Man, that Mandela tirade pissed me off. He’s supposed to be a respected statesmen, but then he gravely insulted all of America with a bunch idiotic ramblings that make some of our peaceniks look sane. I mused how I wished the Whitehouse would respond, but the actual thing Ari Fleischer said was just some bland statement about how people think differently on these issues. I know one is supposed to be diplomatic, but I think this was cause enough for some righteous indignation. Mandela should have no respect by the U.S. after being that loony, and we, the American people, should be calling for his head.
Also, I hate the word “meme.” I can’t describe why; I just do. I’ve hated it ever since I first saw it. I tried to use it once to try and fit in with the cool blogging crowd, but then that just made me hate myself. It’s a stupid word and I hate it.
That is all.

The RNC began the new year with $5 million in the bank while the Democratic Party was $106,000 in debt. Republicans don’t have trouble raising money because everyone loves them since they’re the party of “Killing the Bad People.” The kindest, honest, and most decent folks in America – the rich – especially love the Republicans and write them many checks. That’s why Jesus once said, “Blessed be the rich, because they fund the campaigns of the tax-cutters.”
The only people left who still like the Democrats, though, are their base: dumb poor people. And dumb poor people can’t send Democrats money when they need it for buying Chia Pets and “No Blood for Oil” bumper stickers. Soon the repot man is going to come to the Democrats and repossess their whines and the live pigs they feed to Ted Kennedy. We’ll probably end up seeing all the Democrat politicians out on the streets holding up signs that say, “Will demagogue for food.” And then I’ll punch the Democrat and steal his sign.

I am now done surveying blogger ages, as I forgotten why I originally cared. Anyhoo, we have 2118 years distributed amongst 62 bloggers. That makes the official average age of a blogger to be…
(drum roll)
34.1612903225806451612903225806452 years of age.
So, that is now the super scientific (look at all the decimal places!) result of my survey. If some reporter asks you what is the average age of a warblogger is, you tell them “about 34 years of age.” And if they ask you how you know, tell them some scientific guy named Frank told you. Also, if you are blogging and are not 34 years old, now you know that you are weird.
So, contact the press agencies and spread the word. And someone tell Glenn Reynolds so he’ll link to me. I’ve been hitting record visits to my blog lately, but I want even more visits! MORE! MORE! HA HA HA HA!

Eugene Volokh has a nice analysis of the issues involved with the professor who won’t write letters of recommendation for Creationists. Now, I’m a pretty religious person, but I find Creationism pretty silly (both logically and religiously). Still, the idea that one’s belief in Creationism would effect their study in medicine is pretty idiotic, and Prof. Michael Dini sounds like an asshole with a chip on his shoulder who is going out of his way to cause conflict.
Rachel Lucas has a picture of a baby brave enough to do what we all have secretly (or sometimes overtly) desired to do.
Combustible Boy has found what Abraham Lincoln’s famous speech would look like today.

Every morning I get up and check the news hoping to hear that Iraq is finally in flames and the war has started. But, inevitably, no such violence fills the headlines and once again I am disappointed. We know they’re evil, so why don’t we just make them dead?
I just never understood this whole inspection thing. Why the hell do we have to prove Iraq has weapons? We’re America: kind, benevolent, and in ownership of many nukes. If we saying something is so, the burden of evidence should be on someone else to disprove it. We say a country has WMD’s, then they should immediately start bombing themselves to appease us.
And there is this acting like other country’s opinions matter; why should we care what France and Germany think? France is a weenie; they’re against everything that’s moral and right. And so what if Germany is against this war? What else is new? They were against us declaring war in the 40’s too, but I think that worked out for the better.
Now we’re saying we will try to avert war by helping Saddam into exile, but I think that has some potential at least. Here are my suggestions for where to exile Saddam:
*Into an airport locker
*Bottom of the sea
*Top of the dome at Disney’s Epcot Center
*Surface of the sun
*In a crate inside that room you see at the end of Raiders of the Lost Ark
*Into a volcano
*Down a trapdoor when his neck is in a noose
*Hell
Or, maybe we can instead choose four nice tropical locations and exile part of him to each.
Yeah, yeah; a lot of those are more executions than exile. The other countries will probably be like, “You silly gooses, you just used exile as an excuse to murder Saddam. We’ll have to keep an eye on you.” But they better not get too angry, because we have enough firepower to exile entire countries if we get pissed.

I didn’t watch the State of the Union Address last night, but I did see the Democratic response. Man, that had to be one of the most pathetic spectacles I’ve ever seen. While the international community and our very lives are threatened by evil, their response is:

“My grandfather came here a hundred years ago from China. Please stop thinking about all those important issues like terrorism and war and instead worry about the intricacies of a prescription drug plan. My family came from China.”

Why don’t they just roll over and die already. For all this speech accomplished, they might as well have instead had a little monkey run on stage, say, “Ooh. Ooh. I’m a monkey.” and scramble off. It now seems the kindest thing to do would be to take the Democratic Party behind the shed and blow its brains out to end its misery (and ours). Then maybe the two major parties can be a right-wing one and an ultra right-wing one, and we’ll have heated debates in Congress about what is the most painful way to kill our enemies. Then, Europe will cower in fear from us even more saying, “Oh, who are those violent Americans going to lash out against next? We should do something about… Oh no! They’re looking this way! Hide!”
Europe used to be the most powerful, but now it’s whiny, pathetic, and irrelevant… hmm, just like the Democrats.
Question of the day: If the Democrats are Europe, who is France?

