kerry and Lurch are twins separated at birth.

    …John Kerry, Lurch and Lyle Lovett are triplets separated at birth.

    …Heinz Baked Beans causes greenhouse gases.

    …John Kerry married Teresa Heinz for richer and richest.

  9. …our bombs don’t kill people when a Democrat is president, only Red State gun show guns kill people.

    …Obama’s Mid-East community organizing has made the region only slightly less stable and safe as Chicago, so now all we need is military intervention and both will be safe enough for Obama’s children to live in soon.

    …a camel in Libya would walk a mile for a Miley Cyrus, but only to get his teeth back.

    …is the old adage; keep your powder dry and your nickel’s unplugged, you never know if you might accidentally give a plugged nickel for the entire Muslim world.

    …is that nothing is as dangerous and self destructive as a liberal out to spite it’s face, except a liberal who has had RINO-Plasty. Paging John McCain.

  10. John Kerry said the evidence for climate change is “irrefutable”. Also irrefutable…

    that Kerry keeps using that word, but I do not think you know what it means.

    My name is Diego Montoya, you killed my father, prepare to die!

  11. … that John Kerry still “cannot” find his original discharge DD214 papers.
    He also cannot find Syria on a map or his trousers when they are around his ankles. Also irrefutable is that when he sold his soul to become Secretary of State, the Devil got the worst of the deal.

  12. John Kerry Said the Evidence for Climate Change Is “Irrefutable”. Also Irrefutable…

    this means a longer sailing season and more warm Nantucket afternoons with the Secreatry of State at the helm of his dear ‘Isabel.’

  13. Pingback: IMAO » Blog Archive » You’ve Been Judged!

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