First I had trouble with the French, and now I’ve gotten this e-mail in response to my Brief History of Canada (some editing was done because I felt like it):

Very interesting analysis of the history of Canada, eh. You forgot to mention the way in which your peacefull neighbour has devloped into a more humaine country that they overbearing lug next door (America).
What aboot the part where, Canada, creates free natioanl healthcare for its people while America, invades small south American countries ousting their democratically elected governments and installing dictorship regimes in the name of democracy, eh.
You forgot to mention how Canada devlopes its streets, makes sure that its people don’t live in disgusting ghetto’s and attempts to institutue a multiculturalism policy where all people can be maintain their culture, while its nieghbour to the south, forgets about its poverty stricken people lving on food stamps in bullet ridden houses, in favour of “saving” the poor deluded souls in the middle east who are not intelligent enough to govern themselves.
Canada is not a perfect country, but it is a hell of alot better than your heavy handed, gun wielding pathetic excuse for a nation, eh.
Kearie

Since someone took the time to write me such a long letter, I, of course, responded:

Thank you for your letter, Kearie. I meant no offense by my history, as I was unaware Canada had access to our American invented internet and thus thought no Canadian would have been able to read it and be offended. Anyway, I will keep this brief, as I’m sure your sessions on the internet must be short since moose keep chewing on your ethernet cables. I would just like to remind you of something I’m sure you are fully aware of: there are more of us Americans, we all have guns, and it’s a big open border between America and Canada. Thus logic dictates you be nice to us, as I’m sure your national healthcare has at least a two week wait to have a bullet wound treated.
Cordially,
Frank J.

Keep those letters coming. They’re great for writer’s block.