Look at this nasty letter I got from someone named Emily:
You wouldn’t happen to be American would you? If so, go back making everyone in the world hate you. After all, it’s what you do best…besides bombing countries and killing thousands of innocent people. Oh yeah, you might want to think twice about the government you elect, they seem to be making you guys a bit unpopular with the rest of the world. But who needs popularity when you have all the blood money you need. You sack of monkey ass.
With that last line, she really knows how to make it hurt. Here is my response:
Dear Emily,
Actually, despite our best efforts, we can’t get everyone to hate us. Israel likes us and probably always will since we share the love of killing terrorists. Also, when the U.N. recently voted to condemn Israel, it was 144-4 for that measure, with the U.S., Israel, the Marshall Islands, and Micronesia voting against. So, apparently the Marshall Islands and Micronesia still like us, as apparently we can’t even find them to piss them off. Any ideas? And do you think if we piss off countries enough, they’ll refuse our foreign aid out of principal? I would like to use that money for more cruise missiles. I like cruise missiles because they fly and go boom.
Cordially,
Frank J.
I like ’em because they go whoosh, or zshrrrrr…like a puppy blender.
Do idiots like this ever answer your response? I’d love to see this…
That’s when I’ll know I’ve made the big-time, when I get hate mail.
Damn it, they aren’t supposed to hate us, they’re supposed to fear us! We need to recalibrate something or other.
shell, not at all. their hate is one of the indications that we’re doing the right thing 😉
I like how Frank deals with hate mail.
I want more hate mail so I can make fun of it 🙁
Getting a response like that likely left her speechless and stunned. 😀
I wouldn’t doubt those humorless sorts would take it dead seriously.
The Iraqis like us. Funny, isn’t it?
I’m with Shell on this one. Where are we screwing up on this fear thing? I think we’ve gone soft. Either that or we need a new PR guy.
Also, we get no credit for all the other things we’re relly good at, like wrecking the planet and tricking people into buying Big Macs.
Yep, it’s pathetic.
I mean, if we can’t even piss off a small country that nobody knows where is like Micronesia, how the Hell are we ever going to REALLY piss of the BIG guys?
I’ll see if I can’t find a Micronesian embassy and paint some really offensive graffiti on it. Something has to be done.
And it’s not as if we didn’t try really, REALLY hard to make the Marshall Islands hate us. After all those hydrogen bombs we detonated at Eniwetok and Bikini Atolls in the 50’s? Ingrates!
You may be a strange man, Frank J but damn you are funny.
Please let us know if this gets a response.
Someone should poke Australia’s Ambassador to the UN with a stick until he (she? it?) votes with the US on these things rather than abstaining.
Though at least our Prime Minister has publically said that if the choice comes to the U.S. or the U.N., the U.N. can take a long walk off a short pier.
Considering the hate that drips from “Emily’s” post, allow me to venture a guess as to why we’re “bombing countries and killing thousands of innocent people.”
In more normal times, we’ve been child abusers, but since a record number of American women are childless, we have to vent our pent up rage elsewhere. Sorry Emily.
Bring Miss Emily over to me. I will wrap her in a rug, bury her in the ground up to her shoulders, and stone her to death, all praise to the Prophets. Being a westerner, she is obviously committing adultery and selling pornography, and is a Christian or Jew, deserving such death.
Frank;
The Marshall Islands and Micronesia are free-associated States to the United States. Basically, they are our colonies. So it looks like a love affair between the U.S. and Israel.
The ‘fear vs hate’ thing can be easily solved I feel.
Three words: NUKE. THE. MOON.
Sack of monkey ass?!?!?
Them’s fighting words. Once you get the IP tracked, I say give the results to Buck and Chomps.
Make it a contest.
Lol…masterfully done Frank
MONKEY ASS, damn it i ordered monkey brains!!
Monkey Ass???? Has she ever seen one to evaluate or compare Frank to? Guess she’s using free verse…
Popularity is over-rated. So what if they hate us. They still cry like little girls when a monsoon/hurricane/typhoon comes calling and they need our food, tents, and med aid.
