Gore has been steaming about the election for so long that his circuits have now completely blown, and, like any good robot, he has reverted to his default programming of “kill all humans.” In a new article from Time, Gore says that Bush’s economic agenda is “catastrophic,” his foreign policy “horrible,” his environmental stance “immoral.” “Destroy! Destroy!” Gore added, flaying his arms wildly.
“Our country is headed for very deep trouble,” Gore told Time. “I wish it were not so, but I believe that with all my heart.” Gore’s heart, BTW, is composed of titanium with rubber tubing. In actuality (that’s a pompous way of saying “Actually”; you like it?), Gore’s heart contains no logic functions or memory banks, and thus this statement is further evidence of faulty programming.
“I think that our economic plan has zero chance of working. I think that it is wrong at its core,” Gore continued, his eyes starting to glow red. “I think that our foreign policy, based on an openly proclaimed intention to dominate the world, is a recipe for getting our country in some of the worst trouble it’s ever been in.” He then explained how only Gore-bot can dominate the world, and that all who oppose him will be destroyed.
Gore, the Giant Ogre-like Robotic Entity, also said that Bush has compiled the worst economic record since Herbert Hoover. This is interesting, because it was Hoover who commissioned the creations of the Gore-bot. After being rebuffed by the American people, Hoover became obsessed with the world’s destruction and thus created the Gore-bot to that end. Most people don’t know of Hoover’s secret supervillian alter-ego having mistakenly though his secret was that he dressed in woman’s clothing when they confused him with J. Edgar Hoover.
Despite the smoke visibly emanating from Gore’s ears, 61% of Democrats said they would like to see Gore run for President in 2004. What the article doesn’t mention is that 82% of Republicans would also like to see Gore run for president again in 2004, with 10% thinking that would be too cruel to Gore and the remaining 8% fearing he may go on a bloody rampage when he loses again. This is a legitimate fear, as the Gore-bot is bulletproof and could probably only be brought down by some sort of military EMP weapon. This is quite different from most other Democrats who wish to run for president, as they can usually be subdued by a simple bitch-slapping.
Personally, I would not write off the threat of Gore running for president in 2004. I hear that Tipper, his wife/head engineer, is planning to outfit him with rocket launchers and a rail gun. To be on the safe side, Bush should create some sort of cybernetic, exo-skeleton by 2004, and they should speed up converting Cheney into a cyborg. He will be only half-human, but that still infinitely more human than Gore.