Carnival of the Vanities #19 is up at Ipse Dixit who somehow manages to misspell my last name.
Michele seems to get hated all the time. This time it’s by an uppity-negro. Why can’t I ever be hated?

This is a flash film (w/sound) of some cool optical illusions. Don’t go see them. You’ve been warned.

Yay! I learned how to use a spreadsheet today!
Anyway, current total is 1600 years distributed amongst 48 bloggers. That makes the average age… so how do I make the spreadsheet do an average… ah funk dat, I’ll just use the calculator.
The average age is 33 and a third. That’s down from yesterday, but if I’m blogging until I’m “average age,” that will be ten more years of posts under my belt. I thought people your age were scared of them new-fangled computers?
I’m just kidding!
That was fun. Maybe we can do a survey of some other blogger characteristic later. Anyway, they’re running Smallville (it’s targeted at my age group) versus the State of the Union address, so someone tell me if anything world ending happens or if we finally start bombing Iraq.
Rumsfeld tomorrow.

Rachel has a conversation with assclown George Clooney.
Kim du Toit takes a look at S&W’s new 1911.
Joanne Jacobs discusses what really determines children’s educational opportunities.
Jamie McDonald breaks rules one and two.

Duke Univeristy has invited Laura Whitehorn to speak on campus, originally billing her as a “political prisoner” even though she was in prison for the “political statement “of bombing the U.S. Capitol. And then the people who invited her acted so surprised at the controversy, because college professors are the dumbest people on God’s green earth. Even a four-year-old would understand that a terrorist should be hung instead of being asked to talk, but that’s beyond college professors. This is just yet another example of the total idiocy that comes from our universities, as it’s like the a mangy dog is better equipped to understand the real world than the people who run college campuses. I wouldn’t be surprised if I found a college professor who had come up with some high-falutin reason why trees don’t actually exist and thus keeps walking into them.
Maybe it wouldn’t be so much a problem if colleges were just a place to isolate this stupidity – somewhere they can protect their precious idiocy that would be torn to shreds by the world outside – but the problem is they like to spread their dumb ideas to the students. College kids usually have a low protein diet of nothing but Ramen noodles and thus are highly susceptible to brain washing. I myself did all right because I had an engineering major which didn’t leave me time for being stupid, but all the philosophy and arts majors are not so lucky. Sure, most will grow out of the stupid ideas when they start having to pay taxes, but, for some, the idiocy they learn in college destroys them forever.
We’ve let this go on to long. There is no reason that people who teach history and English have to lack the common sense of the average muskrat. First thing we need to do is to storm the colleges and remove the liberal professors. They can probably be trained to do simple tasks such as sweep floors and test the effectiveness of pepper sprays. Also, they can be fitted with shock collars to “teach” them if they ever try to talk about politics. Some may say that is cruel, to which I say, “Yeah, that’s the point.”
Next, we can find good professors to take their places. People who love America, hate terrorists, want all Commies to be dead, and like to use guns to shoot bad people. New student standards can be set that will expel a student for being “too much of a hippy.” Also, there can be a new mandatory class that all students must take that teaches them why America kicks ass. It can be taught by an angry Marine who will savagely beat anyone who says something bad about the ‘ole U.S. of A. This will be an especially good class for foreign students.
Let’s get to it. Our country’s educational future depends on it.

With 19 blogger participants (including me) there are a total of 690 years between us. The youngest blogger is Bill Whittle, who is almost eleven, and the oldest is Andrea Harris, who is eleventy-one (a very respectable age for a blogger).
Seriously, though, the average age for a warblogger (or, more accurately, the average age for a warblogger who read my blog in the past day and cared to admit his or her age) is about 36.31. Wow, that’s old! Maybe I should stop making references to hip young things like color TV’s and touch tone phones and instead make jokes you people could better relate to, such as rants about drinking Ensure or how inconvenient it is to break one’s hip.
Just kidding!
Anyway, the important thing is that I found out the majority of bloggers aren’t single women in their early twenties like I hoped. Oh well. If you are a blogger who would still like to contribute to this scientific survey, post to the comments. Don’t bother if your age is 36.31, because that won’t change the average.
NOTE: Don’t just post your age if you don’t fill out the URL space with your blog address. This is supposed to be a survey of bloggers, so I need to confirm you have one. Otherwise, this will have no scientific validty, and all my scientist peers will beat me up and call me names.

Bill Whittle, who’s almost eleven, has written an essay on both the horrors and necessity of war that’s a must read. Go check it out.
Laurence Simon has a poll on the root causes of the Slammer worm. I blame “kids these days.”
Speaking of Laurence Simon, John Hawkins has tried out the meme (isn’t she Drew Carey’s arch-nemesis?) that he made popular.
Loretta and the Tooth Fairy conspire to cheat her daughter out of a dollar. For shame.
Bare feet make Chaos Overlord angry. Chaos Overlord smash!