So, I like heard we found WMD’s in Iraq or something. To be honest, I had completely forgot we were even looking for those. Amongst rebuilding Iraq, fighting insurgents, the Abu Grahib scandal, and Nick Berg’s death I guess the search for WMD’s got lost in the shuffle. When it came on the news yesterday, I didn’t even know what it stood for. “Is that a type of lubricant?”
Anyway, I’m too busy to watch the news to find out the fallout of this, but I’ll just use my magical powers of political punditry to predict what will happen.
THE POLITICAL FALLOUT OF THE DISCOVERY OF WMD’S IN IRAQ
* All critics of George W. Bush will admit how wrong they are and send Bush a written apology. Bush will also get letters for Santa Claus from some confused children.
* Foreign countries will now declare themselves fools for doubting American and vow to be more American and less foreign. All anti-Americans left will be jailed as insane and given excessive electroshock therapy.
* In a desperate move to stop Bush, John Kerry will steal all the WMD’s that were found. When the cops close in on him, he’ll hide the stolen WMD’s in his face.
* With Bush’s new popularity, Michael Moore will go on an eating binge (somewhat distinguishable from his normal eating habits) and will have one donut too many causing him to implode and suck Cannes into a sweaty, unshaven singularity.
* The destruction of Michael Moore and Cannes will get a standing ovation.
* Ted Rall will make an offensive comic about WMD’s to try and get some attention for himself. It will be denounced throughout the blogosphere and noticed by no one else.
* At the mere mention of WMD’s, France will declare an unconditional surrender to whoever will claim it first.
* No one will claim it.
* Seeing how great George W. Bush and the Republicans are, the Democratic Party will move out of the political business and instead go into catering.
* The Iraqi insurgents will decide they have gone too far and will now stop fighting Americans and instead vow to work hard with them to improve Iraq’s future.
* We’ll kill the insurgents anyway. Don’t f**k with us.
* The remaining terrorists will be overrun by monkeys who will steal their WMD’s. Damn you, terrorists, you’ve doomed us all! Damn you!
* Because of the accuracy of my predictions, I will be hailed as a genius and worshipped as a god. Religious service will be in the afternoon because I don’t like to get up early.
first
It would be nice if it went down that way. But we all know the truth of how Liberals are.
If WMD’s were found at this point, John Kerry, led by his undead legions at DemocraticUnderpants (I don’t know why the D.U. people are Undead, it just sounded cooler that way, leave me alone, this is MY theory) would leak “proof” to the “media” that Rover instructed Halliburton to plant the WMD’s. The scandal would be front page on CNN’s website for the next six months.
Luckily, the average American would disregard the information, Bush will win in a Landslide, declare John Kerry an enemy combatant, and he would be sent to Gitmo and never be heard from again.
God Bless America.
–I was SO with you, Frank!! …right up until the part about the monkeys… why’d you have to go and put that in there?? I’m supposed to just sleep like normal now, right??????
–BTW… new letter to Michael Moore????
hahahahahahahahaha!!
WMDs hidden in Kerry’s face and moving church to afternoons because you don’t like getting up early. stinkin’ hilarious.
btw, aren’t you already worshipped?
It’s amazing, all that psychic ability and not once does he mention my future marriage to some supermodel or other.
“Seeing how great George W. Bush and the Republicans are, the Democratic Party will move out of the political business and instead go into catering.”
Wow! Democrats doing actual work? It’s a nice dream, but I don’t see it happening.
Evil Midnight Poster, you have the best screen name ever. I miss The Tick cartoon.
I’m gonna take the under for a grand on those predictions. Can you parlay those or do you have to bet them solo?
“With Bush’s new popularity, Michael Moore will go on an eating binge (somewhat distinguishable from his normal eating habits) and will have one donut too many causing him to implode and suck Cannes into a sweaty, unshaven singularity.”
Mr. Moore, are you sure you don’t want a mint — it’s wafer thin.
haha and to think a stupid idiot argued with me for an hour about this and i said i’d had enough talking (he’s liberal so if you try to talk civilized it becomes ugly) DOWN WITH THE IMBECILES WHO SAID BUSH IS A LIER NO LIES INSURGENTS STILL DIE (btw Clinton said it first that line shoulda been clinton lied people died all along…in the words of my friend adam)
Just wanted to say that I’m proud to be way ahead of the curve on the “worshipping you as a god” part.
