In response to us finding warheads, Saddam comes right back at us with some more crazy rhetoric. “The people of Baghdad have resolved to compel the Mongols of this age to commit suicide on its walls,” Saddam announced to his people, but it’s hard to be impressed. North Korea has really raised the bar on loony war talk, and, in comparison, Saddam sounds like he’s making rational commentary. But, since America is supposed to be the best at everything, why doesn’t Bush ever come out and try and top them? He could call a press conference and announce, “Our enemies will be clubbed like baby seals by our righteous might, and the bones of their children will be ground into a protein powder and sold at a marked up price at GNC.” Then again, it would different for us because we could actually do what we say, so I think it misses the point of crazy rhetoric.
Anyway, I was just wondering if, after we found those warheads, did we take them away or did we just leave them there so that he may fill them with bad things and eventually launch them at us? I know, I know, you’re probably saying, “Who cares. We’ll kill them all no matter what they have.” But we have to be careful about things like that because winning the war with Iraq isn’t a done deal. Actually, there are a number of ways we could lose.
TOP TEN WAYS WE COULD ACTUALLY LOSE A WAR AGAINST IRAQ
10. When meaning to bomb air defenses in Baghdad, faulty map instead causes us to obliterate the Chinese embassy in Finland.
9. Saddam has one mustache to rule them all.
8. Due to confusion, we make love, not war.
7. God, having become a disillusioned loner, is drawn into a militant wing of Islam.
6. “Dude, where’s my tank?”
5. Rip in space-time continuum causes us to be thrown into a universe where America isn’t ridiculously more powerful than everyone else. (NOTE: I’m not actually sure physics would allow such a universe to exists.)
4. Like a bunch of Mongols, we are compelled to commit suicide on Baghdad’s walls.
3. On the day we’re supposed to start the war, we like totally sleep in.
2. Every man, woman, child, and dog in the U.S. suddenly drops dead of a heart attack.
And, the number one way we could actually lose a war against Iraq–
War takes place in Saddam’s dreams.

Blaster seem to think that the Iraqi’s warhead excuse is a good one. That’s why we have to hit them now before level heads prevail.
The lovely Rachel and the less lovely Laurence Simon chime in on the University of Michigan points system. I remember getting a big book of college scholarships when I was a kid and finding out I was excluded from more than half of them because of my race and gender. One hundred years later, and it’s still “Irish need not apply.”
Lynxx Pherrett has an extremely extensive report on the worldwide scope in the traffic of people, and it is quite an eye-opener.
Finally, Michele of A Small Victory has out her Required Reading of 2002, a collection of notable articles and posts from the past year. Go check it out.

Yay! We found warheads! Kill them! Kill them now!
I don’t hear any killing. I’ll turn on the news…
Hmm, just some guy talking. No images of death. What are we waiting for? We have our excuse now. Come on! I work hard every day and pay tons in taxes, and all I want are dead Iraqis for it. Why won’t you give me dead Iraqis?
How about a few dead North Koreans at least? Ones that die from starvation don’t count. For pete’s sake, kill someone!
Sheesh…

There is this area in ANWR that is the most horrid and God-forsaken place in the world. It’s like God was trying to design the world to be a beautiful place, but, when he got to this part of ANWR, He was like, “Ah, forsake it. It’s the seventh day. I’m going to bed.” Only the dumbest, smelliest, and most hated caribou ever go there. The only good thing about it is that it has oil there – oil that none of those reject caribou are using at all. It’s only useful to us humans. And, I believe God once declared, “ANWR is most hated by Me. He who drills many holes in it will be most beloved among My children.” That’s why they GOP, who like good things for America, are once again pushing to drill for oil there. But, the Democrats, who love terrorism and hate American things like apple pie and shotguns, want to stop us from getting more oil. ANWR is a barren wasteland, and thus it reminds Democrats of their own hearts. They’re more concerned about preserving it than about preserving America, but we need that oil to keep our SUV’s fueled so that we way run over the heads of terrorists.
I know what you’re probably saying, “We should banish all Democrats to the coldest moon of Neptune!” And, while that is the first most logical response, I think Democrats can be important to the future of America… but only if they’re buried deep in the ground such that they become oil for future Americans.
Democrats will probably object to be buried in the ground, whining, “Don’t bury me in the ground; that’s mean spirited.” But, in the end, they will have to do what we say since we have many many more guns. Then, after they are buried, they will be made oil by the earth’s pressure just in time to help our children’s children’s children’s clones’ clones fight the damn dirty apes – apes that are evil, smelly, and mean to Charlton Heston, and thus much like the Democrats we battle today.

