Rich Lowry never got back to me about writing a column to prove I should replace Jonah Goldberg (though, if Jonah asks you, tell him that Lowry and I are in heated discussions about what my salary should be when I replace him). I was thinking maybe I should go ahead and write the column to prove how great I am and submit it; the only problem is I don’t know what to write about. I need a topic that’s topical… but not too topical (because I don’t want to have to write it right away since I’m lazy and tired). I’ll submit it to NRO, and then everyone can e-mail Lowry asking, “Where are columns by Frank J.? We want columns by Frank J.!”
And he’ll be like, “Oh no! We need a column by Frank J. to remain ‘hip’ and ‘with it’.”
And then he’ll see that in the submissions box is a column by Frank J., and he will rejoice.
It’s an idea fiendish in its intricacies. Any idea what I should write about? Heaven forbid that NRO doesn’t use it, I’ll just post it here.
Frank,
How about one on the disastrous new Presciption Drug care bill. Gives you an opportunity to wax eloquent on the “Gimme mine” attitude of some seniors. And it’s not like there is not a substantial senior population in Florida (granted that is the third rail of Florida politics).
You strike a double blow by mining the sort of shtick that Dave Barry does.
Good luck.
I think that an expansion of your “fun facts about …” would make a great column on a variety of topics. A nice “fun facts about John Kerry” would be pretty good material …
Aquatic vampires? alien ninjas? deep sea oil drilling?
my mom got all freaked out about me being on happy pills with all the news stories about them making you suicidal. she even emailed and said that i should worry if i start feeling that way (thanks for the heads-up, mom). i like bill’s idea, how about a fun facts about happy pills?
Be sure to see the movie about John Kerry during Vietnam!
http://www.StopJohn.com
I think that you may be on to something Sarah. that or maybe a fun facts about lawsuits and fast food?
Well, if you want to write something that stays “fresh” over time, you have to write about some problem that will never go away, like the Israel/Palestinian problem.
Or you could just write about evil monkeys.
yeah, or maybe fun facts about evil people suing suicidal monkeys who are sad about happy meals.
wow. i think i’m on too many meds.
write about yassin getting blown up
Write about how ninja monkeys have secretly become the president’s body guards, and are waiting from the word from Iran to kill him. (sorry, read too many tom clancy novels)
If you aren’t going to write about the Evils of Chicago, you may want to write about unemployment.
Despite constant whining about high unemployment, the unemployment numbers are currently at our typical average for America.
There is some concern about the rise in fuel costs because that means the Producer Price Index will probably go up. That usually suggests that unemployment will be going up if we don’t fix the fuel thing soon.
Of course, the Chicago thing is more critical.
Write about writers themselves. There is nothing that journalists love more than self-gratification. Whether it comes in the form of a by-line or another writer’s article the love patting themselves on the back. And with the recent flop of Blair’s book and the whole Kelley situation at USAToday you are sure to relevant as well as self serving in your quest to garner a position.
Cheers!
jim
Or there is always the possibilty of how John Kerry is a flip flopping doofus who should have stayed in Massachusets with Dukakis. That could work too.
Write about your adventures with the Demoncratic Underground.
Or, write another In My World ™ and submit that. Those are great (and you could put it on IMAO too 🙂
But don’t give the NRO too much, they should pay for the stuff!
Do NOT write about William Saffire.
Do write about the politicalization of the web by bloggers: contrast LGF with the DU.
No no nooo…write about John Kerry having served in Vietnam.
People just can’t get enough of that.
john kerry served in vietnam? i hadn’t heard that.
vietnam? First I have heard of it, I thought he was some sorta communist that protested vietnam. I mean you can’t do both now can you?
Presentation is key. Read their submission requirements, make sure your word count is correct. Open with a short summary of the article.Then present your credentials, include your phone number and address and website. Copy the article with your prefered tagline at the end. Then list your “works cited” including title, date and internet access address of every item referenced.
Wasn’t Vietnam a movie? Some cool shit happened there. Like Platoon. Or Apocalypse Now. And don’t forget, Operation Dumbo Drop.
Talk about how the US should slip Israel’s leash and how this will teach the arabs that if they used the measures of Ghandi they would have already had a PA state instead of following that toad Arafat and his bed buddies Hamas and Hezbullah.
Talk about how the US should slip Israel’s leash and how this will teach the arabs that if they used the measures of Ghandi they would have already had a PA state instead of following that toad Arafat and his bed buddies Hamas and Hezbullah.
“Outsourcing” seems a topical but too topical topic that will likely remain so for the next couple of weeks.
Write about how your blog doesn’t have its very own personal fan blog. Mwa ha ha.
Or, about how Goldberg should be fired because he is a Joooooooooo! That’ll go over well.
Let’s see if your Aquaman references can out-do the anthropomorphic couch.
I think an essay on snow skiing etiquette amongst the elite class would currently be appropo. Don’t forget to mention what a shitheel one of the current presidential candidates seems to be.
It’s a good thing that the shitheel wasn’t skiing in Texas. Mostly because we have no snow or mountains to speak of, but also because the Secret Service officer who was referred to as a “son of a bitch” by said shitheel would have been justified in unloading his semi-auto into the shitheel. Texas grand juries routinely nobill those types of cases, especially if the alledged victim is from back east.