Can I have the keys to the church after you die?
A “sweaty, unshaven singularity” is where I wanna be! Although I think there may be competition from Ted Kennedy’s head, which is currently in the “red giant” phase.
I wish! (Outside of the worship part – God is the only one that gets worship from me!) But there are worse religions out there thank Frankism. : )
Too bad Blixy already opined in his best Terminator voice:
“Der are no veaponz of mazz de strukshun, und dat bumb dat wus fund wus from de first Gulf Wah. Dis vill take sum time to investigate – perrhaps even 18 months?”
The Sicilian triad/hippy Head company makes the Fortune 500 listing.
Wow, Frank did become a supernatural Entity.
It’s a good thing we don’t have ordinances against laughing out loud and spitting all over your desk around here, or I’d have been arrested a few minutes ago.
I don’t know how you do it, Frnak, but for the love of all that’s good and holy, don’t ever EVER stop!
Frank, I think someone should offer Mike Moore (french accent) “one waferre theen meent”, and then clear the room, FAST.
I don’t like getting up early either; sounds good to me.
Can I have France, if nobody else wants it? I like those castles in the Loire Valley.
Yes, but the dimocrats would only want to cater French food. Ew, snails.
Your damn right dont F*#k with us! BTW Frank, I cant quit laughing at this stuff. And Chris D. as for the Democrats working thing… I heard a great Republican slogan a while back….
“Join us now… or work for us later!”
How many shells did they find?
No, the question should be “How many more shells are out there?”
To stop the Democrats from serving snails, just tell them the snails are endangered.
No, the question should be, how did the shell appear at the height of the prisoner abuse scandal. In addition to proving yourself to be on the same level as any totalitarian regime regarding prisoner treatment, now your administration has proven to take a Goebbels-like approach to propaganda. Way to go, 4th reich!
Prisoners in china get treated better than those POW in Iraq. Soon dictators like Kim Jong-Il, Muammar Gaddafi and others will be able to take the moral high ground against american occupation in Iraq. And that sucks ass.
Btw, this is beginning to look like a pattern – every 3-4 decades the US will be involved in an embarrassing war just because a new generation easily forgets the stupidities of the previous ones.
If Bush doesn’t win in a landslide, it will be an idictment of how far our country has slipped.
Limey? Is that YOU?
Prisoners in China are treated well? Must be from the panda meat and monekey paws they eat. Is U_R Screwed be played by Michael Moore?
if this shell was a propaganda ploy by this administration, then couldn’t the whole abuse scandal just as likely be propaganda brought up against it? especially considering some of the photos out there are proven fake?
The fact of the matter is, both Clinton and Bush firmly believed there were WMDs in Iraq. But Bush is getting blamed for the ‘lack’ of them. And now there are some WMDs there. U_R_screwed, I think U_R_misguided and U_R_french?
Of course Chinese prisoners are treated better. When you have a bullet put in your head immediately after summary judgement, it’s difficult to mistreat prisoners. Unless of course death is mistreatment, but arguments like that haven’t stopped the left yet.
–Hey, it looks a lot like the limey is back with a new “screwy” name!! This time, he sounds even more stupid and ugly. I hope he sticks around for a while… it will be fun to laugh at his asininity.
Typical. Terrorists are setting off chemical weapons and people write it off by saying, “but it was only one bomb.”
The terrorists probably didn’t know what they had. They do now, thanks to the media. Not only that, but the media is informing them that IED’s aren’t providing a big enough blast for the chemicals to be effective.
Grrr.
to: The Chad
Nope, sorry, not french and don’t like them at all. Economic laggards. And their stance against the war is just about as political and economic as it can get, but that doesn’t make this occupation right. You see, the points I’m trying to make, are:
1) The US has always been viewed as a nation always taking the moral high ground both over there (this is a guess, but pobably a correct one) and over here in Europe as well. This prisoner abuse scandal is going to be a far worse a PR disaster than what it’s worth. This kind of shit happens all over the world, but noone thought it could be done by US troops. The US as an occupying power should at least try to behave now that there’s no turning back.
