Some site doesn’t seem to like that post I wrote a while back about bombing france, but it’s hard to tell since the whole site is written in crazy monkey gibberish. It’s crazy! (thanks to Matt from Overtaken by Events for the link).
Joanna Jacobs has a lesson about wolves, bears, and U.N. Resolutions.
Mean Mr. Mustard calls for us to slow down arresting Al Qeada bigwigs.
If you want, you can plug the crazy monkey gibberish into the translation engine linked below. Just paste the URL into the field provided, and you’ll see the French turn into a close approximation of Webster’s English. You can even read the crazy French comments.
http://babelfish.altavista.com/
Here’s the gist of what it says (in no way a perfect translation):
Main headline: “It’s so good to be loved.” Then Matt’s bumper sticker.
Another sign of America in all its glory is straight from Nashville, Tennessee. link to article “Demonstrators smash Peugot …” which he states reminds him of images of Nazi Germany burning books containing non-German thought.
The racists (something) is also expressing itself in bilingual blogs (link to merdeinfrance.blogspot.com).
About the boycott of French products, it is coming (or happening?). But it does not bother me too much. No good wine, no excellent cheese, and no delicate perfume for those fat American brutes. That would be like giving caviar to pigs.
Something I am probably wrongfully translating as “stay in your own world” with a link to McDonalds.
And yes, America causes fear.
Finally, I am not the only one who thinks America is the biggest threat to peace in the world in 2003 (link to Time article).
Hope that helps,
Vicky, Matthew’s wife
Vicky, “la haine raciste” is “racist hatred”. The line with McDonalds is “Better stay and chow down on your shit (link to McDonalds).”
The French, they are, how you say, so eloquent! So suave!
Surlybird – thanks for the help! I took four semesters of French many moons ago, but it’s all extremely rusty.
Check out this great new parody of Tolkien’s Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers . . .
. . . written by spanking-new blogger, Molly Winter. Molly, a published author and Live Journal bon vivant, is testing the waters of the blogosphere.
Welcome to the blogosphere, Molly!
Wrong animal….it’s not monkey gibberish, it’s Frog-ese!
I posted my essay on the French. Will I get cyber stalked by a hairy, stinky Frenchman?
CREATING A WEAPON OF MASS DESTRUCTION FROM FRENCH B.O.?
I have hit upon a useful role for the French in the War on Terror.
We all know that the French have a problem with body odor. The etiology of this is a combination of water, soap and deodorant- phobias as well as a form of flatulence caused by a kind of jaundice called “yellow-bellyism.”
It is not defamation of the French to say all this. We have long known about the problem. It was first brought to our attention by three of our most illustrious ancestors: The Warner Bros. and Mel Blanc. Do you remember how they personified the French on screen? They portrayed the French through that famous character: the skunk Pepe Le Pew.
Have you noticed how Bugs Bunny freezes in mute horror upon being kissed by Pepe Le Pew? I agree that Bugs might be a little homophobic–but I think that Bugs freezes up because Pepe probably smells like a horrid combination of toe jam and dirty underwear.
We can take advantage of this.
To do so, we will need to retool one of our Drone aircraft so that it carries that Hubbell space ship equipment used to analyze and measure gases on other planets. Then we will send the Drone over France to get all of the information that we need to replicate and strengthen the potency of the smell of the French into a Pepe Le Pew- inspired Weapon of Mass Destruction called the “French Stench”. After development and manufacture, we will use this new weapon on Iraq.
Of course the French Stench will not actually kill people. It will merely freeze the Iraqis ala Bugs Bunny. We will call this effect: “Pew Paralysis”, named, of course, after Pepe. When all the Iraqis are frozen by “Pew Paralysis.”, we will send in our gas mask-wearing Special Forces to surgically remove Sadamm and the Republican Guard from the face of the earth. Then we can paralyze the rest of the world and ferret out Al Qaeda and that North Korean psycho guy and his family.
By using the French Stench we will totally avoid Collateral Damage!
The Hollywood crowd should love this approach because it will not kill little Iraqi children–but we all know that the Hollywood Boobs will continue to bitch and moan about something. So after we defeat the Axis of Evil, we will use the French Stench on California so that we can surgically remove people like George Clooney and Alec Baldwin. We will then imprison them all in a warehouse into which we will pump a continuous supply of French Stench to keep them in a suspended state of “Pew Paralysis.” It will be as if they are perennially riding in a crowded French subway car.
This cannot be called kidnapping or false imprisonment. Didn’t these people express their desire to leave the country after the Presidential election anyway? We will merely make their dream come true by sending them to a simulated version of France. It will be a totally win-win solution.
I’ll be go to Hell!
A Frog Blog!
Here is that French guys response to our comments on that website. Somehow he has the idea that because a lot of Texans, like me, are expressing criticism against the French–we somehow have no Freedom of Expression anymore. Talk about Orwellian!! Anyway, here is the translation:
“Not badly of “hate mall” these times. The majority come from Texas. Does that astonish you? An additional proof that the USA are not any more the large country of the democracy and freedom d?expression. I am so sad for you.”