“There was a leak about a CIA operative!” Bush said angrily, “Nothing enrages me more than leaks!” Bush turned to the man next to him who wore a black suit, tie, and sunglasses. “You’re my intelligence guy, right, Clancy?”
“I can neither confirm nor deny that.”
“You’re kind of annoying,” Bush grumbled, “Do you have any idea where the leak came from?”
“The what? I’m not sure what your talk about?” Clancy said.
“It’s all over the news!” Bush shouted.
“I don’t read the news.”
“What do you know then?”
“Classified stuff.”
“Like what?”
Clancy chuckled. “I can’t tell you.”
“Dammit!” Bush yelled, “What about you, Rumsfeld? You know who the leaker is?”
“If I did, wouldn’t there be someone lying strangled on the ground?” Rumsfeld answered gruffly.
“True,” Bush admitted. Bush then looked under the conference table. “What about you, Chinese guy with surveillance equipment hiding under the table? You seem to keep tabs on everything. You know who did the leaking?”
“No speak English,” the Chinese man answered, shrugging his shoulders.
“Fair enough,” Bush answered, “but I will not rest until I find out who is behind this leak! Nothing will keep me from my goal! I swear on the name of my dear departed father that… hey, what’s this?” Bush picked up a newspaper. “Gen. Wesley Clark is planning on going faster than the speed of light! If he beats us to that, we’ll lose the woman vote!”
Karl Rove emerged from the shadows. “I think you have become distracted by something shiny and are not making sense, President Bush.”
“I’m more than not making sense, Rover!” Bush declared. He turned to Condoleezza Rice. “How close are we to going faster than the speed of light.”
“According to our knowledgeable scientist,” Rice answered, “That’s impossible.”
“Then fire them and get me some unknowledgeable scientists!” Bush demanded, “We’ll show that Weasely Clark who can go warp speed!”

Bush looked at the orb like device attached to a slingshot. “So what’s the chance of this going faster than light?” Bush asked.
“According to our statistician,” Condi answered, “That chance of this working can not be expressed as an actual number and instead only as an infinitesimal.”
“I feel fate is with us, though,” Bush said confidently, “So, are you ready, Scott.”
“To report on this event?” asked Scott McClellan.
“No, you’re going to ride it and confirm it goes faster than light speed. We’ll shine a flashlight at the same time and you see if you can beat it.”
“Why me?”
“Why me?” Bush answered back mockingly as she shoved Scott into the transporter, “Be a team player for once, Skippy.”
“Why is it aimed at a wall?” Scott asked, a bit scared.
“Because the wall was built recently,” Bush explained with annoyance, “If you go faster than light, you’ll go back in time, and thus you’ll fly forward before the wall was built. If you don’t go faster than light, you’ll just hit the wall. This makes the outcome obvious.”
“I dunno…” Scott started to say, but was cut off as Bush shut the door on the transporter.
“Fire this baby!” Bush yelled.
The slingshot was released, and the transporter slammed right into the wall.
“That didn’t look like it went faster than light at all,” Bush commented.
“No, I guess not,” Condi answered.
“I’m very hurt,” came a weak voice from the transporter.
“Want to try again?” Condi asked.
“I’m bored of this now,” Bush declared, “What were we doing before?”
“Finding the leaker.”
“Oh yeah,” Bush said walking off, “I bet it was the pizza boy. I can’t tell Stevie anything classified without the whole pizza joint finding out.”
“…help me…”