2) Unilateralism might look sexy and macho in a short time-span, but this could have been played out far better, letting the Germans and maybe even the French in on a piece of the pie. Also, you might want to keep in mind, that Europe has seen it’s lands ravaged by war for so long, that the European nations are far less eager to take up arms to solve a conflict. The US hasn’t seen a war on its soil for what, 140 years.
Now, what truly sucks, is the fact that it’s gonna take at least 10 years to get trans-atlantic relations back to normal. Altho Frank J might rant about the US kicking everyones ass with its “superior military power”, the fact of the matter is, it would probably be best for both u guys over there and us over here to try to stick together in the wake of China becoming a global superpower in the next 50 years.
Disclaimer: my country has some 30 something soldiers over there. But this is mainly because if we didn’t suck up to the US, we would have to suck up to the gerrys and french (worse) or the russians (far worse).
And, in addition, just so you know, a conservative president is a good thing, but not the one you have today. The family is too deeply involved in the oil and arms industry. John McCain would have been a very wise choice, but i guess he didn’t have the muscle to subside Papa Bush and his pull on Wall Street, in Langley and in Washington.
U_R_Right U_R_Screwed.
Btw, I live right next to the US embassy here, and boy oh boy is the security tough. Here in estonia, the risk on an attack on the embassy by terrorists of any persuasion is about as big as a meteorite hitting the embassy, but as a result of the precautions, i have to drive around about 1/2 a kilometer (~1/3 mile) to get to my appt. And this is in the absolute center of the city. In fact, the US Government (ie you guys – thanks btw) is going to install a security guard and whatchamacallit – poles that prevent cars going through – in the entrance to the buildings parking lot. And as i see from the kitchen window what’s going on in the embassy’s backyard, i tell ya, it’s a bitch trying to get in and out of the embassy. 3-4 minutes at least. With all the mine seekers and whatnot 🙂
But it’s good that we get THE SAFEST PARKING LOT EVER. No more gate opening either, all done by security guards.
This was a very funny read, followed by some interesting comments. I know that when some of my tree-hugging friends heard they said “Aw crap he was right!” I do believe this has cinched the election for Bush.
I dont think U_R_ Screwed is the Limey, notice the lack of obscinities?
If Ann gets france, I want Italy! Can I be ordained in the Church of Frank?
–Well, limey or not, he is definitely confused. Just so I’m sure, though: Frank, did you invite europeans to come to your site and make bad comments about our President?
–Did anyone else tell him that it was okay for someone from a country smaller than some of our high schools to come here and bad mouth America and our President??
–Here’s a clue, estonia-boy: you think you know about America because you watch CNN a lot. The truth is, you absolutely do not know ANYTHING about America.
–No problem… we have people over here like that, too. They’re called “liberal ass-clowns”. The difference, though, is that our “liberal ass-clowns” are AMERICAN “liberal ass-clowns” and are, unfortunately, allowed to spew their diarrhea-mouths around on web sites and what not.
–You, dear boy, are a FOREIGN LIBERAL ASS-CLOWN… and are therefore not the holder of such rights. Please leave now.
“The US hasn’t seen a war on its soil for what, 140 years.”
Gee, do ya think it might have something to do with the fact that we don’t subscribe to the appeasement philosophy of diplomacy? Remember what Chamberlain et al did to bring peace to Europe? Oh yeah, that backfired didn’t it? Hmm. I guess we Americans learned a lot more from Europe that you seem to think. Things like “how not to be Europe” and “how not to shoot one’s own foot off.” You yahoos wear 20th Century European history as if it is a badge of honor, rather than a badge of shame. Maybe Europe should learn to emulate US so they might actually be able to go 140 years without a war on their soil.
Idiot.
“Ted Rall will make an offensive comic about WMD’s to try and get some attention for himself. It will be denounced throughout the blogosphere and noticed by no one else.”
That was just mean, Frank. Mean, but hilariously true.
