The moment of truth has arrived at the U.N., as an informal Security Council meeting will finally decided the U.N.’s position on Iraq. If the U.N. votes for the military action, it will give further support to the U.S. war with Iraq. If the U.N. votes against attacking Iraq, it will lose its legitimacy and the U.N. building will be immediately bulldozed to the ground.
“Actions will soon be taken,” President Bush announced to the press, “This is our enemy’s final chance. After today, they can talk to the cruise missiles, and the cruise missiles are not good conversationalists. They are prone to constant interruptions, often brash in their language, and are poor listeners. Plus, they incinerate you.”
“Are you implying that there is a chance for Iraq to avoid war if they immediately disarm now?” asked a reporter.
“Hell, no – I promised the American people stolen Iraqi oil and that’s what they’re going to get. What I was talking about was France. France better start shaping up or America will rain its mighty wrath upon them.”
“You’re really angry enough about France’s behavior to attack them?”
“Yes we are. We renamed the french fries and french toast in the cafeteria to “freedom toast” and “freedom fries” since anything with “french” as part of the name will cause someone to vomit. We’ve also now made it part of all sporting events that, after our national anthem is played, a French flag is burned. Then a French tourist is publicly beaten.”
President Jaques Chirac appeared unintimidated. “Silly Americans, you cannot harm the great and mighty France,” he announced to the press, “We will veto your war and then America will crumble since it no longer has the support of the true powerhouse in this world: the U.N. Then Saddam and I will find Dick Cheney’s undisclosed location and defeat America from the inside. When America is gone, Saddam and I shall rule together, plunging the world into tyranny and rudeness.” Chirac then laughed evilly and effeminately until a squirrel ran by. Then he ducked behind his podium and started crying.