As we all know, Gray Davis set California on fire in vengeance for people recalling him. It could happen again, and thus I set my crack research team to find out all they can about brush fires so people can be more prepared in the future.
FUN FACTS ABOUT BRUSH FIRES
* Brush fires are caused by the combination of brush and fire.
* The conspiracy between brush and fire started when both became dissatisfied with the government in the 60’s.
* If the conspiracy of brush and fire joined with the Zionist conspiracy, then we’d all be screwed.
* I just saw Matrix Revolutions last night. Do you think when anything goes wrong in the machine city, they blame it on a Zionist conspiracy?
* A brush fire has two main modes of attack: burning using its fire and suffocating using its smoke. It also has a special attack, but first needs to power up.
* To avoid brush fires reaching your home, dispose of all your brush by tossing it over the fence into your neighbor’s yard.
* If there is a brush fire, you may see panicked animals flee the forest. Stay and fight, you pansy-ass animals!
* If a brush fire is coming towards your house, lock your doors. Fires can’t operate locks.
* If you run into a brush fire, don’t panic; it’s more scared of you than you are of it.
* There is no reason to have lots of brush congregated in one area. Brush should be destroyed… just not by fire.
* If you wake up and find your room on fire, that’s a house fire – not a brush fire. Those are common, so don’t worry about it.
* A brush fire can be identified by its strong, smoky smell. If you see a large fire coming your way, see if it has a smoky smell.
* Since fire needs oxygen, a good place to store your brush is on the moon.
* Much like the Wicked Witch of the West, a brushfire can be killed by water.
* Water can also kill the aliens from Signs.
* I’m sorry if you haven’t seen that movie yet and I ruined it, but someone ruined The Sixth Sense for me and I’m still bitter.
* I don’t know if dropping a house on a brush fire would kill it just like it did the Wicked Witch of East, but it’s worth a shot.
* That probably would also kill one of the aliens from Signs.
* In a fight between Aquaman and a brushfire, Aquaman would only be able to be identified afterwards by his dental records. If only Aquaman actually had some Aquapowers.
* A giant brush fire can be an awe inspiring site to watch, but it can be canceled in case of rain and replaced with a movie.
* You can’t kung fu fight a brushfire. Then again, I’ve never tried it.
* I once set a hairbrush on fire. It like totally melted! It was so cool!
* Having caught the 10:15 showing of Matrix Revolutions last night, I am very sleepy right now. Hopefully some conniving brush fire won’t use that to its advantage.