Andrea Harris discusses the increased role of female characters in the Lord of the Rings movies. I’m still getting through the first book, so I’ll reserve my judgment.
Say happy birthday to your Emperor. Hopefully the old man won’t get overly excited during his next fisking and break a hip.
Both Mrs. Du Toit and Toren Smith comment on new idiocy from the U.K. on crime. I don’t know how I can stress this enough: Other Country Than America = Bad

I read this article about the development of military robots, and it got me thinking about how cool it would be to design these kill-bots. Well, I assure you, one day, not too far in the future, we’ll have robots storming through primitive villages, destroying everything with buzz saws and giant hammers like larger versions of those battlebots that fight each other. To finish off our enemies, we can have one with glowing red eyes and gattling guns for each arm. For the human soldiers, war will just mean drinking a beer while watching the carnage on TV, every once in a while flipping back and forth between it and a football game. And, with no more human cost of war (well, I mean, other than the enemy, heh heh), we’ll probably be deploying them just as soon as some other country looks at us funny.
Sure, they’ll probably be protestors saying how kill-bots are bad, but that’s why we’ll make anti-peacenik bots that can fling protesters hundreds of feet in the air. This will also alert people if protestors areblocking traffic, because you’ll see a bunch of people flying through the air ahead of you.
As any science fiction will tell you, inevitably the robots will turn against us and try to kill all humans, thus locking us in an epic struggle of man versus machine. But, until then, it’ll be a wild ride.

I’m trying to figure out MT and add categories to my site. Right now, I have a page of all the “In My World” posts, since those seem pretty popular.
John Hawkins has stirred up the crazies by daring to link to them.
Apparently today is a blogging lovefest day, and Blaster (Plenty + More = Enough) has written a dedication to me.
In the interest of blogging lovefest day, I would like to say a few words about Spoons from The Spoons Experience, since he is hanging up his keyboard today. He’s always had some interesting takes on the issues of the day, and, beyond that, always provided a number of unique links I wouldn’t have found if it weren’t for his blog (heh heh; spoon guard). I’m sad to see him go, and wish him luck in his future endeavors.

I’ve always thought one of the main purposes of government is to make bad people dead, and that’s why I thought I should comment on George Ryan’s blanket commutation of murderers’ death sentences in Illinois. Reportedly, while trying to decide whom he should take off death row, he finally just gave up and said, “I can’t play God.” Was the rest of that statement, “…or any other role that involves a mild amount of responsibility.” If I get this right, instead of at least looking through the cases and leaving the most vile murderers on death row, the ones of whom there wasn’t even a dispute of guilt, he just shrugged his shoulders and exclaimed, “This is too hard. Let’s give up.” Right after his decision to slack off and let everyone go, Ryan remarked, “I’m going to sleep well tonight knowing I made the right decision.” That’s probably because he has guards around his home and an anti-murderer alarm system. The rest of us aren’t so lucky. Maybe we have guns, but they can’t shoot murderers while we’re sleeping (note to self: design gun that can shoot murderers while one is sleeping; must have silencer). I just hope the next governor, the once with the unpronounceable name that I won’t even attempt to spell (I tried copying and pasting from a news article, but, by the time I went to paste, the computer forgot how to spell it), won’t be as big a jackass. Then again, he is a Democrat.

The U.S. is deploying more troops to the Gulf, including 6,000 to 7,000 Marines. This makes it look like war is pretty inevitable, because you just know the Marines are going to spot some Iraqis and exclaim excitedly, “Can we kill them? Can we kill them?” And then their commander has to tell them in a somber voice, “No, I’m afraid you can’t kill them yet.” But the Marines will give him this sad, puppy dog look, and you know eventually that commander is going to cave in (could you have the heart to tell a U.S. Marine he can’t kill someone?).
Unfortunately, we’re waiting on Hans Blix, the U.N. weapons inspector and cartoon space monkey. He seems to think that there is actually some circumstance where we wouldn’t want to have war with Iraq, and thus he is actually waiting for evidence. Why didn’t we just promise him a few barrels of sweet sweet Iraqi oil in exchange for a rubber stamp?
I have an idea. Cheney doesn’t seem to be up to very much lately, so why doesn’t he put on some glasses and impersonate Hans Blix. He could at first act all buddy-like with Saddam, but then later tell the press, “Goody goody!” (that’s Hans Blix’s catch phrase) “Everytime I turn around I see nothing but weapons of mass destruction! Whatever shall I do?” To then further convince everyone, he can then do the Hans Blix dance that Blix is always doing when he is excited (it’s hard to describe, but I’m sure Cheney has intelligence photos of it available to him).
Saddam will probably be really surprised and say, “What are you talking about? My weapons of mass destruction were too well hidden for you to find!”
Inevitably, Hans Blix will come stumbling out exclaiming, “Some one hit me on the noggin and stole me chocolates!”
Saddam will then turn to Cheney and yell, “You tricked me, you Yankee, imperialist pig-dog!”
It will be too late then. Marines will already be storming Iraq killing people left and right and strapping barrels of oil to their backs to carry away. Saddam will probably pull out a gun and shoot Cheney, who will just stand there laughing as bullets bounce off his chest (Dick Cheney is bulletproof). Cheney can then strangle Saddam using his cybernetic strength and escape with his jetpack.
Another option to get the war moving that doesn’t involve giving Hans Blix a concussion is to plant evidence. After yet another day of Saddam pulling the wool over the eyes of inspectors, he’ll probably invite them to one of his palaces to show there are no hard feelings. Then, just as he opens the doors to his palace, everyone will spot a nuclear bomb sitting right there is the lobby.
“Whaa!?” Saddam will probably exclaim.
“Goody goody! What a large nuclear weapon. I must tell the U.N.!” Hans Blix will say before scampering off.
“But there has been some mistake! That’s not where I keep my nuclear weapons!” Saddam will plead, but the American planes especially designed for stealing oil will already be flying overhead.
“Damn you, you Yankee, imperialist pig-dogs!” Saddam will yell into the air, “You haven’t seen the last of me!” But we will have, because just then a sniper bullet will explode his head because it will be one of this special head-exploding rounds U.S. intelligence sometimes uses when, for the purpose of gaining an advantage in negotiations, we need to make it look like one of our diplomats is a Scanner.
Some of this post is based on conjecture.

