It’s time for IMAO “Just for Kids” segment, so make sure no adults are around when you read this. It’s just for you kids.
Are the adults gone?
Good, now I can swear like a fucking sailor and they won’t know.
Anyway, kids, it’s time for today’s secret word: collusion.
Collusion means a secret agreement between two or more parties for a fraudulent, illegal, or deceitful purpose. Wow, that sounds like a bad thing!
And you know what we do when we hear the secret word?
That’s right! We scream real loud!
Now we’re going to talk about mean old man Rather. He used forged documents to say mean things about the president. Know what a forged document is? It’s like a lie, and isn’t lying even worse than swearing? Fuck yeah!
Now mean old man Rather works for a news organization, and they’re supposed to be fair to everyone. Don’t you hate it when things aren’t fair, kids? Like when someone gets a bigger piece of cake than you. But the mean old man Rather wasn’t fair. He made up mean things about nice President Bush, but then called one of the Dummycrats, Joe Lockhart, ahead of the mean attack. They claim nothing important was said, but evil lizardman Terry McAwful seemed to know about the documents beforehand, and even used a phrase from…
Aww, crap. The whole point of my post just got blown away. Man, and it sure looked like evidence of collusion.
AHHHHHH! The secret word! AHHHHHH!
Anyway, maybe there wasn’t any collusion (scream real loud!). Maybe CBS was just doing it’s best to be the Dummycrats’ bitch. Do you know what that means kids? Well, it’s a reference to prison culture where…
Know what; I’m tired now. Why don’t you snot-nosed brats scram.
SCRAM!
And don’t tell your parents anything that happened here, because I know where you live!
FIRST!
Gasp You know where the kids live!?
Does that mean you are in collusion w/ the parents?
POTTY MOUTH! POTTY MOUTH! FRANK’S GOT A POTTY MOUTH!
*my kids get “hot sauced” for lesser offenses. Open up, boy.
because I know where you live!
It sounds like Frank J. is in collusion with Santa Clause.
Not funny, Frank. You are better than this. You don’t need to swear like a prurient sailor to get your point across; you are smarter than that. Leave the F-bomb for Kos and the other Lefties.
It was funniest if I swore, and I stand by that.
No more f-words for a year now… unless Kerry wins…
do you promise?
I promise that if Kerry wins, I will swear unto no end, sweet SarahK.
What happened to the man that saw fit to replace the F-bomb with “ronin” in his seminal series, “The Limey”?
I miss that Frank J.
Plus, “friggin’ sailor” sounds just as good, IMNSHO.
You guys just don’t understand humor…
No, I understand humor just fine. It’s just that it doesn’t have to be crude to be funny.
I once went to a Lewis Black show where the entire first half of his act consisted of him using the F-word as many times as possible in order to try to get a reaction out of the crowd. Simply. Not. Funny.
Best stand up act I’ve ever seen was Kevin Nealon and the worst he got to was “ass”. You don’t have to be dirty to be funny, as you’ve consitently proved over the course of IMAO.
I’m not trying to be overly harsh, but I am of the opinion that you either need to have just lost a limb to a large piece of industrial equipment or be inflagrante delicto to use the F-bomb and not have it be gratuitous.
Just my $2/100
No, Frank’s point is that it’s funny that he’s cursing because he’s talking to Kids. If this was just a normal post, and he cursed, then you’d have a legit gripe. See, it’s all ironic and stuff.
Upon further consideration, I have come up with additional circumstances in which dropping the F-bomb (or one of its variants) would not be considered gratuitous:
1. You are a purveyor of street justice, dealing out death and destruction at the point of your gun in an unending quest to hunt down the scumbags who killed your wife and kids and you happen to need a really good closing line just before polishing off another street-pimp-that-deals-drugs-and-beats-his-stable-of-women-fortnightly.
“Mother” and “ing” can be employed here to great effect.
Damn! Are there any kids out there who can read that for me and tell me what it’s about? Being an adult, I am legally bound from viewing the kids section.
*West Coast rap being vastly superior to the East Coast swill being pushed by the likes of Jay Z and P. Po Fee Fie Fo Fum “I Stole My Best Riffs From Zeppelin and Sting” Diddly Daddy.
As my dad use to say: “Profanity is the refuge of the inarticulate m***** f*****”.
Hey, if Cheney can drop a well-placed f-bomb for effect, I don’t see why Frank can’t. As another poster said, the joke works because Frank is supposed to be addressing children.
I’m not generally a fan of profanity either, but I don’t think it makes Frank a terrible person for having used it in this instance.
So, in closing, three words: LIGHT EN UP! :o)
Frank, I thought it was f***ing funny!
And the fact that you never cuss on this site added tremendously to the humor of this post.
By the way, you adults weren’t supposed to read the damn thing, so Frank should be yelling at you!
truth be told, i laughed.
&$@ Frank, where the %#$@! do you get off *@#$ing swearing on this @#$!~@ing blog? I don’t give one flying @!& what the $%@#$ kind of funny @#$!! you thought you were typing, you @#$!@#%, cause you crossed the **@&@#! line with this one, @#$!##@. So just @#$!&ing cut this @#$@%! out, *#!#!!hole, cause it ain’t @#$@!ing funny.
Replacing “F- you” with “I challenge you” was hilarious, and substituting other words such as ronin was also amusing. I’ve even used “pinky-toe” cause it’s funny. I don’t even swear, so it’s not like a substitute word; it’s just funny.
So be more funny and less crude, you pinky-toe-hole.
