They say the hole (or thinning, to be more exact) in the ozone over Antarctica is now shrinking, but I never understood why to care much about it. For a long while, they played this up as some huge threat, so I was all like, “Let’s threaten to bomb the Antarcticans if they don’t cut down their CFC usage,” but then I found out all that’s there are penguins and scientists. I don’t know what they did to make that hole, but, as long as the hole stays over Antarctica, who cares. The only ones who will be getting skin cancer are birds so stupid they can’t even fly and scientists so unliked that they were banned to Antarctica. To hell with them all, I say.

And, in attempt to head off my arch-nemesis Scott Ott, check out ScrappleFace for a related parody.