“Mr. President I just need you to sign these war plans for attacking Syria and a couple more countries to be named later.”
“What countries?”
“You’d never heard of them,” Rumseld said irately, “Just sign the paper.”
“Uh-uh, Rummy. No more wars until you finish your first one. You still have to secure Tikrit, and I need some WMD’s to prove to everyone I’m right and they’re wrong.” Bush then turned the nearby monitor. “Isn’t that right, Dick.”
“Some clear evidence of weapons of mass destruction will really help our cause,” Cheney agreed.
“You will do as I tell you!” Rumsfeld shouted, “I’m the Secretary of War! Defy me and I’ll kill you both!”
Bush laughed. “You can’t kill us both, silly; Dick’s location is undisclosed.”
“That’s right. You kill Bush, I become president,” Cheney said.
“Of course, since I am the only one who knows where he is,” Bush muttered to himself, “If you killed me, he would eventually starve to death, so thus killing me would kill him indirectly.”
“What!” Cheney exclaimed, “You didn’t you tell anyone else where I am this time?”
“Undisclosed,” Bush told him calmly, “Anyway, you’re going to laugh and laugh when you find out where you are this time.”
“Quit jabbering and approve my war!” Rumsfeld shouted angrily.
“No, you finish your first war like a good Secretary of Defense and then we’ll talk.”
“Rarr!” Rumsfeld yelled as he punched a large whole in the wall.
“Man,” Bush sighed, “That’s why I always hold these meetings in Daschle’s office.”
“Rarr!” Rumsfeld cried again as he picked up Daschle’s desk and threw it out the window.
“I think I hear music,” Cheney said, “Did you hide me at the carnival again?”
“No, way off,” Bush laughed, “Man, this one is so funny. The suspicious looking Middle-Eastern men I told it to thought it was funny as well.”
“Suspicious looking Middle-Eastern men!” Cheney exclaimed, “They could only be one thing: terrorists.”
Just then, Bush watched on screen as two terrorists wielding AK-47 entered the room with Cheney. “American infidel!” one shouted, “We will make you tell us nuclear secrets!”
“Not if I can help it!” Cheney declared, grabbing his chest and collapsing to the floor.
“We have to help Dick!” Bush cried.
“Where is he?” Rumsfeld asked.
“He’s at the mall in the boarded up store that says ‘Soon to be a Dunk’n Donuts’.”
“You almost hit me with my desk!” Daschle whined, entering his office.
“What are you going to do about it?” Bush asked, “Cry?”
“Yes!” Daschle yelled, starting to tear up.
“Rarr!” Rumsfeld yelled, tossing Daschle out the window.
“That was funny!” Bush said, pointing and laughing. “Uh… now what were we doing?”
“You were signing my excessive war plans,” Rumsfeld told him, handing him the paper.
“Okey-dokey,” Bush said as he started to sign it. He then glanced at the monitor. “Man, those terrorists are doing some piss-poor CPR.”