I got this hate mail yesterday (edited for The Children™) from a Pat Gale:
Eat a DICK you ignorant f**k…lol
Sorry to hear that you are an asshole.
peace
Yes, I think children should be able to hear the word asshole.
Anyway, this confused me. First off, what is he/she (I don’t know what gender because of the name “Pat”, so I’ll just refer to the subject as “the Mongoloid” for simplicity) was lol’ing about. Was it something I wrote, or was the Mongoloid entertained by its own statement? And who did the Mongoloid hear from that I’m an asshole? If it’s one of you, please fess up to it.
Anyway, I just needed some more clarity, so I wrote back:
Please clarify your outrage so that I might be less of an ignorant f**k and an asshole in the future.
Thanks,
Frank J.
I’m still waiting for a response, but if anyone else has some suggestions to make me less of an ignorant f**k and an asshole, please tell me. It’s from your input that this site gets even better.
I bet it comes full circle to your attitude towards monkeys. ‘Pat Gale’ is a great name for someone that belongs to PETA- probably a treasurer or marketing person. That would explain the angst. Perhaps she (Pat Gale from PETA sounds like a woman) is suggesting you eat a person named ‘Richard’, hence, DICK. Again, PETA people are elitist, so there’s the ‘ignorance’ issue as well as the profanity. Lastly, the LOL and reference to ‘hearing your an asshole’ is attributed to the fact that PETA people are elitist and NUTS- it was the voices in her head that she heard this from.
So, nothing a tin foil hat and a T-bone steak could’t fix.
Damn, Frank, this is serious! A quick Google search for the name “Pat Gale” produced this picture:
How did you know about the mongoloid thing? Are you freaking physic, or what? This guy is a lab tech at some university, which explains the “peace” sign-off. Clearly a hippie wannabe.
I’d steer clear of this one if I were you, Frank. No more taunting responses to his email, okay? I’m picking up a “Unibomber” vibe.
In my previous post, I clearly meant to type “psychic”, instead of “physic”. Please pardon the typo. You see, I too, am a mongoloid.
Oh, my god! Frank, Pat Gale is a looney animal rights activist from Conway, NH, known as the blanket lady. Obviously, your views on PETA have sparked her rath. Beware of little old ladies with knitting needles! Here’s a newspaper story about her.
Roz Manwaring, executive director of the Conway Area Humane Society (left) says people have been wonderful in supporting the project. One of those is Pat Gale who led an effort to knit 60 cat beds for the facility which is now seeking bids for construction.
Whether Pat Gale is a psychotic lab tech from Montana or a deranged cal lady from New Hampshire, you are some serious trouble! I’d lay low for a while. Take a trip somewhere. I hear Cancun is nice.
Don’t you think it is weird that my twin brother and I are both sitting at our computers — 300 miles apart — and we both searched Google, posted photos on IMAO, made typos in our posts (mine was supposed to read “your views on monkeys” not “views on PETA”), and all within the span of ten minutes (Frank L at 12:53 PM and me at 1:06 PM)?
Obviously, we both read your latest post at exactly the same time and had the same thought, “I know, I’ll do a Google search, find Pat Gale, and make a funny ha ha on this Web site.”
Which just means there is no reason to have two of you. You’ll just have to battle it our for who is the ultimate twin.
Or we can a poll on it! (you’ll have to compete against a non-sequitor poll answer involving monkeys, though)
Pat Gale is my next-door neighbor. He has one of those Magic Eight Balls that he really believes in. He asked it, “Is Frank J. an asshole?” and the eight-ball said yes. He laughed out loud and ran off to send you an email.
He wears a tinfoil hat and talks to aliens via a homemade communication device constructed from armadillo shells and kite twine that attached with duct tape to the side of his house, but he’s really a nice guy as long as he stays on his medication.
Cool, Acidman, that explains everything.
Aw, Frank, you’re not an @$$hole at all! You’re sweet, and lovable, and funny. This guy was just projecting his feelings of self-loathing and worthlessness onto you.
Thanks Minstrel! And you’re not so bad yourself… except for that one time you corrected me on my grammar! Don’t think I’ll ever forget that!
Lot of good advice in this thread Frank. I think it boils down to two things – reveal more of your sensitive, caring side, and be more empathetic to the concerns of the unknowns of your vast audience.
Or, alternatively, post more monkey pictures.
Your blog, your call. Glad I’m not in your shoes right now. Tough choices.
Frank, you’re taking the wrong path trying to win over Pat Gale. The it (I won’t use mongoloid because no one from Mongolia has ever done anything bad to me so why I should I bring them into this?) is obviously a schitzophrenic with Turrets Syndrome. Its being profane with the very voice is its head. Unless you have a large enough supply of the legal drugs to control Pat’s behavior, and are willing to share them with it, your only option is fear.
Strike terror into Pat’s heart. Attack its home, slaughter all those around Pat. All the while saying it’s all in its head. Use the psychosis to your advantage. The best part is that if the only survivor is Pat, you’ll go free. What sort of witness would a schitzophrenic with Turrets make? It’d be on the stand going “Yes I saw him do it. No you didn’t! Yes I did fkwad! Cks*cker!” and on and on until the judge ordered the bailiff to shoot Pat.
Out of curiosity, do you ever get a response from the people you write back? Or do they judt like to flame and run?
If you look at the I Hate Frank archives, sometimes they do respond back, usually more reasonablly the second time and then it’s no fun anymore.
I don’t know why you wouldn’t want to be called an Ahole. Or even an effing Ahole.
When certain people call me that I always thank them for the compliment, it usually means they got my point.
As to your question about serious posts, well, as long as they conclude with monkeys or ninjas or squirrels that would be ok with me.
To tell you the truth, I take every post you make as being funny but also as making a serious point. I consider satire to be a valid method for making ideas known.
I don’t know what to really say about your website but I would like my picture removed, since I am the “psychotic lab tech from Montana” that is in the picture. thank you
I told him that your an asshole, I apoligize…….. who am i kidding no I’m not….
I love kissing and making love