Yes! I got a full tank of gas! That’s important when a hurricane is coming as evidenced by all the gas stations out of gas and the long lines for the ones that still have precious precious gasoline.
Well, I was going to write some more funny posts – the funniest posts ever – but I have to prepare for the new death storm. This one I’m just going to ride out at home, but first I have to put up those heavy, metal storm windows.
Who thinks it will be cool to go out in the golf course behind my house and shout at the storm when it hits? I’ll take a majority vote on that.
FIRST!
Didn’t you see Caddyshack? This is the PERFECT time to be playing! You might even have a record score.
I can see the headlines in the newspapers now. “Angry man yells at clouds.” I can just imagine you outside, yelling and shaking your fist at the sky.
Cut off your legs first, climb up to the top of the boat and yell “YOU CALL THIS A STORM!?!?” … then, in a decade, you can star in CSI:IMAO
Putting up and taking down these storm windows every few weeks must be kinda-sorta like a weight program. Are you getting all buff and shit from the lifting?
Frank,
I can envision you going out in your back yard and screaming at the gods of nature about the unfairness of it all.
Just remember the the season isn’t over.
Oh, I can also envision getting hit like the stick figure in your Just Beat It cartoon…
If you stand out in a hurricane and yell at the storm, I call dibs on whatever part of your ass SarahK doesn’t beat the snot outta. Additionally, I’d have to downgrade you from “Comic Genius” to “Half-witted monkey brained dumbsh#$% who sadly, isn’t writing comedy anymore ’cause he did some dumb f#$%ing stunt one day.”
But thats just my opinion.
Hey Frank –
Draw another funny picture.
Thanks!
Frank:
Once again a hurricane is heading right for us. I blame you! Please clear out immediately. If you don’t believe God is looking for you, then explain why Ivan hit Florida and is now scouring Texas. Whyn’t you just head for Yellow, Tx permanently? I’m sure they have at least 1 computer there that needs programming.
If you won’t leave, then stay safe. And please use swords not bullets in hurricanes. Save your bullets for the post-hurricane looters.
Shake your fist harder Son!
Frank:
When shaking fist at storm and tempting GOD, please hold 1 iron high over your head, because as Lee Travino (sp?) once said, “Not even GOD can hit a 1 iron.” That way you will be safe and SarahK will still have you around.
RUN!!!
“Who thinks it will be cool to go out in the golf course behind my house and shout at the storm when it hits? I’ll take a majority vote on that.”
That would be insane, and therefor, Super Cool.
Just make sure you take pics/film it.
If i just flew by the golf course behind your house, any chance you would come out and shout at me?
Frank-
When it shows up,
go outside and yell at it.
(hurricane)
Throw stuff into it as well.
Y’know just to watch it all fly around before it hurdles towards your neighbors house at speeds to fast for me to fathom.
If you own a bike helmet, put that on (or a football helmet, cardboard box with eyehole) so you don’t get hit with anything
Connecticut Yankee, as soon as you said “hold a 1 iron over your head” i started cracking up, i giggle every time i hear that!
LAST!
Ivan and Jeane, the storms that won’t die.
OK, you want a funny story, try my story “DNC Admits to Forged Candidate”
And don’t interfere with my LASTNESS!
Shaking your fist works. According to the Cuban press it worked for Fidel. If that fails, you should wear a Superman costume so you can act like you’re flying when swept away.
Full tank a gas
Half a pack of cigarettes..
It’s dark out and we’re wearing sunglasses
Hit it!!!
I remember a Calvin and Hobbes cartoon where Calvin did that…
You should too!
Are you sure it’s a real hurricane? You haven’t been watching CBS have you?
You better go to a reputable outlet like Pravda or Al Jazeera to make sure.
I can envision it: the swirling dark clouds, Frank with his fist in the air, eyebrows furrowed, mouth wide-open-yelling at the sky. I’d want to see a picture though, celebratory-like. Generate it however’s most convenient. 😉
good luck
I agree. You need a superman costume to wear while you’re damning the storm (complete with fist shaking)
You should pull out some kung-fu on that thing. Kung-fu rules.
Bah, tie yourself down, shoot at it with the Colt 45 revolver you’ve got there, shake your fist, and take some pictures.
Don’t forget the liquid body armor either: Tequilia!
You need to have a friend drive you to Sebastian Inlet, where you can lash yourself to the top of the bridge & experience the full force. Sort of like the main character in “STORMY WEATHER”.
