You just know there were a bunch of reporters waiting for the first soldier to stub his toe so they could shout, “Quagmire!” We here at IMAO (meaning me) are much more supportive our troops and their war efforts. Our fighting men and women are doing their best to liberate Iraq even though that puts their own lives at risk. In reality, they should all get a Nobel Peace prize for not just shooting everything that moves while in Iraq. Actually, our whole country should get a Nobel Peace prize for not just nuking everyone whose tone of voice we don’t like, but, instead, they just give those awards to people like Jimmy Carter and Arafat and, if I recall correctly, Hitler was the first winner of the Nobel Peace prize.
Anyway, I understand this war will take time and I’m not going to jump to conclusion or rush anybody. Still, I have some ideas to help out. You may have seen the leaflets they’ve been dropping on Iraq, and, a good while back, I had some ideas for those. Now I have some new ones that take into account recent events:
FRONT: (picture of happy Iraqis) “We’re here to liberate the people of Iraq.”
BACK: (picture of Iraqi home burning) “But even look at us funny and we’ll murder you and your family.”
FRONT: (picture of Iraqi flag flying proudly) “We’re not here to occupy Iraq or takes its resources.”
BACK: (picture of American flag over Baghdad) “But piss us off and we may change our mind.”
FRONT: (picture of Iraqis with hands up) “If you want to live, surrender to our troops.”
BACK: (picture of mushroom cloud) “But try any of that phony surrender crap again and we’ll nuke your whole country.”
FRONT: (sinister picture of Saddam) “We’re only here to remove Saddam and his regime.”
BACK: (picture of American shooting indiscriminately at enemies) “But when we’re tired and cranky from constant ambushes, everyone starts to look like Saddam.”
FRONT: (picture of Iraqis firing their weapons) “On second thought, go ahead and fight us.”
BACK: (picture of a Marine with a broad smile) “Our Marines sure love kill’n.”