It is agreed; Frank J. is sexy. Quite spontaneously, both Annika and Courtney have declared this so (blogspot direct link isn’t working for Annika, so just go to her page and search for “Frank” or “sexy”). Mothers, hide your daughters; Frank J. is on the prowl.
BTW, just to show I wasn’t objectifying Annika, read her list of 100 things about her, which was a big part of my deciding to link to her.
Speaking of attractive women, here’s a list of 10 things Rachel Lucas curses today. I hope none of them are referring to me 🙂
I better link to at least one non-woman today. Despite his name, Kim du Toit is not a woman and updates with his usual flair on that complete injustice in New York City about prosecuting Ronald Dixon for defending himself.
Acidman, who, as always, is too sexy for his shirt, talks about blogger identity theft. If someone else starts calling himself Frank J. (I’m looking at you, Frank L.), I swear to God I’ll…
Archive of entries posted on 10th June 2003
Frank Answers: Potatoes, Monkey Pox, and “Frankly”
Virginia from Virginia writes:
A question has been bugging me for a long time now: Is there more potato in a bucket of large potatoes or a bucket of small potatoes?
The best way to answer this is by the scientific method. I took a bucket of small potatoes and a bucket of large potatoes and filled them with water. Whichever took less water to fill would have less empty space and more potato. Unfortunately, the potatoes floated. To keep them from floating, I decided a good idea would be to fill them with lead shot. The most efficient way of delivering lead shot to them seemed to be to shoot them with a shotgun.
Anyway, all my potatoes were destroyed, so I had to find another way to get the answer. I decided to call my parents since they live in Idaho and most know all sorts of things about potatoes. My Mom answered the phone.
“Hello?”
“Hey, it’s Frankie-boy!”
“Who?”
“Your son.”
“Joe?”
“No, your other son.”
“Other son?”
“You know, who lives in Florida.”
“Oh… you. What do you want?”
“I wanted to know whether there is more potato in a bucket of large potatoes or a bucket of small potatoes.”
“Now I remember you; you’re kind of an idiot. It’s the bucket of small potatoes. Being smaller, they fit in more compactly.”
“Great. So, do you think I could come home for Christmas this year?”
“Sorry, no room for you this year. Maybe next year.”
“Aww. Well, anyway, I just wanted to say… you still there?”
So there’s the answer: it’s the bucket of small potatoes.
Shawn from Roselle, IL writes:
When I read about the recent outbreak of monkey pox in the Midwest, I instantly suspected you were involved. My question is, is this some sort of genetically engineered virus that you created to destroy monkeys that somehow got out of control and is now infecting humans? Or is it a genetically engineered virus that the monkeys created to destroy you, and they just don’t care how many of the rest of us they take down too?
I am not specifically involved with the monkey pox outbreak. For one thing, I never resort to chemical or biological weapons; I just like plain ‘ole shoot’n when I want something dead.
My theory is that it was created by the monkeys – like many other viruses such as Ebola – to wipe out humanity and thus bring on the “Planet of the Apes” scenario. They decided to first test it on prairie dogs, though, before using it for a full attack.
Do I recommend that we hunt down and kill all monkeys as a result? Yes I do. Of course, I’ve been recommending that action for some time now.
Bill Cimino from Virginia Beach, VA asks:
Do you hate it when people say “frankly”?
Frankly, Cimino, I don’t give a damn.
Please keep the questions coming, <a href=”mailto:THISISSPAMTHISISSPAMace you’re from, I’ll randomly select one.
Know Thy Enemy: Hillary Clinton
Hillary Clinton has a book out! I know all of you must be racing to not read it, but I’ll save you the trouble and not read it for you. Here’s what I didn’t find out from the book:
* Exactly how many people she estimated her universal health plan would kill.
* That Chelsea Clinton was played by a child actor.
* Whether she shot Vince Foster execution style or gangsta style.
* What are the exact details of her pact with Satan.
* How entrenched into our government is her lesbian conspiracy.
* Whether her banshee-like scream can cause people’s heads to explode just like if she were a Scanner.
* Whether regular bullets can kill her or do you need to use silver ones.
* That every time she lies, her thighs grow larger.
* How many genetic scientists did she kidnap to make flying monkeys for her.
* For what purpose does she like to drink the blood of small children.
* Who would win in a fight between her and Aquaman.
* That the only thing that actually surprised her when she heard about the Monica Lewinksy affair is that her husband had relations with a “dirty Jew”.
* She’s not a natural blond.