Heya, Screwed.
Why in hell should we want trans-Atlantic relations to return to “normal”? France and Germany don’t have the same goals as the US does, so what’s the point in pretending that they do? We ought to treat France and Germany the way we treat China, as neither allies nor enemies.
As far as unilateralism goes, you know that there are quite a few countries that are involved in the rebuilding of Iraq; yours is one of them. Yes, the US provides the bulk of the fighting force; how would the presence of French or German troops change that?
As far as “letting France or Germany have some of the pie,” since they obstructed our undertaking this activity, why should they get any benefit from its outcome?
I thought I was atheist, but with Frankism I see light…
Here’s something to show you just how much the French want to have “normal” relations with us:
http://no-pasaran.blogspot.com/2004/05/we-are-all-un-american.html
An English translation of an editorial in Le Monde. If you haven’t started hating the French yet, this should help. If you already hate them, this may give you an aneurism. Now, why should we give France ANYTHING short of a good sound beating?
Link via Merde in France.
Actually, Devil Dog, the biggest impression by US news channels on me was made by Faux News. They rock!
Now, i might not now a lot about the US, but i’m willing to bet a lot i know more about the rest of the world than you. And neither I nor most of the other people in Europe and, in fact, around the world hate the US. But your present administration is doing an an erxcellent job in cultivating hatred all around.
Now matter how powerful a nation, unilateralism DOES NOT WORK long term. And don’t you belittle my small nation. We have taken more shit than is healthy for any nation, especially for a small one like ours. Including from the US right after WWII.
Patriotism is good, I’ve got plenty of that and so should everyone else everywhere, but I think you confuse it with blind nationalism.
On a brighter note, the US has a history of coming to its senses eventually and normal trans-atlantic nations will resume. But ranting about the US antagonizing everyone being a viable strategy is short-sighted, even economically. As you probably know, the US economy without the rest of the world would fall to pieces immediately. Because you guys have been living on borrowed money for a while now. Check out trade deficit, for example. Correct me if I’m wrong, but as I remember, last year the US had a trade deficit of half a trillion dollars. That’s $500 000 000 000. For the triggerhappy, economically challenged people – that means, the US sells stuff to other people less than they buy from other people. And has been doing so for a long time. And where does the money come from? Foreign capital.
My point: pride is good, blind nationalism not. I know i’m probably barking up the wrong tree here, but nevertheless.
megan, i want all of the national parks except the one we nuke when we institute the realistic plan for world peace. though, i don’t know, i’ll bet tomatoes would grow really well in the nuked spot.
U_R_Screwed,
Thanks for your input. I’ve been to your country. I wish people in the U.S. were as friendly as in Estonia. You hit the nail on the head, “blind nationalism.” This country is way off from what the founders intended. Most people don’t give a damn about Iraqi freedom or Iraqis. They want to maintain the comfortable U.S. lifestyle and to hell with everyone else. Thanks.
John
to: Black Swan
I meant before the undertaking.
And guys, by the way – the Germans are taking part in the stabilization of Afghanistan. They have about 2000 troops there, if I remember correctly. So there’s really no reason of accusing every European nation of being a surrender monkey. But i guess that’s what sells, bigtime.
sarahK..Have at the national parks!You can probably grow potatoes in a nuked park too. But can I have all of the major waterways? Like say the atlantic ocean, for example.
How are those tshirt pics coming, BTW?
John,
Actually, we’re a pretty bitter people, on average. But it could be partly justified by the fact, that our 800 years of chronicled history contains some 40 years of independence and in much larger amounts Swedish, German (mostly Teutonic order), Polish, Danish and last, but definitely not least, Russian rule. The average estonian is therefore extremely prejudiced, especially towards the Russians. And this could also be the reason why we don’t much like to take up arms to fight, except when we’re attacked. We beat the russian pricks, by the way, in early 20th century.
U_R_Screwed – you made a pretty outlandish claim that the sarin shell was placed by US operatives to deflect attention for prisoner “abuse” troubles. Care to back that up, or are you just a shit throwing monkey?
Alright. I just want to point out a couple of things.
