Barney, President Bush’s little Scotty dog, scampered across the floor of the White House, pushing a ball with his nose. Eventually, his ball rolled to the feet of another dog, a large rottweiler who seized the ball and swallowed it.
“Yipe! Yipe!” Barney said in protest.
This seemed to make the rottweiler angry.
Very angry.
President Bush sat at his desk in the Oval Office and started to get a little bored. “Barney! Come here boy!” he called out to get a little distraction.
There was no response.
“Come here, Barney!” Bush tried again, “Where are you, boy?”
He soon heard footsteps coming his way. Entering the Oval Office was little Barney.
“There you are,” Bush said.
“Yipe! Yipe!” Barney answered.
Bush saw something peculiar on Barney and slowly approached him. “What’s that on your mouth? Is it… blood?”
“Yipe! Yipe!” Barney said as Bush looked out in the hallway. Bush quickly turned away from the scene.
“You ripped out Chomps’s throat!” Bush yelled at Barney, “Bad dog!”
“Yipe! Yipe!” Barney said in his defense as he wagged his tail.
“Mr. President, I have a matter to discuss with you,” Rumsfeld said as he walked down the hallway, “It’s about… Oh Dear Lord!” Rumsfeld knelt before Chomps. “What happened to my beautiful dog?”
“Apparently he did something that made Barney angry,” Bush said, “I’m sorry.”
Hearing the commotion, Laura Bush, Condi, Cheney, and Scott McClellan came running. All gasped at what they saw.
“How could such a thing happen?” Rumsfeld sobbed.
“Somehow, I get the feeling this could have been avoided if more people had clicked on the ads of some website and bought its t-shirts,” Bush pondered aloud, “but it’s too late now. Nothing can bring Chomps back.”
“Yipe! Yipe!” Barney said in agreement and then pushed a little ball across the hallway with his nose.
“This is it for me,” Rumsfeld said, “I just can’t be an angry warmonger anymore.”
“It puts everything in perspective,” Bush stated, “I don’t think I like all this warring either. I don’t even want to be president again. I think it’s time to finally pursue my dream.”
“Become a fry cook?” Laura asked.
“Exactly.”
“I guess I never really liked war myself,” Rumsfeld said, wiping away his tears, “What I really want to do is teach basketball to inner-city youths.”
“I’m tired of being a shill for Halliburton,” Cheney announced, “I’m going back to my old job: strip-club DJ.”
“And I don’t think I’ve been militant enough,” Condi stated, “So I’m going to join the new Black Panthers.”
“And I guess you’ll be a librarian again,” Bush said to his wife.
“Actually, supervillian,” Laura answered, “I already had one run-in with Batman, and I think I learned enough from it to defeat him next time.”
“Good for you, honey,” Bush told her, and then looked to Scott. “You’re always so quiet and mysterious; what are your plans?”
“I’m going to be an undercover cop who doesn’t play by the rules,” Scott stated.
“Sounds about right,” Bush said, and everyone nodded in agreement. “I think we all learned a lot about ourselves today,” Bush continued, “I’m just sorry it took the death of Chomps to make it happen. Now, let’s throw his body in the dumpster out back and then have a group hug.”
There was little left to say, but Barney said it anyway. “Yipe! Yipe!”
wow … maybe I should have bought a t-shirt. I have dishonored myself and must now swallow a frisbee whole.
btw – where was the highlight montage with “Good Riddance” playing in the background?
4 – 1
Thank God
Someone slipped Kryponite into that new logo. Frank’s acting strange.
Pentin just emailed me. He’s having a get together with the coalition before the next email to Jackass. He’s got some great ideas. Pentin is an absolute genius!
Short, sweet and damn funny. Three cheers for Frank J.!
Frank, you could not do that. How did you dare to kill Chomps ? You must reanimate it, bring Chomps to the hospital, put Chomps under help oxygen and repair it. It is as if you kill a teddy bear, how can you say that IMAO is a family site when you dare to do this ???!!!!! ? !
I had my dog shot by a gun, it had 42 bullets in the body and we saved it. You must save Chomps as you would do to save flipper the dolphin. If you don’t, you’re not a man.
You’re a sissy killer.
Everyone, raise here to stop Frank !!!
Frank you Evil Bastard! I guess I’ll just have to go back to DemocratUnderpants now to see humor and anger at the same time. I can’t believe you did this.
D’Oh……Happy April 1st Everybody…..I just looked at my calendar!
Tony is going to write back.
Frank wakes up…and there’s Chomps in the shower!!! (or is everybody else too young to remember “Dallas”?)
