You just know there were a bunch of reporters waiting for the first soldier to stub his toe so they could shout, “Quagmire!” We here at IMAO (meaning me) are much more supportive our troops and their war efforts. Our fighting men and women are doing their best to liberate Iraq even though that puts their own lives at risk. In reality, they should all get a Nobel Peace prize for not just shooting everything that moves while in Iraq. Actually, our whole country should get a Nobel Peace prize for not just nuking everyone whose tone of voice we don’t like, but, instead, they just give those awards to people like Jimmy Carter and Arafat and, if I recall correctly, Hitler was the first winner of the Nobel Peace prize.
Anyway, I understand this war will take time and I’m not going to jump to conclusion or rush anybody. Still, I have some ideas to help out. You may have seen the leaflets they’ve been dropping on Iraq, and, a good while back, I had some ideas for those. Now I have some new ones that take into account recent events:
FRONT: (picture of happy Iraqis) “We’re here to liberate the people of Iraq.”
BACK: (picture of Iraqi home burning) “But even look at us funny and we’ll murder you and your family.”
FRONT: (picture of Iraqi flag flying proudly) “We’re not here to occupy Iraq or takes its resources.”
BACK: (picture of American flag over Baghdad) “But piss us off and we may change our mind.”
FRONT: (picture of Iraqis with hands up) “If you want to live, surrender to our troops.”
BACK: (picture of mushroom cloud) “But try any of that phony surrender crap again and we’ll nuke your whole country.”
FRONT: (sinister picture of Saddam) “We’re only here to remove Saddam and his regime.”
BACK: (picture of American shooting indiscriminately at enemies) “But when we’re tired and cranky from constant ambushes, everyone starts to look like Saddam.”
FRONT: (picture of Iraqis firing their weapons) “On second thought, go ahead and fight us.”
BACK: (picture of a Marine with a broad smile) “Our Marines sure love kill’n.”
The last one reminds me of a scene in the movie Tombstone. Good guys kick in a door, pointing their guns at bad guy in the bed, and shout “DON’T MOVE!”. Doc Holiday stands between them in plain view, guns in holsters, and says with a smile: “Oh by all means, please move…”
🙂
Hitler never won the Nobel Peace prize…he got to host the olympics in ’36 though. However, there are a couple of people of note that won the Nobel Peace prize in the 30s for their actions in “helping disarm Germany” and negotiating peace after, say, the seizure of the Rhineland.
ARTHUR HENDERSON- Chairman of the League of Nations Disarmament Conference
CARLOS SAAVEDRA LAMAS- President of the Société des Nations (League of Nations)
LORD EDGAR ALGERNON ROBERT GASCOYNE CECIL- Founder and President of the International Peace Campaign.
CARL VON OSSIETZKY Journalist (with Die Weltbühne, among others), pacifist.
What a great job they did with Germany too! So that’s why Kofi Annan wants to wait. According to history, he would have gotten a Nobel Peace Prize…right before Iraq did something evil.
Hitler didn’t win a Nobel peace prize? You mean Frank was joking!? Nah, couldn’t be, you should double check that.
Frank, great post ^_^
Frank, perhaps you’re thinking of Hitler being named Time’s Man Of The Year.
FRONT: Map of Iraq with stars and dots denoting where the cities are; “This is your country”
BACK: Map of Iraq with craters denoting where the cities were; “This is your country if you use WMD. Any questions?”
I heard today that amnesty international, an international created for the purpose of observing Israel and the United States to ensure that no human rights are violated by these harsh rogue regimes is calling for an investigation of Iraq (oops I mean the United STates) for the apparent death of 15 Iraqi civilians in Bagdhad. Yes we don’t need Frank’s satire to see the absurd side of life.
FRONT: We came into your homes, murdered your kids, stole your oil, ruined your pride and made fun of your turbans…
BACK: …and all you got were these lousy flyers all over your lawn.
Oh come on, Drexil, we never made fun of their turbans.
Frank,
I think Drexil is merely a bit confused- he obviously thinks you’re talking about propaganda Saddam might use.
no comment
u sad twats
Hitler never won a Nobel, but the 1938 Peace Prize was awarded to the Nansen International Office of Refugees as a compromise candidate after the committee was unable to choose between Adolf Hitler and Mohandas Ghandi for the 1938 prize.
Really.
minted