Rachel Lucas takes a look at the new Smith and Wesson .50 magnum. Heh heh. “It shoots through schools.”
Poor Bigwig gets no respect. His French military history piece is getting sent everywhere (a friend just forwarded it to me today) but credit to him is absent. I wish I wrote something popular enough to get spread around with it being credited to me.
Emperor Misha I wants merchandise. I want money too. Someone has to come up with a fool proof way for us bloggers to get cash.
This bunny is freaky. I hope no one adopts him. (I just felt like being mean all a sudden)
Archive of entries posted on 14th February 2003
In My World: Clinton Visited by Ghosts of Founding Fathers
For the benefit of those wondering what the opinion of a self-indulged, immoral, scumbag is about war with Iraq, Clinton spoke at a Synagogue Thursday. He said the Bush should not take action without guidance from cartoon space monkey Hans Blix. Clinton also said any “pre-emptive strike” against Iraq by the United States should come only with the support of Europe, including inconsequential assclown NATO members France, Belgium and Germany.
To the surprise of everyone in attendance, once Clinton finished speaking the ghosts of George Washington, Thomas Jefferson, James Madison, and Benjamin Franklin materialized in front of him. “Wow, what an honor!” Clinton exclaimed, “Now you can explain to everyone how great a legacy my presidency made and maybe convince them to make me president again.”
A smile formed on Washington’s ethereal face. “We’ve watched you for a long time.”
“Pretty impressive, huh?” Clinton beamed, “I knew you guys wouldn’t care about a few little scandals here in there when my heart was into making America great. Well, I just want you to know, I humbly accept you bowing before me.”
Washington chuckled a bit. “Yeah… that’s what we’re here for. As we’ve said, we’ve watched you for a long time, and we’ve always wanted to meet you in person like this so we could tell you something.”
“Sure, what?”
Washington floated closed, his translucent face seemingly bearing a grave matter. “Now, I want you to listen to this and remember it well.”
The ghost of the founding fathers then beat Clinton savagely for three hours straight. Clinton supporters fled the synagogue in terror, but soon other people crowded in when they heard a fight going on. And it was quite spectacular, the poltergeist rage of the founding fathers flinging Clinton against the walls and ceilings, and then ripping objects off the walls to beat him with.
“It was so cool!” exclaimed Sean Cooper, 17, who witnessed the event. “They were totally like railing on the guy. I started feeling sorry for Clinton, but then he started talking again which just got everyone pissed more, especially the ghost dudes. Franklin then held him from behind while Madison whaled on him yelling, ‘Feel your pain!’ I don’t know much about James Madison, but I’m going to have to look him up in a history book; that guy rocks!”
“Clinton may not know what ‘is’ is,” said Jeremy Mitchell, 26, who ran in after hearing the commotion and applause, “but we sure all now know the definition of an ass-kicking.”
After the ghosts finally departed, Clinton himself was nowhere to be seen, possibly having been pulled into a ghost world to suffer eternal torments. It was a while later, though, he turned up in a nearby dumpster, disappointing many. Historians are now debating whether to add a new asterisk to Clinton’s name on the list of presidents, making it now read “William Jefferson Clinton *impeached **savagely beaten by founding fathers”.
Many Fear the Unknown, And Thus I Fear Belgium
Iraq’s existance still mocks me. Who’s to blame? France, Germany, Russia, and Belgium keep wanting to delay our war with pointless and endless inspections, allowing Saddam to continue plotting while his military goes unkilled. The question is, does America have enough courage to stand up to Belgium? I’m not so sure. I assume that most Americans, like me, do not know much about Belgium. All I know is that they are in Europe somewhere and have some association with chocolate and waffles. For all I know, they exist on a floating fortress, and all the Belgipinos are cybernetic giants who speak their harsh sounding Belgianese. I simple don’t know and am too lazy to look it up.
I have a better idea than risking a fight with these mysterious Belgillians. If we can’t get a vote for attacking Iraq, let’s declare war on the U.N. Since the building is in New York, it will be really simple to deploy our troops; we can even use public transportation. Plus, we have lots of good reasons to declare war on them. They associate with known terrorist nations, they interfere with our interests, and we hate them. So let’s bomb the U.N. building to rubble thus destroying their power. Then we can make an even more exclusive United Nations where only America is allowed to join. Now the U.N. will actually be efficient and capable of making international law. Also, if any other nations try uniting again, we shall deal out harsh punishments for their conspiracy.
The world shall be ours, and all other nations will have to grovel before us. Not even Belgium’s fearsome leader, Belgazor, will be able to stop us. Muh ha ha ha!
Oh yeah, and then we can fight Iraq.