I Share Saddam’s Wishful Thinking

Saddam Huessein, in reaction to Cheney speech urging a preemptive strike against Iraq, has said that, “American threats target not only Iraq, but the whole Arab nation as well.” I only wish he were speaking the truth. No offense to any Arabs, but that place need a lot of cleaning up after we plow through Iraq. Once Saddam’s skull has a “regime change” into an ashtray, there will still be a lot of other nations out there that’s going to be a threat to everyone until they’re democratized. And, if we have to put guns to people’s heads to get them to vote in a free elecion, so be it. Saddam’s words do anger me though, because he shouldn’t be saying stuff like that; he should be dead. Why is he still alive! Why! We don’t need a permission slip signed by the French; just kill the bastard! Everytime he walks by a window and isn’t sniped, baby Jesus cries.

Hopes for Peace

The Palestinians seem to be in a never ending war with any feelings of sympathy I may have for them. Yeah, things have to be tough living under Arafat, but when I see Palestinians cheering when Israeli kids are mudered (hell they seem to cheer when anyone is murdered) and dressing up their children in phony bombs in hopes they’ll one day blow themselves up and many others, it takes a lot of effort to think of them as fellow human beings. And I’m a lazy man. Still, I hold out some hopes that there are enough good Palestinians out there that peace can happen without razing all their homes and sowing salt in the earth. A Reuters story, though entitled “POLL-Palestinians oppose ending suicide attacks,” gives me some hope. If the numbers are to be believed, 53% of Palestinians are for the suicide bombings, but 44% want to halt them. That’s not a small number of people showing rational thought there. That means to achieve peace maybe only 53% of Palestinians need to be wiped out (plus or minus three percent) and then… I dunno… those 3% undecided pistol whipped.

All Dogs Go to Heaven and Get 70 Virgins

As we know from airport security, terrorists are even distributed among toddlers to eighty-year-old grandmothers and thus you have to be vigilant of them all, but the U.S. Open has expanded the search to dogs as well. Bomb sniffing dogs at the stadium were forced to wear photo ID’s even though their officer escort also has to wear one. Apparently, terrorists dogs such as Omar Sparky and Mohammed Fluffy have been trying to sneak into the U.S. Open to “plant a bomb,” so to speak. If you see any suspicious dogs in your neighborhood, immediately alert the FBI.

UPDATE: I just received this statement from the National Association of Canine Americans:

“We vehemently condemn all pooping indoors, but humans have to realize that their policies of leaving dogs inside alone for hours and not supplying sufficient chew toys often makes dogs feel they have no choice but to ‘leave a surprise.'”
-Fido, President of the National Association of Canine Americans