ByFluX captures the essence of my favorite handgun in the most concise manner.
Archive of entries posted on 18th September 2002
Tagline Mania!
Part of having a short attention span is that I get bored of things quickly. Thus I have now implemented a rotating tagline (thanks to Laurence Simon for the help). Hopefully, I can soon come up with tons of cool taglines. Collect them all!
A Frank Lesson in Physics
European scientist have created a bunch of antihydrogen to allow them to test some physics theories. Now, you might think that antihydrogen would make your voice lower if inhaled from an antiballoon, but actually, if physic theories hold up, antihydrogen should act just like regular hydrogen. So, you’d then think the experiment to test whether our physics theories hold up is for one of the scientists to inhales the antihydrogen and then see if he can make the other scientists laugh by saying, “Waaaaaaaaaasup!” The problem with that is that antimatter doesn’t get along well with regular matter, and thus the scientist’s head would explode (plus, the whole “wassup” thing is pretty tired now and not likely to cause laughs even when aided by helium). Though sudden explosions of the head might make the other scientists chuckle if they are mad scientists, it wouldn’t prove anything we don’t already know. What they would need is an antiscientist to inhale the antihydrogen and then try to talk in an high-pitch antivoice. But the antiscientist would explode in a regular lab, so we’d need an antilab to house him. But there aren’t any antilabs, because it looks like there is only regular old matter in the universe. This is a strange asymmetrical quality to the universe, and my theory is that early on there was a big matter war and our matter won out because it is much more superior to that other stupid matter. I don’t have any evidence to back up this theory, but I do have drawings of what I think the laser guns they used looks like.
Anyway, I have a better idea for the antihydrogen than proving physics (I gave up on physics after I heard about that quantum crap; I don’t care if it’s true – it’s stupid). First, let’s steal it from Europe; I don’t like them having things we don’t. Then, we can put it in a regular looking balloon with a special magnetized field to contain it. Next, we find a dictator that likes to entertain his guests by inhaling helium from balloons and imitating Mickey Mouse (I think Castro is one). Finally, we replace one of his balloons with our balloon of death, and, then, when he inhales the contents, BOOM!! And no one will ever believe we replaced one of his balloons with one filled with antihydrogen because that’s just too convoluted a plan. It’s perfect!
UPDATE: Whoops. In my zeal, I didn’t realize I was talking about hydrogen and not helium. I’m not sure how that could have happened (actually, it was probably something like the Moses effect), but I blame communists. So, will inhaling hydrogen also make one’s voice high-pitch, or is my plan shot (kids, do not find this out by trying to inhale hydrogen… especially if you plan on having a smoke afterwards)? I guess the plan could be saved by taking the antihydrogen to an antisun so that it would use its antifusion to make antihelium, but now this is almost getting to be a little too complicated.
Time to Pimp Slap Russia
Now that Iraq has supposedly agreed to inspections, some countries are backing off of the “kick the crap out of Iraq” initiative. Now, that’s not surprising for Arab nations, and any one with any sense never listens to anything they say anyway, but what’s up with Russia? Why do they think they can dis’ us? We beat them in the Cold War; they’re our bitch now. Hell, we even financially support the poor saps now when they should just be greatful that Reagan didn’t deem it proper to nuke them out of existence with his magical Star Wars weapons. Hopefully Bush will take a hardline with them and remind those mo’fo’s that we’re the only superpowers now and we don’t like being disobeyed.
Call Me Jingo
Best of the Web yesterday had a item entitled “Civil Liberties, Europe Style” that reminded me of an important fact: while people may complain about infringement of some rights here, all other countries completely suck on that issue. It’s like we’re the only ones even know what liberty is. The French are always jailing and fining people for speech they don’t like, Britain thinks nothing of people’s privacy, and Canada… well let’s just say I try not spend much time there because Lord knows what kind of Mickey Mouse law I could suddenly be charged with (and I won’t repeat that in French). Once we’re done “regime changing” our enemies until they are all dead and buried, we need to start a campaign to educate other countries so that maybe they can achieve but a hundredth of our greatest.
Also, for a while I’ve been wanting to spout off about the oft used phrase, “America is the only civilized country that…” such as in “America is the only civilized country that has the death penalty.” It would be a fine phrase indeed, except that it’s used to criticize the U.S. instead of other “civilized” countries. Now, it’s obvious that America is the greatest country ever and the only one God likes, so wouldn’t it be reasonable to assume that to achieve this unique greatness we would do tons of things that other countries don’t? So, shouldn’t the phrase “America is the only civilized country that…” be followed by the phrase “So that’s what all you other countries should emulate so that you might be less pathetic than you are now. Oh yeah, and bathe more often, too.”