More poll results! Yay!
Janet Reno may have had her own dance party, but Ashcroft is much funkier.
What best describes John Ashcroft?
Loveable and huggable – 108 votes (22%)
Fun to be around – 39 votes (8%)
The Disco King – 232 votes (47%)
Phat – 113 votes (23%)
He was puny, and Ah-nuld did crush him.
What would make the best Arnold Schwarzenegger campaign slogan?
“Come with me if you want fiscal responsibility.” – 97 votes (18%)
“Gray Davis is a too-mah!” – 150 votes (28%)
“Consider that a recall.” – 63 votes (12%)
“You are puny! I will crush you! I am Ah-nuld!” – 227 votes (42%)
Han Solo may have advanced technology, but a white shirt and a thin black vest isn’t going to stop a bullet.
Who would win in a fight between Indiana Jones and Han Solo?
Indiana Jones – 219 votes (43%)
Han Solo – 161 votes (32%)
It’s a tie – 125 votes (25%)
Neo may have super reflexes, but the “Lost another loan to Ditech!” guy has chubby thumbs.
Who would win a thumb-wrestling match between Neo and the “Lost another loan to Ditech!” guy?
Neo – 204 votes (47%)
The “Lost another loan to Ditech!” guy – 177 votes (41%)
It’s a tie – 55 votes (13%)
In Daredevil’s defense, with some training he’d make a great blind samurai.
Who would win in a fight between Zatoichi and Daredevil?
Zatoichi – 274 votes (73%)
Daredevil – 67 votes (18%)
It’s a tie – 33 votes (9%)
It’s good to be “the man”.
What’s the best part about being a Republican?
Yelling at poor people – 41 votes (7%)
Not caring about the environment – 51 votes (8%)
When people talk about how “the man” is keeping them down, you know they’re talking about you – 315 votes (50%)
Being a fat, rich, white man – 58 votes (9%)
Actually winning elections – 165 votes (26%)
Man, that would be a huge refrigerator, and we should stock it with beer.
What is the best solution for peace in Israel?
Kill all the Palestinians – 180 votes (31%)
Kill most the Palestinians – 104 votes (18%)
Take all the Palestinians bombs and put them high up on a refrigerator where the Palestinians can’t reach them – 226 votes (38%)
Relocate Israel to Wyoming; Israelis will be in constant, violent conflict with the citizens of Wyoming – 78 votes (13%)
Kill them all!!!
What is the best way to defeat terrorism?
By living our lives as normal – 6 votes (1%)
By attacking the root causes that breeds terrorism – 35 votes (6%)
By being more engaged in the world and better respecting the opinions of other countries – 12 votes (2%)
Kill all terrorists; if people complain about our harsh tactics, kill them too – 535 votes (91%)
I thought illegal cockfighting would have done better.
I sure love tax cuts, but one thing I love even more than tax cuts is…
…seeing evil countries bombed. – 283 votes (47%)
…love, sunshine, and Jesus. – 67 votes (11%)
…illegal cockfighting. – 62 votes (10%)
…more tax cuts. – 190 votes (32%)
Number one and number three Jesus has actually done, and number two has precedent, but Jesus would never be all arrogant as in number four.
What would Jesus do?
Tell you some allegory for you to completely overinterpret. – 124 votes (29%)
When you run out of snacks at the Super Bowl party, turn rice cakes into Doritos. – 108 votes (25%)
Get totally pissed and knock over tables. – 113 votes (26%)
Be totally like, “You can’t talk to me that way! I’m Jesus!” – 86 votes (20%)
A lot of people must have attractive neighbors’ wives.
The Ten Commandments monument at the Alabama Judicial Building has been moved. What do you think?
God will now plague us with locusts… unless He’s run out of those. Then it will be a plague of badgers. – 85 votes (16%)
Bah! Ten Commandments. I bet I could fit morality into five rules. Lazy God. – 49 votes (9%)
We shouldn’t put up with this. Time to put the “Bam!” back in Alabama. – 144 votes (27%)
As a follower of Satan and a member of the ACLU, I think this is a postive step towards the elimination… er… uh. seperation of church and state. – 51 votes (10%)
So I can go back to coveting my neighbor’s wife and it’s all cool now, right? – 200 votes (38%)
More polls to come, because your opinion matters.