Yet, we are stupid enough to send it time and time and time and time again.
Yet, we are “unpopular” and have “all the blood money you need”. Either that or when the neighborhood ‘bully’ comes strolling across their borders and acting like an armed Jehova’s Witness. The UN sure don’t call on Lithuania, Somulia, or Tibet for troops…
I cannot wait until we get fusion power, fuel cells up and working, and are able to use our SDI to sheild our slice of heaven. The rest of our ‘so-called “friends” can take a flying leap…
I would truly love to serve the UN with an eviction order, referb the building, and, turn it into low-cost housing for the suffering Manhatten’ers…
I say Emmie, dear, go back to the ANSWER rally, pout, score some rightous herb, and enjoy yourself, because that is gonna be the only time in your life you’re ‘important’. Ta-ta and enjoy the Starbucks…
Give Peas a chance….
Gawd almighty, these ‘sensitive and caring’ eurotrash types are SO TIRESOME.
Here we are trying so hard to be un-ruthless to all those smelly idiotic fools who burn our flag and scream ‘DEATH TO AMERIKA!’ and all they can do is whine about how mean we are.
Geez, what’s she gonna do when some gaggle of heathen goat-chasers REALLY piss us off and we go and flatten some worthless pile of dirt cleverly disgused as a nation?
“You wouldn’t happen to be American would you?”
Naah, dummy, the “.us” in the address stands for Upper Slobovia….
What an idiot….
Don’t you love it when anonymous posters come here to call everybody a jerk? Now that’s a great example of having the courage of your convictions.
Good luck with the hate thing Captain.
TO: Frank J
RE: Wit vs. Ancedotes
Stop whining about BlackFive’s ancedotes.
BlackFive has had a life. That’s why he’s got ‘ancedotes’.
You?
You’ve got a ‘wit’. You’re still making your life. When you’ve made enough witticisms you’ll have ancedotes too.
Keep up the good work…
…we’re all excited.
Regards,
Chuck(le)
[Wit makes its own welcome, and levels all distinctions. No dignity, no learning, no force of character, can make any stand against good wit. — Ralph Waldo Emerson]
Captain America, Emily,
One word,
Chechnya
You get this worked up about that, I’ll at least say your not a hypocrite.
I don’t expect to say that.
Human Right Abuses will be more common in poor countries. We have given poor foreigners aid.
Beating your wife will be more common in poor families.
Poor families will get more money from the state in Europe. So by your reasoning, it completely obvious that the European welfare state leads to spousal abuse.
If you “could do some elementary reading,” you might know that the US only seriously began to arm Israel decades after its founding.
You might know its citizens commonly died in terrorist attacks well before any occupation after the 67 war. You might have heard that Golda Meir had already decided “the Jews are used to collective eulogies, but Israel will not die so that the world will speak well of it.”
Neither will the United States
Hello, I am a liberal and your website is very amusing. Shall keep reading. Senses of humor are wonderful things, even in the brains of my political opponents. 🙂
Emily, Cap’n Crunch, if we make everyone hate us here in the good ole US of A, will that make the millions of illegal immigrants stop flowing into our hateful country? Will the islamofascists stop killing innocent people? Will the palestinian freaks stop their wanton dismemberment and murder of people who have a different opinion? Will DPRK start feeding their starving cannibals? Will Iran’s mullahs become soft in the heart? Will Syria stop supporting the extremist assholes? Does Saudi Arabia stop spraying millions to their own personal terrorist to keep death and destruction out of their own domain? NO, they will not. To believe that all the worlds assholes can be blamed on American policy is moronic. Until the answer is yes, any and all who think America should roll over and play nice can have Scotty beam em up to the moon. NUKE THE MOON!
Let them hate, so long as they fear.
Captain Dipshit said:
“blah blah blah blah I hate America blah blah blah….”
Poor education system? Hmmmm, that must be why so many nations send their children to our colleges. (Hint: we have, by far, the best higher education system in the world).
Religious fundamentalism? Oh yeah, that prayer in school thing is really taking off. (Separation of church & state – we invented it).
Patriot indoctrination? Hell, the court says that we can’t even say the pledge of allegiance.
