Germany and France have joined forces to form the Axis of Assclowns, together making a cowardly stand against war in Iraq. It’s a feeble attempt to gain attention for two nations no one cares about anymore. What happens, though, if they truly combine themselves? Perhaps they’ll develop a language called “Grench” that makes someone speaking it sound both evil and extremely effeminate. Or maybe we’ll now see well-engineered cars that have a horrible cheese smell.
I know what some of you are probably now saying: “Let kill all the French and then kill all the Germans!” And then there are those who would take the opposite view point: “Let’s kill all the Germans and then kill all the French.” And, finally, there are the moderates who would say, “Can’t we kill them both at the same time somehow?”
It would probably be an easy thing. We already whupped Germany twice, so we have a lot of experience at it. As for France, we could probably bully them into bombing themselves. But I think slaughtering the French and Germans wholesale give them more attention than they deserve. We’re so important and grand that there is no reason we should ever be bothered with hearing their useless opinions or anything else about them, so we should just isolate them like North Korea and then forget about them. Their whines will fall on deaf ears, or, at least, not on our ears, the only ears that matter.
We can even remove them from maps, marking the area of their countries with a white space labeled “Unexplored Territory” with maybe “Because It’s So Boring” following so that no one asks questions. We can also rewrite some history, such as saying that we built the Statue of Liberty ourselves from copper we stole from trolls. Perhaps then one day when our children are asked about the cheese-eating surrender monkeys they will respond, “What’s a France?” And, when hearing about the Germans, say, “Are they actually still around? Didn’t we kill all those Nazis off in WWII?” A lot of people fault us for being uninformed about other countries, but I call it prioritization because so many countries are not worth knowing anything about. I don’t see why France and Germany can’t be just like one of those African nations I’ve never heard of either.
And, maybe we can forget about Canada while we’re at it, though we’ll probably need a moat first or something.