Rachel Lucas has some links to some great gun t-shirts. Can’t wait until she has the modeling photos.
Tim Blair goes a different route on his gun name ideas. He has a point; I believe on that arbitrary the list of things of which a gun can’t have more than two of or it’s an assault rifle, one is a cool name.
My arch-nemesis Scott Ott announces that the circle of Democratic presidential candidates is now complete.
Mean Mr. Mustard has a new photo round-up.
Finally, the Iraqis are trying to bring down The Sound and Fury! The dastards! I’m sure Rumsfeld would kill them all if he could. And whatever happened to Max Power? Did the Iraqis get him too?

Just when you thought North Korea couldn’t get any more insane, they start saying things like, “If the United States evades its responsibility and challenges us, we’ll turn the citadel of imperialists into a sea of fire.” What the hell are they talking about? And then, at a rally the government says it will “smash U.S. nuclear maniacs” in a “holy war.” I thought Commies were atheists; I guess that’s just how loony they are now that they can’t even keep their own views straight. My first response to all this was to think that, due to sanctions, they’re only able to get some really back crack into that country, but I then had an epiphany. Life is terrible in North Korea, and there is no freedom and no food. They probably just can’t take it anymore and thus are trying to do what ‘s referred to as “suicide by cop.” They want to antagonize us so much that we wipe them out, thus ending their misery of starvation and being ruled by the Pee-Wee Herman of dictators. Well, America is no charity, and we’re not just going to nuke someone because they want it. If they were smart, instead of spending all their money on trying to make nukes, they could have just bought some cyanide laced Kool-Aid. Sheesh.

I’ve finally update my beliefs again as I know everyone is dying to know what to think on important issues. So, this time I cover affirmative action, immigration, and gravity.

I think designing firearms would be an awesome job to have. Almost as fun would be coming up with cool names for said firearms. I love the double entendre names for guns that mean one thing by themselves, but something entirely different when applied to a firearm. Name like Peacemaker, Persuader, Liberator, and Defender. Here are a few of my own firearms name I came up with and what I think the gun would be.
1. The Problem Solver – All purpose assault rifle with scope and grenade launcher attachment.
2. The Panacea – Reliable, semi-automatic handgun (I’m thinking .45), compact enough for concealment.
3. The Negotiator – Compact sub-machine gun with integral silencer.
4. The Surgeon – Highly accurate sniper rifle.
5. The Ombudsman – Expensive, shiny .357 magnum revolver.
If you have any more ideas, put them in the comments section.

North Korea is saying that any actions against it “would lead to the Third World War.” I have to admit, that’s actually a good idea they have. I’m tired of all these little conflicts with pissant nations, and it would nice to take out all of our enemies in one big fight. I guess the big question is what would we subtitle it? The first one was just called The World War and the second was World War II: The Germans Strike Back, but I’m not sure what we’ll call this one. Maybe it could be World War III: America Finally Got Fed Up With All You Jackasses, but that’s a little too long.
Well, the subtitle can wait; lets’ look who the major players are. Now, as I see it, the main character is America, and Israel will be our intrepid sidekick. Europe will be like the stubborn police captain who is always yelling at us and keeping us from doing our job. Canada will be the comic relief.
As for enemies, there will be North Korea and Iraq, of course. I assume that almost all the Middle East will rally against us (they’re going to have to, or audiences just aren’t going to buy the conflict). China will be the main bad guy and the final battle. I also assume there will be some betrayals on the European side, like Germany could suddenly resume their evil ways (I don’t know how big of a surprise that will be). I’m not sure what side France will come down on; I assume they will surrender first just to be safe and then pick which side they ally with so they know who to surrender to. I really hope they decide to be our ally, because God knows I don’t want to occupy them.
Still, there needs to be some sort of plot twist where we can’t use our nukes; otherwise we’ll struggle to have a runtime of any 90 minutes. Maybe China has been making a secret space laser or something.
On a side note, I assume that when we win we’ll get all of the Middle East’s oil and all of China’s pandas, but does North Korea have anything we want? I guess we can just take their nukes to make ourselves that much more nukey.