The United States gives more monetary aid than any other nation. If you throw in military aid we give more as a percentage of GDP than any other nation. The United States gives over HALF of the foreign food aid in the world. GM crops or no, your pathetic country doesn’t even come close.
The US has less than 5% of the world’s population but over 20% of the world’s economy. This isn’t because we are a bunch of overweight, uneducated slobs. It’s because we are smarter than you.
We didn’t cause the world’s problems (you only wish we did) and although we try, we shouldn’t be expected to fix the world’s problems.
The US has less than 5% of the world’s population but over 20% of the world’s economy. This isn’t because we are a bunch of overweight, uneducated slobs. It’s because we are smarter than you.
Actually, it’s because of a bunch of other factors which have very little to do with intelligence, such as the ability of Nike to procure child labour in foreign countries. It has nothing to do with your intelligence.
TO: Emmy
RE: Intelligence Test
“It has nothing to do with your intelligence.” — Emmy
Tell me that when you’ve landed on the moon.
Or better yet….
…Mars. [Note: We’ll likely be there in 10 years, now that the Chinese are re-igniting the space race.]
Regards,
Chuck(le)
You know, I was all set to disagree with Bilbo’s “We’re smarter than you” argument too, but Emmy – your response was just stupid.
Let see…
Multiple choices:
T or F
The “ability of Nike to procure child labour” is smart
The “ability of Nike to procure child labour” is dumb
The “ability of Nike to procure child labour” is definitely unethical – but if you are using it as an argument of smart vs. dumb, the obviously you are dumb.
So maybe Bilbo has a point…
Did Ben Franklin, George Washington, Tommy Jefferson, et al wear Nike Air Jordans?
they should have! TJ and GW had mad post up moves and could go to the hole hard!
TJ and GW did have mad post up moves, but they could hit you from the outside as well. The Prez most notable for going to the hole hard was……………. wait for it………….
Bill Clinton.
Thank you, thank you. I’ll be here all week.
Yo, if Emmy was so smart, the silly boob would know how to spell LABOR. Anyways, don’t the “child laborers” get paid for their toils? I don’t hear them complaining. They could save up enough to buy a BigMac in only three years…
Sounds like progress to me.
Emmykins,
You are a British bimbo with no sense of oral hygeiene. I was a child laborer, went and bought a really nice guitar, and played Rock & Roll. If you had your way, you would have stopped me from working as a child, made me go on heroin, and have to go on methadone and welfare before I could get my Rock & Roll guitar, standing in a queu because your economy can’t support an inventory of good Fender Strats, you commie.
You are in America now. Spell American. “Labor…all that is missing is U!”. Do you poofter Brits still put quarters in your gas heaters in your house because you haven’t figured out how to send a monthly bill? I have so much freaking natural gas available I turn my heater up real high, go around the house in shorts and a T-shirt in the dead of winter, and commonly forget to shut the back door.
You think your so smart and all, but at least I know better than to hitch up with some freaking Nazi or Frenchman for political reasons or for pastry or killing off Jews like you do.
The only reason the good old USA doesn’t blow you off the face of the map with all the other Eurotrash is because Tony Blair is a better American than many over this side of the scum pond. Even if your not British, the same goes anyways, little commie girlie.
America Rocks & Rules!!!
PS
Hey, Bildo, are we, like, related?
Emmy, DAH-ling: Hate to break it to you, but we have no interest in electing a government that might “make us popular with the rest of the world”. Europeans do that, and look at them. Instead, we try to elect a government that will DO RIGHT BY AMERICANS. When the rest of the world wants to have a say in who we choose to lead us, it can get a green card and work for citizenship and the right to vote in our elections. The only other way would be attempted forcible coercion… need I actually mention that there not only isn’t a SINGLE nation that could do that, there isn’t ANY COMBINATION of nations that could do that. One of the nice things about being American, that is.
Bilbus:
Not unless you’re a 37 year old blond woman with three kids. 😉
Keep the day job, Emily. Social worker, what?
David wrote: “When the rest of the world wants to have a say in who we choose to lead us, it can get a green card and work for citizenship and the right to vote in our elections.”