I’ve seen his leates email – it’s excellent.
Sorry I was writing too fast there. I realised that I spelt a word wrong.
I pooped my pants! Arrr!
And I have an undying love for Susie, enough to make me give up my piratey ways.
The Limey writing something genius? Now that would be an April Fools joke.
You know, Frank, MT has a nice “ban IP” feature which will take care of your infestation without use of pesticides or other dangerous chemicals. Or you could just make Johnny Depp declare his undying love and adoration for me….
nooooo, not chomps the worlds angriest dog! You’re dead to me Frank
Editing e-mails is wrong, Susie, and I would never do it.
Please, please, please Frank, let this be an April Fool’s joke! Rummy IS the angry warmonger, it’s in his blood! He would NEVER do this! Arghhhhh, it’s going to be a long day!
excellent april fool’s joke, frank. we all know cheney couldn’t be a strip-club DJ. his heart couldn’t take it.
Sarahk, actually, his heart could may be no long take it because he already has taken too much !
When I read about Chomps, the first thought in my head was the zombie dogs from that Resident Evil movie.
Frank, you sick beast-turd, you should just consider yourself lucky that it’s April Fool’s Day. HOWEVER, if Chomps is still dead in the next installment, THERE WILL BE PUNISHMENT, and trust me, it will hurt you more than it hurts me.
On the other hand, this leaves the perfect opening for an evil cat to step in and help Condi and Rumsfeld plot to take over the world. Dogs are doers; cats are thinkers.
I think the Limey has taken over Frank’s mind. This is a sad day for America.
Worst IMW ever!
I figured it was just a ‘buy my T-shirt’ gag, until I read comments about 1 April. I’d forgotten the signifigance of the date.
Don’t ban Tony’s IP….his comments always remind me that liberals are really dumb 🙂
Poor Chomps, RIP, this is the worst 1 APR EVER! Sniffle, I think I have to go buy more kleenex, so I won’t have any money to spend on t-shirts.
Laura as supervillan. This evil side of Laura has been hinted at previously. Frank, this is a rich vein to mine as a secret subplot to IMW. I too panicked until my PDA reminded me of the date.
Just click your heels and repeat, “there’s no place like home; there’s no place like home” and you will awake and IMW will be right.
I think the best music to listen to while reading this is the end credits music from the Hulk t.v. show….sniff sniff….
Funny one, Frank….and a happy April Fool’s day to you….
Frank is just foolin’ us. Right Frank? I mean, heck, if he was to actually kill off Chomps then I would never purchase a shirt, ever, and I would also do all I could to eat up as much bandwidth as possible costing him lots and lots of $$$. We’re lucky Frank is smart and this isn’t real. Right Frank? RIGHT!?
It amazes me how many people have posted comments here without checking their calendars.
Susie beat me to the ‘shower’ line….
But what the hey!? I clicked on the ads! So I haven’t bought a T-shirt – I’m having a rough year! OKAY???
ARGH!!!!
Happy April fools day….
I’m so sorry that I didn’t buy a shirt, Frank. I’m going right now to DemocraticUnderground to buy one.
Chomps, your death wasn’t in vain…
This had better be another one of Scott’s bad dreams.
Though I do like the idea of Laura Bush being a supervillian.
Crap! You almost had me!! I’m watching my back today! I hate April Fools!
But that was funny. Check this out:
http://file.sugarqube.com/Cards/jblo_TheWormGame.swf?PL=L400x300
Way to go Shinji. ~applause~ Yay, good job. ~more applause~
Frank,
As I was reading, I was overcome by a vision of Laura Bush in a Cat Woman suit. Mmmmm…That’s April Coolness….
Yeah, i thought Laura would go back on the demolition derby circuit. Those armored Yukons would probably kick ass in the derby.
Crap. No more chomps and I was on my way to order that ne IMAO t-shirt. Oh-well, I guess I can go get one of those other nifty t-shirts. Maybe the O-franken factor has a t-shirt for sale. I just don’t feel like being a warmongering conservative anymore. Maybe Michael Moore is right…. err uhm left?? after all.
sorry, just trying to get into the April fools spirit..
VIVA LA CHOMPS!!!! Scottys are not really dogs anyway. they are part of the rodent family aren’t they????
“4 – 1”
Frank, you suck.
My ass is outa here and it ain’t comin’ back until Chomps is alive and killin’, Rumsfeld pistol whips somebody, and Scott gets called a douchebag.
You had me going there Frank…clever April Fool’s IMW. It was nice to see Barney in action; I’m sure he’s lonely since Spots passed on.
