Some new characters have been introduced to my In My World posts, and I was thinking that would make a great new topic for Can Anything Beat the Non Sequitur Poll Answer that Mentions Monkeys™. So which new character did you like and want to see more of?
The Unnamed Mexican
He appeared briefly in Bush Plans to Use Blasphemy Instead of War and then played a larger part in El VP.
Quote:
“Why are you still at the undisclosed location?”
“I do not know, senor. One day people come and say, ‘We have to take you to your new location, Vice President Cheney.’ And I say, “I am not this Cheney you speak of.’ But still, they put a blindfold on me and take me away. Now I do not know where I am, senor.”
“Sorry about that,” Bush said, thinking hard, “Man, where could Dick be? If it gets out I lost the VP, you just know there is going to be more of those ‘Bush is dumb’ jokes.”
“Si, senor. I just came up with one myself.”
Fox News Reporter
Appeared shortly but memorably in El VP.
Quote:
“There have been rumors that Syria has been harboring Iraqis and their chemical weapons. Why haven’t we just marched in there and killed all those mother f**kers? Is your administration a bunch of pussies?”
Buck the Marine
Appears as first to talk to the children in Career Day.
Quote:
“What was it like liberating an Iraqi town?” asked the teacher.
“That had its high points and low points. Some Iraqis sniped at me, so I killed them; that was fun. Some cheered me on; couldn’t kill them. A little Iraqi girl walked up and said, ‘I love America.’ That made me happy… but not as much as killing.”
So here is the poll:
UPDATE: The poll is now closed; results are here.
Remember: This is democracy, so take it seriously.
Holy crap! The monkey is actually beind in the polls! Somehow I don’t think this will last long, what with the NH primary coming.
I like the Fox News reporter.
Come on… somone beat the monkey!
More Marine.
Go FOX NEWS!!!
Hey, at least they aren’t lap dogs (I LOVE their new commercial…)
I really want to vote for the canny-yet-humble Mexican, but I need to know if he’s got a green card or if he’s an illegal alien. (I assume he’s not a citizen, or you wouldn’t be so un-PC as to not call him a “Mexican-American.” I know you’re sensitive about such things.)
Well, for that matter, does the monkey have a green card?
Eric
P.S. I DARE you to add another link to Rachel Lucas!
I figured I might as well vote for something other than the monkey at least once. SO… Go Buck the Marine.
The Fox News reporter threw Ari Fleischer for a loop, and I for one was intrigued by the twist. I think people are eager to see how the Fox guy and Rummy get along in future press conferences.
I was planning on bring up the legality of the Mexican later, but, for the record, he was pretty much kidnapped, so it’s not his fault.
BTW, I voted for Buck. I’m a little surprised how popular the Fox News reporter is for how little he appeared.
I couldn’t decide between Buck or the Fox Reporter, so I flipped a coin and Buck won. But I’m thinking maybe you can do some stories with both new characters…The Adventures of Buck the Marine and Jennifer Eccleston the Embedded Foxy Reporter.
The Fox News reporter is so beloved (by me, among others) because in one sentence he perfectly and completely satirized the supposed bloodlust of Fox. He’s great, but rare appearances only.
Now Buck the Marine, HE’S a guy we need to see more of. How DO you do it, Frankmaster J?
Odie,
Now that’s some good thinking.
Although he’s way behind in the polls, I just had to give the Unnamed Mexican his props. The little guy is funny. And it helps to prove that the Bush administration is all about inclusion.
I voted for the FoxNews reporter for the same reason Danny did; for making Ari shift gears just a tad. I’d love it if, when he asks a question, Ari would seem to have an ideological sea-change and give an answer that Susan Sarandon and Michael would be proud of — and then either; a) snap back to reality realizing that he was answering defensively as a reflex, or b) as the other reporters murmur confusedly yell “Gotcha!” and laugh himself silly.
Well, you already have one homicidal military person-Rummy. Why add another? A reporter Rummy won’t want to kill? That’d be something to add!
Damn you for having both buck and the reporter….can’t decide, head exploding due to indecisviness….damn you…..
It appears we have a bunch of fairweather fans. What happened to the monkey? The “monkey-in-the-vote” that I knew would have kicked the crap out of these other silly choices(although they are pretty funny). Come on people, vote for the damn monkey.
MONKEY POWER!!!
I voted for the Fox reporter; Jeff B. nailed the reason – perfect satire in one sentence. I also really liked Buck, though. Some of his lines were incredibly funny. It was a close call. I like the Mexican, but he’s not in their league.
OT – did you see Jenneifer Eccleston in Israel wiht the helmet, and then some shooting starts, and her comments are like bleep bleep they are shooting bleeeeeep
Talk dirty to me baby!
Imagery:
PS – Yes, I think Buck should be played by R Lee Ermey.
Buck. My cousin is a Marine, he has a Harrier, and he knows where Florida is.
Unless, of course, the fox reporter is a hottie like Laurie Dhue or Jennifer Eccleston, and maybe there are two of them, and they’re always accompanied by soft lighting and a cheesy ’70s bass riff…
… gotta stop writing while Cinemax is on…
Gotta ditto Jeff B. and others above, the one line from the Fox News reporter was one of the greatest EVER. So that’s who I voted for…especially if that Fox News reporter turns out to be Jenneifer Eccleston! The first time I saw her on TV, she’s standing on the building by that main Bagdad circular road seen in the webcams, and she’s reporting the gunfire on the other side of the square…Brit Hume is talking to her…”don’t you think you should shut off that camera light and we’ll come back to you?” She says “no, I think we’ll be ok for right now.” I’m like, OMG! that woman has some guts! A few seconds later the gunfire got just a LITTLE too close…and they went back to Brit. But geez…
Buck the Marine was a very, VERY close second.
CORRECTION: She was talking to Shepard Smith at the time, not Brit.
I didn’t vote for the monkey this time, and now I regret it. Voting for something else was a cheap thrill, but now it’s over and I don’t have the same kind of lasting inner peace I got from the previous vote.
Think before you vote, or you might end up like me.
I can’t afford cable, so I don’t get to watch enough Fox to quite get the joke.
So I say go Buck the Marine. He can attend press conferences and help Rummy kill stupid reporters.
I want more Buck.
But I had to vote for the monkey because…y’know…one just bit me. The truth must be known, even at the cost of wasting a vote.
I want BUCK!!!!!!!! He likes the kill’n!!!!
BUCK!!!!!!!!
The Fox Reporter – finally a reporter that asks the important questions!!! Buck was a close second.
I voted for the Fox reporter, but the guy I want to see more at IMAO is Emperor Palpatine, err, Karl Rove.
I’d’ve voted for the Fox reporter if I could’ve known for sure it was Rita Cosby. M’rowr!!! 🙂
You forget the FOXiest reporter of them all: Heather Naurart.
You guys are so wrong, and Jennifer Eccleston is over-rated. Patti Ann Browne is the REAL Fox hottie!
Hmmm…. I couldn’t decide between Buck the Marine and the Fox News Reporter. I think they both kick serious butt.
It’s all about Laurie Dhue(sp?)
Mrrow…
I think you have fleshed out Buck the Marine quite well. I think there is a lot of potential for him. I see you have given him some of the best lines. He can be a real asset to your line up. Now, if we could only get a decent middle reliever.
Personally, I’d love it if the Fox reporter interviewed Buck the Marine.
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