Shut up, shut UP! You’re giving away the game! Do you really want a bunch of smelly EUrocrats (or worse) moving here, becoming citizens, and electing our leaders?
Sean: Well… as the descendant of a European who did just that in 1914, your answer would have to be a YES. Remember, in a generation they aren’t Europeans any more- they’re oppressing capitalist warmongers.
In truth, I think that non-Americans should be deprived of American services. If we are so horrible and evil, and if our money is “blood money”, then they would be better off with out it. That means no more allowance from “Daddy”.
If you’ll notice the other nations regard the U.S. as they would thier father. We do have the longest lived constitution in the world you know. They say “I hate you Daddy and so does every other country”! The U.N. won’t be a bother any more; HOORAY!!!!! Well, as a citizen of the FATHER OF THE NATIONS, I say bad kids! No more cookies for you!
If we leave the rest of the world to it’s own responsibility, they will perish. We and the Israeli’s are the only responsible nations on the earth. Europe is a perfect example of our superiority. They want to be like Daddy, so they start the E.U. I’ve got news for you! Daddy’s bigger and badder than you! Yes, children will test thier parents and no, America doesn’t believe that smackin’ ass is “harmful to the child”. In fact, we encourage it. For a while, we let the Demoncrats dictate our war policies, but THE AMERICANS ARE BACK IN OFFICE SHIT PIG!
I tell the French, get a bath! To the Germans, clean your room(to many terrorist in there). To the Arabs, do your homework dumb shit! To the Africans, play nice, no more cutting tits off the Christians or you’re next. And to the rest of you, EAT THE SHIT CURDS FROM MY AMERICAN ASS! To Israel, we’re not your Father, God is. If you’re kickin’ ass, give ’em one for me.
I shit on you liberal hippy wanna be Americans.
Bildo,
Amazingly enough, I am 37 years old, blond, with three kids. Now, here’s the part some people find it hard to believe. I am a lesbian woman trapped inside a man’s body. I’m working on my wife now, to get her to admit to her homosexuality (homo man inside woman’s body) but, being the good Catholic that she is, she refuses to go along with this new found freedom.
I AGREE WITH EMILY…HELL YEAH… ONE MORE TIME, HELL YEAH… What an asshole that Frank character is! I study in the U.S not by choice, but I am taking full advantage of it, although I dont like most americans who think they are so good to all people around the world, that they sacrifice to save innocents… what a bunch of HORSE SHIT!!! Grow up Frank, what a dumb ass comment saying that he wants more cruise missiles because they go BOOM.. What type of nerd are you??? only nerds talk like that and think about stupid comments like that… He must be one of those american nerds that go to the premieres of star wars… dressed like super nerds…. HAHAHHA nerds suck big time!!!
AMERIKA SUCKS…! We all know that c’mon…
Yes I know my enemies
They’re the teachers who taught me to fight me
Compromise, conformity, assimilation, submission
Ignorance, hypocrisy, brutality, the elite
All of which are American dreams! (rge)
Yes I know my enemies
They’re the teachers who taught me to fight me
Compromise, conformity, assimilation, submission
Ignorance, hypocrisy, brutality, the elite
All of which are American dreams (rge)
AMERICA IS FASCISM DRESSED AS DEMOCRACY
THE VEIL OF PERCEPTION
all you people do is go in and kill thousands of innocents… you do not help at all… When you people go in, it is because of personal interest, nothing more… All the hate that amercia has gained is because of yall coming in where your not wanted or not asked for… The more you people do this types of things, the more hate your gonna gather…Its simple… And why do yall think your so great and so everything? your country has the most wierdos on EARTH! you dont listen in any other country horrible things like childern carrying guns to school and shooting everyone around them… or serial rapists or killers on the loose, or the f***ing KKK!! what is that all about? I tell you, yall have some screwed up people…
We’all so screwed up, we’all gonna screw yall eyes outta yall head and use them for skeet shootin’ practice. We’all kill you commies. We’all kill you Jew haters. Yall no innocents, yall socialist sustainable growth white man guilt propaganda yall. We’all got so much money and guns we kill all but us all, you stoopid fudpuckers. Hooray for USA! JESUS RULES, BUSH IS HIS GOOD BUDDY, RUMMY IS HIS STEPCHILD!!!
