Does the U.S. Navy’s new sonar cause whales to beach? I think it would be kind of cool if it did, but Bill Herbert says no.
Archive of entries posted on 1st October 2002
Red Dot Diplomacy
Yeah, that’s what I’m talking about. Ari Fleischer mentioned in a press conference how things would be cheaper and easier if Saddam were just assassinated. Now that’s good policy to me: We don’t like someone, we kill the mo’fo’. Why go into some full scale war when its just one bastard we don’t like? It’s so simple, of course the Euro-weenies will throw a hissy-fit if we do it; I’m almost convinced they like things complicated with lots of people dying. You’re probably now saying, “Well, then let’s assassinate the whole lot of them. That will teach them to be European.” Yes, but, when you assassinate lots of people, it kinda loses its charm. The more compassionate idea is to just freak the hell out of them. When we want to assassinate some evil dictator, we wait until inevitably a European leader goes to appease him, and blow the dictators brains out just as they’re shaking hands. That will put the fear of God in them, and, more to the point, the fear of America.
Anyway, when the U.S. government gets serious on this assassinate Saddam thing, they have my e-mail. My rates for heads of state are a bit higher, but I will give a patriotic discount. Frank’s gots to eat, though, and he likes the prime rib.
The Sky is Un-Falling
They say the hole (or thinning, to be more exact) in the ozone over Antarctica is now shrinking, but I never understood why to care much about it. For a long while, they played this up as some huge threat, so I was all like, “Let’s threaten to bomb the Antarcticans if they don’t cut down their CFC usage,” but then I found out all that’s there are penguins and scientists. I don’t know what they did to make that hole, but, as long as the hole stays over Antarctica, who cares. The only ones who will be getting skin cancer are birds so stupid they can’t even fly and scientists so unliked that they were banned to Antarctica. To hell with them all, I say.
And, in attempt to head off my arch-nemesis Scott Ott, check out ScrappleFace for a related parody.
I’m Strong to the Finish, ‘Cause I Drinks Me Guinness; I’m Frank J. the Blogging Man (toot) (toot)
Polish President Aleksander Kwasniewski has threatened to boycott Guinness if Ireland doesn’t join the EU (thanks to Amish Tech Support for the Link). This seems like a hollow threat, because I can’t imagine a EUnik drinking Guinness on account of it being a man’s beer. That dark, black liquid would be too scary for the average whiny European; a Frenchman would probably surrender if a pint were placed in front of him. And what does Ireland need from the EU anyway when they already have Guinness? Just ask yourself what would you rather have…
…close association with all European countries or a pint of Guinness?
…a stable, widely accepted currency or a pint of Guinness?
…national security or a pint of Guinness?
…the respect and admiration of France or a half ounce of Guinness?
I think the answer to each of those is pretty obvious, and it’s not alcoholism – it’s national pride!