Just when you thought there would be no solution to peace in Israel (well, I mean, other than nuking the Palestinians), Carter has offered to broker a peace deal! Now it is only a matter of time until Israelis and Palestinians are dancing together in the streets. With such modesty, he says he’ll do it only if the U.S. government ask him to– like we’d ever refuse such a great offer. I hear the devil himself is fleeing the Middle East having heard that his arch-nemesis Carter in on his way. Just listen to Carter’s wisdom, and you’ll see why peace is now a sure thing:

“Until President Bush, every president, Democratic or Republican, has in my opinion played a balancing role as a trusted mediator. Now, though, it seems obvious that the present administration in Washington is completely compatible with the Israeli government and they have completely ignored … the Palestinian Authority.”

See! There is out problem! We’ve wholly aligned ourselves with a civilized democracy and completely ignored the terrorist thugs. How could we be such fools! Luckily Carter is around to show us the light, and I curse us – curse us all – for ever throwing him out of the presidency like a bag of stale peanuts.
Seriously, though, I think Carter mediating peace talks could end the conflict. He’ll probably be so annoying that the Israelis will want to kill him and that the Palestinians will actually kill him. Then Israelis will acknowledge that, sometimes, the Palestinians’ murderousness can be useful. And, the Palestinians will acknowledge that civility has its place as well, because only through that were they able to set up a meeting where they could easily kill a numbnut like Carter. Then they’ll hug and the feelings of peace will spread throughout the world, and the celebrated day will forever be known as “The Day They Finally Killed That Useless Ex-President.”