A) John McCain is not a conservative, he’s a liberal Republican.
For my money, you can drop the republican.
B) Scary lables are silly. We’re not blind nationalists by any stretch of the imagination.
There are Republicans whose ideals very closely
match the presidents and they back him.
There are Republicans who back Bush only because he can beat Kerry and who oppose him on certain issues.
There are some who are going to be voting for the Constitution Party next time around.
We’re not all following any ideal blindly, and you can bet we’re not going to follow any ideal just because it started in our country. If Bush started killing jews, for instance, almost everyone would oppose him.
But instead he’s disposed of a dangerous dictator,
tried to help out some immigrants, tried to
protect families and taken the Taliban out of
power. If supporting that constitutes blind
nationalism, I’ll take it over blind anti-everything any day.
rockynoggin,
I made no such claim. I was, however curious, how this kind of stuff always happens at extremely turbulent moments. Actually, in all fairness, i must admit that i don’t think this was “planted”. My best guess would be, this was one of the “insurgents'” devices. Because only a small organization with limited resources would build 1 unit or hide/place/whatever them in such limited fashion. But then again, what do I know.
If this was Saddam’s WMD, there will surely be copious amounts of them discovered shortly. Because he still had a lot of them shortly before the war, as we all know. It’s just a matter of time before they’re found.
You said,
No, the question should be, how did the shell appear at the height of the prisoner abuse scandal. In addition to proving yourself to be on the same level as any totalitarian regime regarding prisoner treatment, now your administration has proven to take a Goebbels-like approach to propaganda. Way to go, 4th reich!
Dunno, I’m just a stupid, arrogant American but it sure looked like a claim to me.
“Dunno, I’m just a stupid, arrogant American but it sure looked like a claim to me.”
My 1st guess would be, that you’re not, but you know best.
Just to explain: this would not have to be planted at all and it could even be a genuine Saddam WMD, just what’s interesting about it is, that it gets discovered almost at the exact moment when things get REALLY hot for the administration and all conventional methods of “public tranquilizers” (statements of support to Rummy from GWB & DC) have been used up and proven to be inefficient.
And so you know, there’s no better attention grabber than an outrageous post. TYVM.
It’s a Saddam shell, for sure.
Unilateralism? Did we annex the UK, Australia, Poland, etc.?
U_R_Screwed,
You have to drive AROUND the U.S. embassy to get to your apartment? Sorry. I’ve found that listening to music helps me cope with the traffic. Hang in there.
–Screwball… are you still here?? Didn’t I send you home hours ago?? Come on, be a good little for’ner and get on home!
–“Patriotism is good, I’ve got plenty of that and so should everyone else everywhere, but I think you confuse it with blind nationalism.”
–Hint: “Blind Nationalism” would entail me and several others hopping a plane to estonia to find you and beat you bloody. “Patriotism” simply entails me yelling at you and asking you AGAIN to stop commenting on things that you know nothing of- especially when it comes to cheap shots at our President.
–For the record, I seriously doubt if you know more of the world than I. I have been to dozens of countries over two decades and have paid a lot of attention.
Patrick,
I see your point but it’s necessary to point out some reasons for these countries’ support.
UK has long since pursued “special relations” with the US, mainly because they have been marginalised in European affairs by the France-German axis. The same with Italy.
Australia will be the US’ ally even after the US itself won’t be its own ally. It’s a nation of some 15 million that has a mostly islamic and unstable neighbor of 200 million a couple of hundred miles north of its shore. They need Japan for trade, but they need you for protection.
Poland is doing this for the same reasons Estonia and other marginal european nations are doing it, they’re just bigger than the rest of US. It’s by far in our best interests to be a good kid brother to the US. And, in turn, we are a good gamepiece for US in dealings with Russia. Let’s just hope you don’t get another “brilliant” idea from the brits at some point, to trade us off for something, as was the case in Jalta after WWII. If there ever was a definition of “prick”, there’d surely be Churchill’s picture next to it.
All in all, just as the reasons for France, Germany, Russia, China and others to be opposed to the Iraq War are political or economic, so are the reasons for other nations’ support. It’s neither good nor bad, it just is.
