Was hoping to do some humor blogging, but it just isn’t in me today. Might as well drop the facade – right now I’m in Amarillo, TX, taking refuge at the house of the gracious SarahK. She’s at work, and I’m alone with my thoughts. Anyone who has had thoughts before knows how dangerous that can be.
Charley didn’t even graze where I lived. We got in Melbourne the same amount of rain as we usual get each day during the summer. I didn’t think much about Frances until I got to work Wednesday and talked to other people who had been through hurricanes. They were planning to board up that night and head out, either to the other coast or further. Taking advice from them, I then bought my plane tickets for the next day and later hotel tickets for the Hyatt in the Orlando airport so I could drive in that night to beat the possible traffic the next day in case an evacuation order was issued.
Didn’t get much work done as I was waiting to see if my company would be giving Thursday off (they did by the days end) since I didn’t have any vacation left. I also was fretting over whether I was making the right decision to leave entirely. I was told not to come back until Tuesday because it would be more likely Orlando airport would be open by then. If my house did get hit, though, that means it would be sitting there for a day or so exposed before I got back to it. A number of coworker who were planning on getting back on Monday gave me their number so I could find out what happened to the general area.
When I got home, mission was to put up my metal storm shutter (or whatever you call those sheets), fix up a few things in the house, pack, and then heard for Orlando. First I got some gas, and, at 5:30pm on Wednesday some places were already out and others had lines. Not too bad yet.
When I got home, I started with those heavy metal shields for my windows. Never touched them before or knew how to put them up, but luckily the neighbors next door had put up theirs or I would have never figured it out.
While I started, one panicked neighbor whom I hadn’t met before came asking me questions about how to get the storm shutters. She assumed I had been hired to do it for my house because – let’s face it – I don’t look old enough to own a house. I wish I could help her, but I didn’t know a thing about boarding up. You see, hurricane standards were changed right as my house was being built. This ended up delaying it a couple months, and I lost the vaulted ceiling in the main room and gained the storm shutters for free. A lot of people near me had their houses built months earlier and didn’t have anything to protect their windows. Plus, I had heard at work there were already hours long lines for plywood the day before.
I tried to help my neighbor find someone who knew something more about hurricane preparations. My next door neighbor had been through one before, but wasn’t prepared for this one. Our area had pretty much never been hit by a big hurricane – that’s why the Kennedy Space Center is nearby. My next door neighbor watched a while as I bolted on those heavy metal sheets, becoming quickly exhausted in the sweltering heat and my hands getting cut up. He made a comment like, “That must be lots of fun,” and I laughed. I knew I was the lucky one though for having those metal sheets, and I really wished I could have done something for my neighbors… or at least knew something to give some advice. Many people in my neighborhood are elderly, and their property is about all they have.
It was about 9pm and dark out when I finished getting the shutters up. It appeared the builder had actually given me enough sheets to protect all my windows, but, for the last window, the sheets were about a centimeter or so too short. A little engineering got them on tight. Well, I hope they’re on tight. I was afraid of running out of bolts and washers, so I only put them in every other hole. I had plenty leftover in the end, but you couldn’t just slip them in after the sheets were up.
I went inside and made a quick post to my blog saying I was on my way out. I then covered my widescreen T.V. with a couple garbage bags taped together while transferring my important files from my desktop to my laptop. I put all my guns in the safe, and that was about all I knew to do to protect my belongings. I did a quick packing, activated my alarm, and turned off all the power except to the garage and my refridgerator. Then I left. In a way, it felt a little cowardly.
The road that night was already packed more than usual, and the moon hung low and glowed a bright yellow. Thank you, God, but I already understand things are ominous. There was a big bottleneck at the one toll before I got to where I usually park for Orlando airport (Melbourne has an airport, but tickets were $200 dollars more at this one day’s notice; also, I wanted to avoid having a connection in Atlanta). I parked my brand new car in what was basically an open field, assuming if it gets blown away my isurance will cover that. It was about 11:30pm when I took the shuttle to the airport.
When I came out of the elevator to check in at the Hyatt, some guy rudly shoved me coming in the elevator before I had a chance to get off. Nerves were already frayed. I checked in, got to my room, and called those concerned to say I was at the airport and ready to leave the next afternoon (my flight out was at 12:55pm). I then went to the bar because I really needed a drink. I then also realized I hadn’t ate anything since the one chocolate Entemann’s donut I had that morning. So I got a beer and some chicken wings. I talked to the bartender and asked him what his plans were. Hyatt was offering to shelter all their employees (in one of the ballrooms), but he wasn’t taking the offer because they wouldn’t let him bring his dog.
I went to bed, and at about 1:20am an alarm went off in the hotel. I ignored it until it was declared a false alarm about ten to fifteen minutes later. I then got to sleep; it wasn’t too hard – reality hadn’t quite hit me yet.
The morning I leisurely got up at 9am, watched the news and then showered. I took my bill and my letter apologizing for the alarm down to the lobby and then spotted that the terminal was filled with people, all in line for security. When I went to check in at Delta, the line was huge. I had two and a half hours to catch my flight. That’s when the fear hit me – not just mine, but all those around me. People were panicked – though subduded at this point – about missing a flight out from Orlando. If was pretty much certain the airport was going to be closed sometime tomorrow, so there wasn’t much of a window to find another flight. If I got stuck, I had no idea what I would do. Luckily a man came around asking if anyone had e-tickets. Only I had raised my hand (I guess many people came without having first booked a flight). Ended up there was a electronic check in which only took me a minute to get my tickets and check in my bags.
I now had over two hours to wait through the security, which, though longer a line than I even imagined, moved at a decent pace. Now I felt home free again. There was a lot of nervous joking in the line, and then a couple voices raised. Many were near to missing their flights. Some airline representatives were wandering around the line trying to help those who needed to jump ahead, but I have feeling many didn’t make it.
As I headed to the terminals, I got a glance outside. It was a beautiful day.
When I got to my gate, I had about an hour. I hadn’t eaten yet, but I didn’t want to wait in line. I found a candy shop with no customers which had some juices for sale. I bought one and talked to the clerk for a bit about those metal window shields. She was worried about her daughter’s home. I don’t know how most of those people could be working that day with all that was coming. God bless them for doing it.
Soon I was in the air looking down on Orlando, wondering what it would look like when I got back. Orlando was hit bad by Charley – some places were still waiting for power to be fully fixed. I hope this hurricane misses them; with the hurricane winds extending out 80 miles, there’s little chance of it missing my home.
When I got to Dallas, I called those concerned again to tell them I was now safe, and then got my flight to Amarillo.
And I have to tell you, nothing takes your mind off things like poorly singing “Rocky Racoon” at a Texan biker bar.
Anyway, got tired of watching the news. Even though Frances is now a Category 3, everything about it seems to be bad news. Because it’s slower, it will leave more rain and risk more flooding – which I don’t think I’m insured for. Currently, the hurricane is aimed at Vero Beach which I think is about twenty mile south of me.
Just got a call from a friend who hadn’t heard from me. He and his finance (they’re getting married next month) had just bought a house. They shuttered it up and successfully drove to Tennessee where is family is. I found out from him that some of my other friends are all planning to hold up in one house in Melbourne and ride out the storm. Stupid bastards. I hope they prepared well. Godspeed to them.
Well, no point to this post. Just getting my thoughts out. My house is new and really shouldn’t have any problem weathering the storm. My most valuable stuff are safe in a safe, except for my home theater and furniture – worth a couple thousand together. Then again, I’m young and I could lose everything and still be fine. I really am hoping to make some money off my house (it is some really great investment property), but even if I get back and have to throw rocks to knock my house out of tree, I’ll recover.
Just wonder what things will be like when I get back. Will there be an Orlando airport to honor my return ticket. How will work be affected? Will there be water and power? How will my friends and coworkers fair?
Well, just had to get that off my chest. I really wanted to write some funny thing with Chomps in it to promote the new t-shirt (which I think is awesome), but that will have to wait until whenever I get back to Florida and have power and cable to blog again.
Now I’m going to watch a movie and try not to worry. Everything is in God’s hands now. Later, ronin, and be safe.

