Some jokesters have put me on a number of left-wing mailing lists (as a progressive, environmentalist lesbian, why I am I so concerned about keeping my abortion rights?), and I’ve never bothered to unsubscribe because it gives me free material. Today, I got an e-mail from the official John Kerry for President website with an attempt at humor. Take a look-see:
Subject: April Fools! Bush Tries to Outsource the Deficit
Bush Tries To Outsource the Deficit
April 1, 2004
Washington, DC — The White House announced today that President Bush will be sending legislation to Congress to outsource the deficit.
“Outsourcing is the solution to all of America’s problems,” said President Bush. “If it worked for Andersen and McKinsey, it works for me.”
Bush’s announcement is a dramatic extension of the Administration’s growing support for offshore outsourcing, an increasing trend that has moved hundreds of thousands of jobs in manufacturing and service sectors from the U.S. to lower wage countries.
* In December, the Commerce Department hosted workshops at the 2003 Economic and Trade Conference to train American companies in outsourcing and to specifically encourage the exportation of jobs to China.
* In February, the President’s Chief Economic Advisor said the “movement of U.S. factory jobs and white-collar work to other countries [is a] positive transformation.”
* On an official trip to India in March, Secretary of State Colin Powell promised that the Administration would continue to support the outsourcing of American jobs.
Bush also explained why the world must take responsibility for America’s deficit. “Why should every kid born in America be stuck with $35,000 in debt — when we can just outsource it and stick it to every kid on the planet?”
President Bush also indicated that outsourcing the deficit could help support multilateral cooperation in the war on terror. “And make sure that other countries pick up the tab for the war on terror — that’s multilateral cooperation for ya’!”
President Bush’s new plan flies in the face of Democrats’ criticisms that providing economic incentives for companies to outsource risks America’s prospects for economic recovery.
John Kerry, the Democratic candidate for president, responded strongly to Bush’s proposal: “Five years, not four, at Andover, and then Yale and Harvard and he still can’t balance the budget? Pigs will have wings before this plan passes the Congress. Come November, let’s outsource George W. Bush instead.”
April Fools! [Ed. Note: This is in really big letters]
These are not actual Bush quotes. Like Bush’s economic plan, this email is just a joke.
George W. Bush takes the American people for fools. Let’s show him we know better — send this email to five friends now.
And don’t forget the best way to show the Republicans we mean business: give $25 now.
https://contribute.johnkerry.com
Thanks for your support,
John Kerry for President
First thing, notice how it makes clear it’s an April Fools joke in both the subject line and in big letters at the end. Also, the whole thing is just regular anti-Bush disatribe with a few half-hearted attempts at jokes thrown in just so they can say it’s an April Fools theme. That all together makes me think that they assume the Democrat base this will appeal to is nigh-retarded and humorless.
Hell, I guess it might be an effective e-mailing.
FIRST! and death to Yoda
That was actually physically painful to read. I felt embarrassed for the author. At least “Those WMD gotta be around here somewhere” is a little edgy, if not particularly funny. This is just crap. My grandmother can write better humor pieces than that, and she’s dead.
But. We all know, somewhere on DU, this piece is being hailed as a masterpiece of contemporary political wit. These people must be stopped.
Like you, they have to know their audience.
655321, not only have you pooped your pants, your disrespect for the galaxy’s most powerful Jedi Master is disturbing.
I know that I’m a knuckle dragging conservative with undevolped frontal lobes, but was there a joke in the someplace in there?
Looking under desk. No joke there.
Looking behind the blinds. No joke there.
Moving the couch. No joke there.
Under the table maybe? No joke there.
Stands in the middle of the room and scratches head. I know that joke has got be somewhere.
Oh, I get it, the Left is at another painful attempt at satire. The joke is, is that there is no joke.
Stands in the middle of room scratching my head wondering why I even try to use logic.
This email is as uncomfortably unfunny as watching some oldster try to be “hip” and “with it” on an MTV Rock the Vote special. Oh yeah, Kerry did that, too.
I have seen some unfunny April Fool’s Day jokes, but that is one of the worst.
I liked yours much better. You almost had me thinking you meant it, until I remembered the date halfway through.
