Rachel Lucas once again has to explain guns to stupid people. This time it’s about ballistic fingerprinting.
Emperor Misha I points out a column everyone should read.
Andrea Harris finds either a hilarious parody or frightening idiocy.
Archive of entries posted on 15th October 2002
Kick Ass New World
Another successful test of missile defense. Won’t it be so cool when we finally perfect that and can hit any nuclear missile out of the sky? As long as we keep it to ourselves, there goes mutually assured destruction. We can nuke anyone we want and no one can stop us. We won’t even have to use any stupid diplomacy. Hopefully, I can be president by the time we finish and start my new foreign policy plans.
“Hey, China, Taiwan is it’s own country, ya numbnuts. Now, you stop being commies or you’ll no longer be the most populated country.”
“Middle East, you don’t seem to be doing very well with Islam, so you’re now all Unitarians. I’m not too sure what that entails, but hopefully it involves less killing. Try it out for a couple weeks and get back to me.”
“France, you have to rename yourself Wussland. You will be known as the Wussies. Speaking anything other than American slang or watching anything other than American blockbusters is punishable by death.”
“Palestinians, you now get your own country. It’s called Germany. Go there now because the Israelis want to fumigate before they finish settling.”
Man, I can’t wait until missile defense is done. It’ll be like Christmas everyday.
(Thanks to Bill Quick for the link.)
They Won’t Rest Until We’re All Dead
Democrats continue their rampage to destroy America and everything it stands for. First, they won’t let us drill in Alaska’s Arctic National Wildlife Refuge. No one actually believes that environmentalist crap, so the only reasons they could oppose it is that they are being paid off by the Saudi or Iraqi oil markets or that they just insanely hate all Americans and want what’s worse for them. Next, they’re stalling the passage of terrorism insurance because they not only want us all dead, but financially hurt as well. Finally, they keep loading the homeland security bill with the demands of evil unions so that Bush has no power to properly staff those positions and make them effective. Democrats explained, “We hate America and everything it stands for and want all Americans dead. Who we really love are the French. Hopefully, we can keep the terrorists busy attacking you people then all move to our beloved France where we will all sing anti-American songs and wallow in our own evilness.” Actually, the wording of their response to the president was about a balance between flexibility for the president and worker protection, but you know all that stuff about France was implied. Because of the vile plans Democrats have for us Americans, make sure if you see any to immediately report them to the FBI. Also, if you see a donkey, kill it and burn its body.
It’s Not a Real Election If There Are No Negative Ads
Saddam Hussein has a sham election today, and it’s just too pathetic. He won the last one with 99.96% of the vote (I wonder what happened to that 0.04%?); why not just give himself 110% of the vote and really impress us? How dumb does he think we are? We’re actually just dumb enough to maybe fall for him getting in the high sixties in the vote, so he should check his ego and rig it thusly. Also, we might believe it more if he had a straw man to run against.
“Hi, I’m Steve Ahmed, and, if I’m elected, I’m going to raise taxes, give away our oil for free, and not gas the Kurds. Why vote for a dedicated, workaholic like Saddam when you can vote for Steve Ahmed in ’02.”
Yeah, yeah, I know: everyone who has never run a sham election believes they’re an expert at it. I really do think all that stuff would make it much more believable, though – not enough to keep us from bombing him dead – but enough to give us slight pause at killing an elected leader.
BTW, what happens if the “no” votes win in the Iraqi election? Do they actually have something written in law for if that occurs? My guess is that Saddam would then kill his entire populace. At least, that’s what I’d do.
Why Don’t We Annex Mexico Instead; Most of Them Already Live Here Anyway
In a recent poll, 38% percent of Americans were in favor of annexing Canada as the 51st state. I’d be in favor of the land grab too, but I don’t know an efficient way to relocate all those Canadians. Maybe we could trick them into thinking there is some sort of hockey festival in Europe, and then annex the country while they’re all gone. We could then prevent them from coming back in; that’s what you get for supporting Britain in the Revolutionary War, dinks.
(Thanks to Scrappleface for the link.)