…you have no soul Frank. Chomps should never be a delivery vehicle for April fools! Anyway, I still laughed my arse off!
Chomps dead! Rummy gone soft! It is all too much for me to take.
The most disappointing part of the whole thing was the title. When I saw the name “Barney” I was kind of hoping that damned Purple dinosaur would finally meet a horrible end.
Man, was I ever heartbroken.
Is there a Chomps shirt I don’t know about?
tears of sadness and regret. oh that i had bought the shirt. I love it and looked forward greatly to wearing it to my sister the french teachers house. however…buying it now kinda seems like locking the door after all that is good and holey has been ripped savagely from ones home already…what is the point…
Therefore i await with hope the glorious morning of april the second when i awake to find this but a dream.
Please…
I promise to buy…really i do
adam
AMW,
If there is, then I need to sue somebody.
Yes there is a Chomps shirt. There are two Chomps shirts actually.
Well… instead of being stupid, I have created a Smarties for ever shirt. You should all buy it now.
🙂
Okay, you got me. I rushed over to Those-Damn- Shirts and bought one, happy now?
Now let’s all pretend this never happened.
And Happy New Year to you too. Oh wait, I was looking at my Julian calender… where’s that Gregorian calender… oh here it is; happy April Foo’s!
Despite the fact that this was a joke (though it seems like there are a lot of people who’re posting without realizing that), I think it’d be pretty cool if Barney actually turned out to be more badass than Chomps. Or, if not quite as badass, just as murderous…they could do great things together.
Ovlord, you are exhausted because if you look at this, you’ll see how devastating Barney can be.
Wake up Dorothy.
I recommend ignoring the “Amphitryon” bitch. She’s just a troll looking for attention.
See here:
http://www.nicedoggie.net/mt/mt-comments.cgi?entry_id=3997
Frank:
Vurry Fun April Foo joke. But too easily spotted, there is no way that crappy little dog could push a ball around with his nose. And Chomps would have eaten the damn dog, then had the ball for dessert.
Anonymous, I could be a troll, I could be a bitch, I could even be your mother, but I have not posted on Emperor Misha’s link you are referring to.
You know what, I think that the best job for a woman is to be a doctor in the army. Think of all those nice butts into which you can pin your Aspro, having directly contact with the best muscles and smack it with the needles, more over being paid for that, 8 hours a day, five days a week, nothing more, just pleasure.
I’d love it actually, being able to torture big men is the dream of every women. To dominate. I’d love to dominate with a needle.
Oh yeah !
Yo man, What the heck was that? I did not even smile once. I am very disappointed. This is nothing compared to the 72 raisins one or the biker gang INW. 🙁
Here is the nurse song.
God I hate April 1st… Firts Coop, now Chomps, next thing you know Condi and Rummy are going to announce that their joining the DNC. I’m going to bed to sleep throught the rest of this stinking horrid day that will be completely abolished once I rule supreme.
The DNC ? No the DMC you mean.
Speaking of attention, tomorrow I am a saint, so I should not be speaking to anyone.
I love that G.W. has the same dream as Jethro Bodine! Well, one of the dreams of Jethro, the other being to become a brain surgeon.
Special Ed
P.S. Anonymous, leave Amphitryon alone. She’s not a bug, she’s a feature!
Ack! Had me thinkin’ it was actually punishment for not buying your t-shirts and it was the end of chomps like you threatened earlier..
Then I saw the date slaps forehead
Tricksie
AWW CRAP! That update nearly made me shit my pants! Then I remembered April Fools, and that this was the first April Fools joke I’ve seen all day, even though it was technically April 2nd when I read it.
I’ll buy your t-shirts, I’ll constantly click on every single ad on your website 12 times a day… Just bring Chomps back!!!
May I have Chomps corpse and wear it on my head like a hat?!?
…and Colin Powell ran off to join Habitat for Humanity.
This was nothing. Anyone catch Sean Hannity on the radio? He went on for two hours about how he just couldn’t take it anymore, how he was really a liberal but had been playing conservative for ratings all this time, was throwing his full support to John Kerry, and had “guest” calls from very talented impersonators of Al Gore and Bill Clinton welcoming him into the liberal fold. He had call after call after call of people saying they were burning his books and such for being a traitor. I can’t believe that so many people would fail to catch on that it was 4/1. Hannity then used the last hour of the show to demonstrate that his joke proved how full of crap John Kerry is for so readily changing his opinion on every issue. Classic prank with a valuable moral at the end.
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Scott McC as an ‘undercover cop who doesn’t play by the rules’…priceless!!
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