TO: rge et al
RE: Hell…
…is empty and all the devils are HERE!
Enjoy,
Chuck(le)
“you dont listen in any other country horrible things like childern carrying guns to school and shooting everyone around them”
You mean like this?
Palestinian Child Abuse
“And why do yall think your so great and so everything?”
If I ever start doubting whether the United States is better than any other nation in the history of the Earth, then I will go back and read your post. Reading that other countries produce idiots like you will make me feel better about the United States every time.
“or serial rapists or killers on the loose, or the f***ing KKK!! what is that all about? I tell you, yall have some screwed up people…”
Yeah well, do you behead women for showing too much ankle? Do you let rapists walk free while punishing the victim? You want to call us freaks?! Read your own history dumbass.
Hell, we don’t even come in first place when it comes to serial killers; that would be Britain with Russia coming in a close second.
We also cut women’s feet off at the ankle for showing too much head. It is not rape to sex on the infidel or a woman who makes us lust by the way she shakes her burka, it is Islamic just, all praise to the prophets.
American Poo
The other day I ate a huge 100% american beef
sirloin tip t-bone steak. The meat was excellent in and of itself but the true merits of the meal presented itself a few hours later. I went into the bathroom and took a 100% all-american shit. I dutifully and patriotically wiped my ass and was just about to throw the paper into the can when I noticed the terd which I’d produced just floating there. I can’t fully describe the feeling I got when I laid my eyes on that noble shit. It had a beauty and richness which I had never thought possible, it’s sturdy economic base and jagged peaks like the colorado rockies were something like poetry, rich and fertile. For the first time in my life I understood what the Okalahoma farmer must feel like when he looks over his field of shimmering wheat, or what the intrepid texas oil baron must feel like when he strikes oil where a school was once built. Needless to say I knew that this terd was somehow special. Among all the other terds on the face of this planet mine was best. So I took it out of the can and put it on a pedastal over my fire place. Sure people give me alot of flak for loving this terd so much but it doesn’t bother me, they’re all just jealous cause their terds aren’t nearly as good as mine. And I’m damn well willing to fight for the honor and pride of my all-american poo.
Emily –
Yes, America sucks big time. Mostly because we have a lot of people who stand on the sidelines and criticize, but have no ideas themselves.
I will only say one word to you. It will make you weep. You will fall on the ground and pound your tiny, little fists in fury at the word.
I won’t mention the bad America again. The American that:
Brought you the electric light bulb.
Brought you motion pictures.
Brought you the airplane.
Saved Europe’s butt in WWI
Saved Europe’s butt in WWII
Rebuilt Europe through the Marshall plan.
Rebuilt Japan
Brought you better agriculture.
Brought you penicillin.
Brought you polio vaccine.
Is the only county to send a person to the moon.
No, I will not continue to ennumerate our evils, as I am sure you have your own quite detailed list of badness.
I will only say one word. It is a word that no other country can utter as they have not the technology nor the inventiveness.
It is a word that will soon make you sick with envy…
The word is “Twinkies.”
And, you can’t have any more because you’ve been a bad girl.
Yes I know my enemies
They’re the teachers who taught me to fight me
Compromise, conformity, assimilation, submission
Ignorance, hypocrisy, brutality, the elite
All of which are American dreams (rge)
“Yes I know my enemies
They’re the teachers who taught me to fight me
Compromise, conformity, assimilation, submission
Ignorance, hypocrisy, brutality, the elite
All of which are American dreams (rge)”
DrWango would never post such a piece of insipid drivel. DrWango would urge the anonymous poster who has co-opted DrWango’s fine name, to engage in reality therapy as soon as possible.
whenever I read something of this Web I learn some thing…
Posted by: messenger 6.1 on January 15, 2004 06:45 PM
Interesting reading. I enjoyed this entry.
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all americans are Nazis and can bite my ass