I think you’re all nuts. NUTS!
Is this golf course big enough that you have time to see hurtling store signs, garbage pails, coconuts, small cars, etc. and take evasive maneuvers? If so, then go for it (pictures or video mandatory if you can find another foo..I mean friend to accompany you). The Superman cape is a good idea too!
Just hide under the magnolia tree.
It is impervious to anything short of nuclear weapons.
Don’t brandish a golf club. Don’t wield a sword. These won’t help you.
Here’s an idea… Get some friends together and Moon the hurricane.
Remember – the Peni is mightier than the sword.
I generally recommend against shaking your fist at the storm and taking on God. It hardly ever works out in your favor.
Just stay inside and draw lots of little stick figure cartoons for us.
I agree with the crowd. Put on your Superman costume (C’Mon. Admit it. You’ve got one in the closet.) Go out back and hurl your lawn furniture at the storm. Then open up with your .45. When you’re out of ammo, shake your fist and scream vindictives at the storm.
You should wrap yourself up good in tinfoil first so you can catch lightning! Can Aquaman control hurricanes? If he can’t, what good is he?
Don’t do it Frank!
You’ll hurt the storm’s sensibilities.
RightWingDuck..I think that may depend on who’s peni we’re talking about here..
LOL
Since you’ve got to ride this one out I truly hope you’ve got water saved, are well stocked, and have a house that will shelter you.
I concur with those who advise you that taking on God and being outside, yelling at the storm is a bad ™ idea. You’ve obviously been the victim of ninja dream time programming ™.
Stay inside and stay safe. Keep those bullets and pistol handy for any idjuts who are inclined to loot after Jeanne passes.
You give that f’ing storm hell Frank!!
You seem to be unconsciously channeling King Canute. When you yell at the storm, be sure to command it to go back. And do it with sword in hand.
And when the teevee people tell you not to go out in the eye, don’t pay attention. They’re just wusses. It’s cool.
Before going out in the storm, throw some test objects first. During Ivan recently, my neighbors started by throwing stuffed animals out the window at the height of the storm…those things flew away faster than the truth at CBS!!! They then decided to try to shake their fists at the storm, but the wind ripped off their arms when they stuck them out the door. Idiots…didn’t they know that the evil Ninja monkeys fly around in hurricanes waiting to rip off bits and pieces of foolish humans? What else do you think is making that horrible howling during the storm? It’s the Ninja monkeys, fool. Stay inside. Save SarahK the tears.
Here is an alternative
1. put your shouting in a tape
2. put the recorder in the golf course and push play
3. run hard to get your butt back into the house!
Whatever you do, take pictures!!
and Good luck!!
Yes, run out and shout at the storm. Also take a golf club with you and hold it up as high as you can.
…to determine windage, of course.
Yo, I’d say go for it, but I don’t think SarahK would like that veryh much. It depends on how much you have to lose. lol. hehehehe.
Good luck with the ridin it out and all. God speed.
I concur with Dan. Riding out the storm lashed to the Sebastian Bridge would be a God-touching experience. If you lived, of course. And by that I mean if the bridge (and you) didn’t collapse. But what the hell, its probably a better rush than cocaine. Just don’t go hunting down freed animals from the Brevard Zoo. You need the ammo for looters. He he he love looters. Moving targets.
Frank,
I say you take some pictures that obviously aren’t taken during the worst of the hurricane. Then make something up about it.
For bonus points, you could have it bash President Bush and then have the guys at Powerline show you are a fake.
“old man shakes his fist at cloud”
SIMPSONS DID IT! SIMPSONS DID IT!
Oooh. Ooooh. Oooooh.
I’ve got it!
Hurricanes rotate counter-clockwise, right?
So, after you put on your Superman suit, just leap into the air, and fly clockwise around the storm, thereby negating the hurricane and creating calm for everyone.
You’ll be everyone’s hero. Well, you’re already our hero here (especially sarahk), but all those dweebs who don’t know you yet will then think you’re their hero. And not Hero like that cheesy kung-fu movie with subtitles. A real honest-to-God American hero in a Superman suit.
Voting closed yet?
I didn’t bother to read all the comments but I’m probably going to be the only person that says: STAY INSIDE!!!
I like my free ice cream, and if Frank were to be impaled with a 2×4 I would most certainly have a very dreary rest of life. Oh, and the world would be a worse place because Frank J would be dead.
“My schwartz is bigger than your schwartz”