Now that the Republicans will get a bounce from their convention, what can they do to keep the momentum going? Here are some suggestions:
* Defeat protestors in mass kung fu fights. Make use of dragon claw style!
* Don’t let people find out Kerry served in Vietnam. If people know that, they’ll vote for him for sure.
* Bomb more countries; people love it when terrorists are bombed.
* For domestic terrorists, chase them into buildings near where Kerry is going to have a rally. Then, when he starts speaking, blow up the building and shout, “Yay! We killed more terrorists!” That will completely steal Kerry’s thunder.
* Raze Massachusetts in a fashion reminiscent of Genghis Khan.
* When John Edwards is sleeping, secretly shave off all his hair which is the secret of his evil trial lawyer powers.
* Cage Ann Coulter and don’t feed her for a week and then release her on unsuspecting liberal pundits.
* Promise to restore all the items of hilarious right-wing bloggers that might be destroyed by hurricanes.

Since Doug already has it posted, I might as well go ahead and announce it. Once again, a million thanks to Brain Tiemann.
So here is the brand new Chomps t-shirt:

Continue reading ‘From Pen to Rottweiler: The Design of Chomps – The Final Design’ »

I just heard on FOX News that Bill Clinton had been admitted to a hospital for surgery, and my mental reaction was, “Oh my God; I hope he’s all right.”
Where the mindless Clinton hatred I used to have?
They just got more information: it’s heart bypass surgery. Well, I hope he’ll be all right.

Weather lady, stop mentioning potential flooding. I don’t have flood insurance. Let’s just blow the house clean away; that’s covered.
UPDATE: They say the hurricane is the size of Texas. How ironic.

If everyone is touting this big “separation of church and state” thing, how come so many polling places are at churches? I mean, voting if the holiest of holies in our democracy, so wouldn’t you want that most separated from churches? Has the ACLU ever complained about this?
Then again, the ACLU is always complaining. Here’s a funny idea: let’s pass a law saying all ACLU members must be sealed up in cardboard boxes. The ACLU would then come out saying, “This is a violation of people’s civil liberties!” but it would sound exactly the same as all their other protesting, so people would ignore them. Then the law would be passed, and all ACLU members would be taped up tight in cardboard boxes. We could then take the card board boxes and hang them from the ceiling with rope. Next, we could spin the boxes or hit them with sticks.
Now what was I talking about again?

If you’re wondering why I’m keeping my location undisclosed, it’s because with all these hurricanes I’m thinking God is out to get me. Thus, I’m trying to stay under his radar. Why, last night I hid where I don’t think God would ever find me – singing karaoke at a biker bar (I’ll put up pictures later).
I know what you’re saying, “We don’t care about your impending doom and how you’re going to lose all your worldly possession. We want our funny.”
Fine, I’ll try to think of something funny or two to post (I’m catching up on the news as I type). Also, I will be posting the final Chomps design and letting you preorder the t-shirt (you better all preorder it ::shakes fist::).