My point, in 20:20 hindsight, is that it could have been much cheaper to “buy off” the european powers. Peace at all costs is certainly not a viable strategy, but neither is picking a fight when the powers-that-once-were can be won over with just a little bit of tickling their ego.
What games are the French and Russians playing? they were both once global superpowers now reduced to being regional ones, and that hurts. So why did they oppose the war? Agreed, they had dealings with Saddam worth several bilions of dollars, but the main reason was, they wanted to show their teeth in hopes they’d be recognized and their views respected. Instead, the US disregarded them. Sure, you were very well able to do so, but I don’t think that was the best move. When UK has already settled for the role of the “younger brother”, France and Russia wouldn’t go for it. National pride and whatnot. But the US could have put on a show called “Let’s pretend we are triplets with me (the US) just having spent a little more time at the gym”. It goes like this – you give them a task and congratulate them on doing this very well. And they’d cry less and support more.
Now, there’s much more shit to clean up.
Paleo,
They blocked off the street i would normally take PERMANENTLY and so i have to make a round trip to get home. Getting out is easier. The arrangement is so, that if I had a 20 foot pole, i could knock on the window of the local FBI liaison :). Unfortunately he has the window paved with tinfoil, otherwise i’d sometimes take a moment and see pros at work. Now i’ve already gotten used to that and don’t give it much thought.
Devil-Dog,
I’ve also travelled a lot, but have it your way.
megan, yes, please, you can have ALL the oceans, though i wouldn’t mind a few little streams here and there. i could go the rest of my life without going to another ocean and be perfectly happy; i don’t like the beach either. as long as i have some parks, mountains, canyons, i’m happy.
the pics are going to be done next week; i’m moving this weekend, so there’s no time…
According to Drudge, Hans Blix has DENIED that the discovery of the latest bio-weapon in Iraq is evidence of WMDs… You can’t reason with these people!
that can’t be the limey he actually talked reasonably but we can never be too sure so buddy why don’t you give us right wingers some entertainment hehe.
matt
So, let me get this straight U_R_screwed;
Your country has defended itself against agression, but did you seek world approval before doing so?
Also, you state that your people only take up arms when attacked.
Excuse me, but you seem to be an arrogant little european shit. What’s good for you and yours, isn’t good enough for US?
rockynoggin,
Our freedom fighters didn’t go around the world to occupy another country, they fought to become free. In escence, that war was analogous to your war of independence from the brits. Do you honestly compare your forefathers fight for independence to the present day war in Iraq?
My damn hard drive crashed (physically, as in it broke) so I haven’t been able to get on for the last couple of days. I’ll probably just be rehashing what many of you have already said, but nyeh…
Like gaskar mentioned, now that WMD have been used/found in Iraq, the left will claim that it was only one bomb, or that just one use doesn’t mean there are any more there. The simple fact is that no matter how many WMD we find, how many terrorists we kill, how saint-like Pres. Bush is, no liberal will ever be satisfied; they are only happy when things are taking a turn for the worse so they can say, “We told you so, now vote for us!” I honestly cannot grasp how people so ignorant, so biased, so fake, and so morally-defunct can not only be elected, but continue to be re-elected. The flower children of the 60s and 70s are all grown up now, and are blatantly projecting their ignorance; their children are on a course to do the same. There is hope however, in that so many young men and women have felt the American spirit and are shaping themselves up in the military, and getting involved in politics so that liberals cannot damage this country any further.
I don’t mean to sound overly dramatic, but I truly believe the 2000 Presidential election was a pivotal turning point in the history of our country, a turn back to the right path. The complete degeneration the country experienced as a result of the Clinton administration would have finished this country had Gore won; the freefall would have continued. I seriously believe there was some divine intervention in that election.
URscrewed – maybe if you guys HAD gone half-way around the world and slapped the shit out of a country that was causing you trouble then you wouldn’t have to fight them on your own soil.
NUKE THE MOON!
wow i love you frank. My parental unit suggests that Hilary Clinton will replace Martha Stewart in all aspects. I agree with her. BRING ON THE SCANDAL!
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