That post made baby Jesus cry 🙂
I got news for you. Jesus hasn’t been a baby for two thousand years.
“Forgive me Father for I have sinned.”
“What is it my child?”
“I laughed when Frank J used the f-word and now I feel all dirty.”
“Frank J? Isn’t he the kid that just left? Don’t worry, after his little talk with me his rosary is going to be worn to dust before the end of the day.”
LOL!
I think SarahK should sissify the post for you… you know, an adults-only version.
I agree with Beo…stop#$@%^#$#ing FrankJ. It’s unlike you. On the other hand…everyone leave him alone before my big badass motorcycle biker friend beats the living hell out of you for bothering FrankJ…:)
Pssttt…. Frank, I thought that was funny as crap, I promise not to tell my dad what was in there…..
SOAIC
that was shocking I am shocked.
I have used asshat bastard and ass on my site.
I don’t feel so bad, cause i could only express my outrage in such a limitted way after all I don’t want to offend anyone unless they are a Libera, muckadoo, or and IslamoFascist asshat.
No more “F”-Bombs,
bad Frnak!!
Liberal,
Hear that, Franklin? Don’t get on Bikermommy’s bad side. Tsk, tsk, tsk.
Not to get off the potty mouth topic, Burkett is now saying that he DID SO talk to Lockhart!!! I think it was in the Fort Worth paper.
That was hilarious, Frank!
T’was funny because it was so outta character. That and it was like letting little kids in on some BIG secret. Thppppppt, I was swearing like a sailor at my old man’s knee when we used to go fishing in the summer. The only rule was “never let momma hear you cussin or i’ll wear out your backside.” And ya know what? I swear less now then I did then. Because wearing it out made it loose its appeal. Now, if I can’t find the appropriate English language to express my displeasure, people KNOW that they have seriously ticked me off. So good job FrankJ. Don’t wear it out though 🙂
I like the secrecy bit and it’s made better by the foulness. Kudos, I say, since it’s a rarity. (but don’t wear it out…)
…Oh? Mother told me it was rare…she didn’t read it…really!
I find it best when “I can’t find the appropriate English language to express my displeasure” to either:
1.) shut up
or
2.) rant in some other language
Number 1 is best, because people fear silence most of all. When you tick off a hillbilly, what does it do? Swears and spits and stomps around. When you tick off a ninja, what does it do? Stares at you silently with angry eyebrows, and you just know that behind that mask he is plotting your gruesome demise. Then, swiftly and sliently, your head releases its grip on your neck and tumbles to the ground with a soft thud. So yeah, just don’t say anything. Make them imagine what you’re thinking. Hard to do on a blog, but I’m sure you can find a way.
heavy threatening silence
I’m thinking your Ronin are getting a bit out of hand, Frank J.. Ragging on you for cursing when the whole joke was supposed to be..well, about cursing around children.. Don’t let them get away with this!
I laughed. I was expecting something anyway, it worked for me.
thanks for the word of the day, and the Rather-blasting…..that’s always fun
It indeed was funny, I didn’t seem to notice the F-Bomb to after the fact though. I remember when I first saw this site, one of the reasons I liked it so much was the lack of F-Words, not that I am offended by them, it is just a nice change from the usual comedy on the net. Also, I don’t remember having Frank swear til now…
meh, I will still visit the site everyday, and it was still hiliarious!
I have to agree with mattmoto, I like IMAO so much b/c of the curse free environment. I enjoy being able to have a site that my 12 year old and I can laugh at together. He got a real kick out of the whole nuke the moon idea, and your Dan Rather cartoon last week. I probably sound totally naive, but I almost let him read this one. Glad I thought twice about it – although the rest of the post was damn funny.
Are you people for real? The “F Bomb? It’s not like he chose a necessarily bad word (not sure what defines bad or good, other than popular opinion)
Most wymmyn (or however the fack you spell it) will tell you that the C-word is more vile. (Unless, of course, you’re reading the Virginia Monologues, then it’s just an exclamaition of self-awareness.)
Frank said the F word. Whoop de funking doo, kids. I say it about 20 times a day, either because I’m off my meds, and the vioces in my fooking head won’t fuhking stop fehking stuttering (“K-k-k-k-ill”) or because it’s a natural part of the lexicon in my particular work group. (Go figure, I’m in the military.)
Of course, we’re all uneducated bastages, right? So we’re allowed, nay, expected to curse and use potty-talk to communicate effectively. (See the machine-gun/bunker comment)
Frank’s post was funny. It isn’t Irony that he was going for, it was his use of a word (or words, or expressions) in a place where he usually wouldn’t use them. Absurdity works. Worked for The great comic masters at one time or another. Carlin, Kinnison, Lenny Bruce, Pryor. They all cuss, some to the extreme, and the basis is simple, it’s shocking. It’s (usually) unexpected. It’s funny. If you don’t think it’s funny, don’t read it. Change the channel. Go f-u-c-k yourself.
Is revulsion to the word so bad that you must scold Frank like my Aunt after I grab the wrong fork? He writes the blog, he pays for the bandwitdh, I wouldn’t care if he posted pictures of his neighbor’s hairy ass on here. (I probably wouldn’t visit here, though.)
Or was everyone so here repulsed when Mel Brooks used the word En-Eye-Double Guh-er” about a million times in ‘Blazing Saddles’ that they decried him a racist and shamed him and refused to watch ‘Spaceballs’, ‘The Producers’, or ‘Young Frankenstein’?
He said F***! He said Crap! He said Bitch!
Ever watch southpark? That shit is funny!