Okay, people. I don’t think you’re taking this vote seriously. This is supposed to be a picture to represent your beloved Frank J., and so far the leader in votes is Agent Monkey-for-a-Head. Rather than a picture of me, people want a monkey; what a hit to my self-esteem. Makes me want to make sucidally-depressed Frank the official picture. The first four, which were meant to be the non-joke pictures, currently have a total of 14 votes out of 248, with picture number one (smirking Frank) in the lead of those four with 6 votes. I voted for number three, and so far only one other person agreed with me. Anyway, after monkey face, matrix Frank and homicidal rage Frank are in a close battle for second. Maybe I’ll have a runoff vote…
I knew putting up donation buttons would change my whole view of this webpage. Now I look on all you non-donators as vile moochers of my genius. Well, maybe instead I can offer something extra to people who donate, like an exclusive In My World post only for donors. Right now all they get is a thank you note with my actual name (Ooh… mysterious! And mildly hard to figure out.)
Or maybe I can sell my integrity, like Bill Clinton selling Whitehouse access for donations. Links of the day will be up for sale to whomever pays me. Considering how much they give me is how good the link will be (I think I have a good understanding now of how to generate traffic for others 😉 For non-bloggers, donors can be put in an In My World post. Small donations and you’re just the name of one of the random reporters. Larger donations can have you killed by Rumsfeld, and with even larger donations you can be the next victim of the Rumsfeld Strangler™. For a huge donation, you can be Condoleezza Rice’s love interest in an epic In My World where you team up with Rumsfeld to fight Cyber-Lenin and his legion of hippies.
The other idea is extortion. I could write the funniest In My World ever – one with the angriest, reporter-killingest Rumsfeld yet – and then I’ll threaten to use PGP wipe on it to destroy it forever unless a certain amount of money is placed in my paypal account by a specified date. I would also drink vodka until it was erased from my own memory. Actually, I’ll probably drink the vodka whether I got the money or not.
Maybe best ways to trick people into giving me money can be the next vote.
In my opinion, the best t-shirt suggestion so far is one for a “Nuke the Moon” themed t-shirt. The only problem is how do I condense the intense philosophical implications of that essay into something that can fit on a t-shirt. Any ideas would be appreciated.
Also, apparently I confused people by posting two things at once in the morning. I had a normal humor post today – pure gold as usual – and it’s absolutely free… for now.
Rumsfeld tomorrow.
I think Rummy needs to murder Hans Blix.
Not the space monkey!!! Just kidding, that’s a good idea.
I’m starting to wonder if I should have ever mentioned the donation thing or not. Frank is turning into an evil money hungry monster.
I think “nuke the moon for world peace” would be enough for a t-shirt.
Well, I voted for #7. My second choice would have been #3.
As for the money, I’m fresh out, but as soon as I get more of it, I’m giving you some.
Yes, Andrew, my site is going down the drain and it’s all thanks to you. Soon I’ll have even more pop up ads than Bill Quick, and Rumsfeld will be endorsing new products before using them to beat a reporter to death.
I rather like #7, which was my vote, on the idea of funny site, funny picture, but without going too over the top. #3 is probably the reasonable, smilingly normal one to use.
I kinda like #7 too. Does seem to fit with the site.
I think I’d buy a “Nuke the Moon” t-shirt. On the front, “Nuke the Moon.” On the back, “My Solution for World Peace.”
By the way, just recently stumbled upon your site last week. Some of the funniest stuff I’ve read yet. You have a way of lightening the mood on this they many people, probably me included, take too seriously.
I was all set to vote for #7 — seems so well in character with the ‘blog — until I saw #9. Now THAT’S in character!
But, seriously (ahem), if you want a proper head-shot, man, have someone else take the photo! Someone who knows a thing or two about lighting! This digital flash photography is the pits. If yer gonna take an arms-length self-photo at least do it outside in natural light! You will be amazed at the difference. Batch-of-ten #2 up for vote coming soon???
How about
“Peace through superior Moonkey power”
Mildly hard to figure out? I’m surprised they don’t have your dental records online along with all the other information they publish about people who own domains. If you want to stalk Frank “J” it would be very easy. I know I’m going to.
How many reporters to I have to kill to get a Nuke the Moon t-shirt?
I linked to your Nuke the Moon post from my pathetic little blog, by the way.
I’d buy an LMAO coffee mug. Well, if I had a job and had some money I’d buy one.