I just went through the “It’s a Small World” ride at Disney World this morning, and there was still a part with little Iraqi kids singing along. What gives? I thought we would have annihilated that country by now. Ends up that we’re waiting on an inspection team to find a “material breach” before we can give the g’damn Iraqis an extended weapons demo. Yes, our hopes of war rest on someone named Blix. Iraq keeps saying that this whole inspection thing is just a pretext to attack them, and I’m like, “Finally; someone is talking some sense.” So do the Iraqis then know when we give up with the pretext and finally attack them, because I would really appreciate it if they told me. And they should make sure the rascally Blix knows it’s all a pretext, too, because I’m not sure if he got that memo. He may actually be waiting to try and find some WMD’s which the Iraqis have had plenty of time to hide. Well, just in case we can’t find anything substantial, I’ve come up with a list of excuses for war with Iraq we can tell the U.N.
Top Ten Excuses for War with Iraq
10. They say that war is good for the economy, and the Iraqi economy could really use some improvement.
9. Though we didn’t find any actual evidence of biological weapons, it sure does smell funny there.
8. Not having a ‘u’ follow Iraq’s ‘q’ is a violation of international spelling laws.
7. If our Marines don’t get to kill people soon, they’re going to suffer bouts of depression.
6. We want to steal their oil and keep it for ourselves, and there’s not a goddamn thing any of EUnuchs can do about it. Muh-ha ha ha ha!
5. Iraq’s army has more bushy mustaches than is allowed by the Geneva Convention.
4. Though we can’t prove they have any ties to terrorism, we have direct evidence of them funding the “Anna Nicole Smith Show.”
3. They’re mean.
2. We have never heard that Edwin Starr song and are thus unaware of the futility of war.
And the number one excuse for going to war with Iraq…
We’re America; we don’t need excuses.