I think Kerry’s medicine for his prostate problem are making him woozy. (google to see Kerry’s prostate was removed last year) By the way if your prostate is removed, doesn’t that make you impotent? Great president we will have. The French have loverboy Chirac for president and we’ll have a Eunuch.
Here’s another unfunny April Fool’s joke from another liberal group–Planned Parenthood:
http://www.saveroe.com/whitehouse/
Bitter people.
It
s a fund raising pitch. $25? Thats it?Click my name and do a search by location of political donations in your area to political candidates.
In my area the various Dims get get from 10 to 20 straight donations varying from $5 to $500 then BAM!!! 5 to 10 people will donate $3000 to $5000 to Bush. The pattern seems to repeat.
It reminds me of a chain letter “send this email to five friends now.”
Correct me if I am wrong but aren’t chain letters illeagle?
Hey…I can be a Democrat too! Observe:
April Fools!
Bush is teh st00pid.
APRIL FOOLS!!!
My favorite part:
“Let’s show him we know better — send this email to five friends now.”
— Democrats, the ultimate chain mail believers. Send this to five of your friends, then turn around in a circle 8 times, chant the name of the boy you like and then in 10 days you’ll get lots of money! But if you don’t you’ll be doomed bad luck forever!
(read that last part in a deep, uber scary voice)
There’s a fine line between parody and childish spite. Frank J manages to keep in the parody zone, even with politicians he doesn’t like. This sad attempt at an April Fool’s joke… is just childish and rather spiteful.
Kerry Has Plan to Fund his Policies Without Raising Taxes
Senator John Kerry outlined his plan today to fund his high cost policies without raising taxes.
“Americans, except for Benedict Arnold CEOs, should all enjoy the privilege of waiting in long lines for free but poor-quality healthcare and welfare checks.” Kerry stated. “But why should the common man pay for it? This year, Benedict Arnold Fortune 500 companies brought in over 1 trillion dollars in New York. If we can tax them at 100%, as well as all those other job-outsourcing Benedict Arnold companies, we will have the money to pay for my 1.7 trillion dollar spending plan.”
When asked if the Heinz ketchup company, who has outsourced jobs, would be taxed at this rate, Kerry stated that he would tax them, but after a moment’s thought he changed his mind.
Oh yeah, and April Fools
See, that’s the point. Democrats have no sense of humor. To them, this is probably the funniest thing they’d bother with.
In other news today Hilary clinton backs John Kerry’s plan to raise Gas taxes 50 cents. When John Kerry was asked about this, he stated “i have no comment i never suggested this, Hillary Clinton has stepped too far.”
Later that evening in a press conference
John-“i would like to introduce my biggest supporter Hilary Clinton (which one of us are the anti-christ…well the antichrist couldn’t be french so it must be hilary.) We will raise taxes 50 cents on gas per gallon in our evil plot to…ahem i mean to help with the um economy yeah.
reporter-but you said today that you never introdued such a plan
John kerry-i never said such a thing
reporter-plays back tape “”i have no comment i never suggested this, Hillary Clinton has stepped too far.””
John Kerry- you didn’t say per gallon duh
The ultimate Dem April Fools joke would be Kerry takeing a stand on something, then not backing off of it a few hours later.
Actually, outsourcing a national deficit has a long and honorable history.
It’s called “pillage”…
This email is the same reason why “Air America” (liberal talk radio) won’t work. Democrats have no sense of humor, well maybe just a REALLY lame sense of humor. Al Franken is not funny, I watched SNL quite a few times (shoot, did I just admit that?) when he was still writing for the show, and it just wasn’t funny. I thought I just didn’t get the jokes, but then I thought about all the times I had laughed at funny things, and said to myself, “Self, SNL just ain’t funny”. Want’s the worst thing for a comedian to be? Yep, not funny.
There was a joke in there:
“John Kerry, the Democratic candidate for president, …”
Actually, I don’t recall being “officially annointed”, as the conference hasn’t convened and named him as such. So – technically – that note has a lie in it too.
Ever notice how art only flourishes in capitalistic countries? And yet most artists are socialists. Guess the same goes for jokes.