Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.
The IRS said it plans to “improve customer service” this tax season by…
Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.
The IRS said it plans to “improve customer service” this tax season by…
The IRS said it plans to “improve customer service” this tax season by…
just taking it all and giving you back what it feels you should have.
The IRS said it plans to “improve customer service” this tax season by…
putting smiley faces on it’s black hoods.
crashing their hard drives pre-emptively.
redefining “service” to include “torture”.
… fewer lynchings, less torture, kinder and gentler harassing phone calls, nicer threatening letters, more polite wage garnishment notices.
… making Gitmo an IRS Customer Service Center.
… leaving fewer bodies around after “visits”.
… training IRS agents in the fine art of not spitting while talking.
… giving Anonymiss cookies to the first 500 who file early.
The IRS said it plans to “improve customer service” this tax season by…
redefining “Improve” to include “Doing the same old, same old.”
The IRS said it plans to “improve customer service” this tax season by…
checking every filing twice, if it comes from a district that voted Republican this last election.
. . . express audit lane for Tea Party filers
. . . automatic refund for any illegal
. . . double Obamacare tax credits for Ebola survivors (except that pesky nurse in Maine).
“Don’t Worry Be Happy” Muzak while you’re on call waiting.
(Tailored phone robo-answering system)
So you may be paired with a ethnic sensitive agent, please press the appropriate response,
1 if you’re Black
2 if Hispanic
3 if Asian
4 if Normal…..
…with really big tennis rackets.
…having the fifth amendment tattooed on all employees palms.
The IRS said it plans to “improve customer service” this tax season by…
killing all those who don’t agree that customer service has improved.
…placing a check box to indicate favorite mid afternoon beverage.
…asking if you drink tea with your anonymiss cookies.
…reinforcements to the Cincinatti office.
…giving a large bonus to Lois Lerner.
…sending in
the Brute Squada cadre of helpful, armed agents to encourage you as you file appropriately and in a timely manner…People that rat on relatives and friends that cheat on their taxes will receive a free toaster oven.
…using lube.
The IRS said it plans to “improve customer service” this tax season by…
Nattier “Mao” jackets for employees and new editions of the “Little Red Book.”
Allowing tax payers to sign up for slave labor camps, skipping all that pesky paper work from being only partially enslaved.
…all IRS late fees and penalties can be avoided by putting John Koskinen’s name on your bank signature card.
…accepting the first born as partial payment.
…by insisting that at least 10% of their agents speak English, sorta.
…installing customer service TAX ROBOTS! (made in China)
. . . arranging to have your paychecks direct-deposited with the IRS. You may then apply to the government for a support payment in whatever amount the government considers to be “fair.”
. . . hiring former Comcast customer “service” employees
http://tinyurl.com/pwlg6bb
. . . outsourcing its customer service to your local post office or DMV.
. . . answering all taxpayer questions with a recording of Hillary Clinton saying “What difference, at this point, does it make?”
DamnCat beat me to it…
…estimating your tax contributions, then printing the money themselves.
…promising Christians a tax free afterlife.
…accepting wooden nickels if they are made from recycled Scott Walker protest sign poles.
…exempting kidney stones from their portion of your total liability.
…giving free April 15th massages to your rabbit.
…letting you avoid those pesky death taxes with their pre-pay autopen for the over 50 crowd.
…dispatching ISIS collection agents. Similar name, almost as ruthless.
…by assimilating all other government agencies. We are Lois Lerner. We are IRS. You will be assimilated.
…redefining ‘servicing the customer’ so that it no longer has a sexual connotation.
…sending each taxpayer a scratch and sniff that smell like fresh baked sugar cookies that they can play with while on hold.
…by no longer hanging the “Render unto Ceasar!” banner across Constitution Avenue in DC.
…by no longer hiring Acorn to provide help line operators.
The IRS said it plans to “improve customer service” this tax season by…
…moving its call center to India.
…replacing any refunds with Anonymiss’ cookies
…modeling their call center after the Obamacare call center.
…including free credit reports for people that enroll in IRS identity theft protection plan for 19.95 a month.
… letting you hear some of that cowboy poetry you’re paying for.
… playing something other than the Darth Vader theme on their website.
… serving up your wages with a little garnish
(I got the idea for that one from Steve H at #3)
… making their new motto “The customer is usually Right.”
… assuring you that they always have your interest in mind. As well as your principal, your dividends . . .
… giving away free tickets to the shiny new “Audit-oriums” they are opening in all major cities.
…declaring that their one and only “customer” is the Federal Government, and acting accordingly…
Back on the farm, when putting the bull in with the cow, the polite term was that the bull was “servicing” the cow. That is why it is called the Internal Revenue Service. They will now become better at it.
Outsourcing to a call center in Mumbai.
The IRS said it plans to “improve customer service” this tax season by…
… not answering the phone at all.
… giving taxpayers until 12:30 am on April 16 to file their annual confessions.
… adding “pretty please” to collection letters.
… including a disk of the IRS Star Trek video with each refund.
This is all Washington oxymoron BS-speak anyway. Customer service implies addition of value to the purchase of goods or services.
… Not laughing until they hang up the phone.
… Official documents will no longer include the word ‘suckers’.
… More targeting of Republicans. Because the media has it on good authority that all Republicans are bullies, so stopping them must make people happy. Right?
After last year’s CS improvement of We’ll just go ahead and empty your account, and explain “if you have any money you must be cheating on your taxes” IDK how they would top that
…giving people ample warning before they are audited. Now agents are required to yell “BOHICA” before they pounce.
Cookies!
Go see who won at 12:30 EST! 🙂
http://www.nukingpolitics.com/2014/11/nuke-punchline-ernestine-hillary-what.html
@48 Anonymiss – Thank you…
Link post scheduled for 12:35