Pirate Answers: Keeping People in California, Teflon, and Damn Whatcha-Ma-Callits

Time for some advice from a pirate, ye LAN-lubbers. Now listen carefully to what old Captain J. has to say before I have to keelhaul the whole lot of you.
Jason H. from Austin, Texas writes:
I‘ve been hearing a lot about how a lot of Californians are leaving California. It’s only a matter of time before they could damage their status as the state with the most electoral votes and I’m sure that a “brain drain” has already occurred. Is it possible that in the not-so-far-off future that the Californians might build a wall around their state in order to keep what brains, jobs and money they have left from leaving, much like the Communists in East Berlin did? It is a liberal utopia, after all? Thanks
Arrr! I say keep them all in California. We don’t want their kind befouling our fair ports. Barricade the whole state, and keeps ship patrolling it’s coastline, boarding and cutting the throats of anyone who dares try to leave. Just be careful of that Captain Schwarzenegger; he hails from lands far way and could be quite tough. Stories say a musket ball would bounce right off his hide.
Cat Malingowski from York, PA asks:
If nothing sticks to Teflon, how does it stick to the pan?
Sound like witchcraft to me. I find anyone with one of these “Teflon” cooking utensils, I would be fearful of what other sorcery he or she may be capable of. A sturdy cutlass may not be enough to keep you safe from ones such as these. Burn them at the stake, I say; and do it on land, far from me ship.
MonkeyPants the Imperial Falconer writes
A variation on the “Worst figures of the 20th Century”:
You have a gun and a time machine. Who in history would you go back and erase?

Yarrr! That’s an easy one. I would train my musket on whomever invented those damn plastic packaging where you have two solid pieces of hard, clear plastic sealed together, often used for lots of electronics equipment and memory cards. Ye know what I’m talking about? You try to find some edge to pull the halves apart, but usually I end up having to jaggedly cut out the hidden booty with me cutlass. Instead of burying treasure, I could just put it in one of these packaging and it keep it safe for all eternity. Arrr!


Please keep the booty coming, <a href=”mailto:THISISSPAMTHISISSPAMace you’re from, you’ll be swimming with the sharks!

No Comments

  1. Arr, Frank J, me bucko! I have to disagree with ya’r answer to keeping Californians in CA. Tis such a pretty place, why should we let the commie-wanna-be’s take it all when we obviously deserve it more than they! Then we have their ports an gold to boot! But the question be, whar do we put these gun-shy commie pigs? Arghh, Canada seems nice. Thar they can shoot-up an’ smoke thar funny-weed legally… ‘n’ all be happy! Arrh, a reublican CA, i likes the sounds of it!
    As for teflon – aye, tis witchcraft of the the craftiest kind! but have you heard, thar makin’ toilet-bowl cleaner with teflon in it now to make yar expunged goods flow easier! seems to me that thar tryin’ to infect us from the bottom up with their witchcraft ‘n’ sorcery… Arrr! what will we do?!

  2. Har that Teflon bit be easy. That bilious coating be having two sides, a sticky side and a slippery side. That foul sticky side keeps it in the pan while ye heat your gruel against the slippery side.

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