Homiller from Keokea, HI asks:
Do you have a feel for when we are going to start stealing Iraq’s oil? I’m eager for my share.
Patience, patience. Right now there is too much focus on Iraq, and stealing oil is a delicate thing. Soon, though, we’ll distract the world with some other conflict, either North Korea or Iran, and then we’ll drop this phoney-bologna setting up a new government shtick and get to our real work. As soon as the world’s attention is back to Iraq, we’ll be long gone with all the oil. Then world will be like, “Where’s the Americans?”
And the Iraqis will answer, “We don’t know. They just suddenly left with barrels full of something or another. Those gringos are plum loco.” (I think I’m getting Iraqis mixed up with Mexicans, but you get the gist).
Anyway, then all us war supporters get to split the oil profits which we can spend on more guns, SUV’s, and cool t-shirts.
Buck Hicks from Yazd, Iran writes:
Are you for real? I mean how do we know that you are not some lefty making fun of us conservative readers behind our backs? It would be the perfect scam, don’t you think? Here you are making fun of your audience on a regular basis and we are just lapping it up and asking for more.
That’s just crazy.
Excuse me for a second.
Muh ha ha ha ha… Bwa ha ha hah ha! Ah ha ha HA HA HA!!
Anyway, I’m as rightwing as they come. I really do like guns and punching poor people and all that other conservative stuff.
Carl from Alexandria, MN writes:
Lately it seems that I’ve been hearing over and over that Democrats are for the “Little People”. I was hoping you could tell me why they like little people so much. Also, my girlfriend has been suggesting recently that I begin to diet and lose some weight. Is she part of a vast conspiracy to turn me into one of the “Little People”? Can I really trust her at all? If I do actually lose some weight, will I gradually turn into a foul smelling hippie? Thanks for your answers Frank. I really hope you can help me.
Yes, it’s true, years of believe the tripe Democrats spew twists and mutates people into horrible little mutants known as the “Little People.” They are tiny in size, but have even more hatred and ill will than a full size man. These are the tiny, evil foot soldiers of the Democrats’ crusade to destroy mankind, and they must be stopped.
Where Little People are involved, trust no one, including your girlfriend. Spend your well-earned money on capitalistic items like junk food, candy, and cookies. And, if you hear little feet scampering about and high pitch voices whining about the rich, load that shotgun. Make sure to identify your target, though, because if you accidentally kill a hobbit instead of a Little Person, that’s seven years bad luck.

Please keep the questions coming, <a href=”mailto:THISISSPAMTHISISSPAMace you’re from, I’ll randomly select one.