What’s with all these wacky polls? Some have Bush up by a huge amount, and some have Bush up by only a lot. Why the variance? Let’s take a look at how polling is done to understand.
First, scientist create a scientifical list of people to call up using science. A good scientifical list is the most important thing to good polling. By law, cell phone numbers can’t be solicited, so people who use cell phones as his or her only phone are excluded from polling. Such people are weirdo freaks, though, and best not heard from.
Next, you need to call everyone on the scientifical list. This takes people making one nickel over minimum wage working in a phone bank. They are given a very specific procedure on calling people. Usually it goes like this:
POLL TAKER: “Hello. Would you like participate in this poll?”
POLLEE: “No!” (hangs up)
(two seconds pass; phone rings again)
POLL TAKER: “Hello. Would you like participate in this poll?”
POLLEE: “I already told you NO!!” (hangs up)
(two seconds pass; phone rings again)
POLL TAKER: “Hello. Would you like participate in this poll?”
POLLEE: “Fine! Just give me your @$%& poll!!!”
What if the person initially agrees to the poll, you ask. Then this is the procedure:
POLL TAKER: “Hello. Would you like participate in this poll?”
POLLEE: “Sure.”
(poll taker hangs up; two seconds pass; phone rings again)
POLL TAKER: “Hello. Would you like participate in this poll?”
POLLEE: “I already said I would.”
(poll taker hangs up; two seconds pass; phone rings again)
POLL TAKER: “Hello. Would you like participate in this poll?”
POLLEE: “Will you just give me your @#%& poll!!!!”
The most important thing when polling someone is that the pollee be very angry. Angry people tend to be more opinionated, thus making better poll data.
So what to ask? Well the most important thing when polling someone is how the questions are phrased. Consider for instance the question “Will you be voting for Bob or Ed?” versus “Will you be voting for Bob like all decent, God-fearing people are, or will you be voting for Ed along with the pedophiles?” Despite those questions being about the same thing, that phrasing will get different data. Crazy but true!
So, if you aren’t getting the poll data you want, change the questions. Then you’ll have polls validating what you think. It feels good, just like endorphins.
So now we get back to the question I asked at the beginning: Why are the current polls on the presidential election so different from each other? I have no idea, but that query made a good lede, don’t you think?
Frank, you make a good point, angry people do make better poll subjects. Personally I wouldnt know how I would anwser no any polls because I usually slam the phone down in their ear, i HATE telemarketers. Is it a commie consperiacy? They keep calling me, im scared!! First
That was great, sir. Very funny.
OT, sorry had to share….
Just put up a very touching post about “Dubya”, come by and read it.
I agree, decent people should vote for Bob. People who don’t vote for Bob are pedophiles or worse. I don’t know what “worse” really is, but I’m sure they’re worse.
I believe the standard polling technique for the Zogby folks is to call up Noam Chomsky and ask him who he’ll be voting for. Chomsky replies, “Well, I’d like to vote for Kerry because he hates America almost as much as I do, but I’m leaning towards just staying home because he’s such a lame candidate.”
The pollster then releases the results as “45% for Kerry, 45% for Bush, 5% undecided.” And it’s called a scientific poll because Chomsky teaches at a university.
HEY! Lots of normal people only have a cellphone!
Just for that crack, I’m going to FedEx you some monkeys.
I’m reminded of the Animaniacs episode about beans and George Went.
“Do you want to take a survey?”
Hey. My husband and I use cell phones exclusively… we used to have a land-line back during the dial-up days, but now that there’s high-speed surfing available, why pay the extra? The only time it’s a problem is if I have to hire a babysitter and he/she doesn’t have their own cell phone.
I won’t FedEx you any monkeys, but I might consider forcing you to sit through the clip at the end of the credits for “Pirates of the Caribbean” a million times. I hate that scene, and I don’t even have a monkey phobia.
I’m just glad that talk like a pirate day is over. That shit was annoying.
When are we gonna have talk like a Mexican day? I’m actually poco bueno at that, vato loco Francisco.
What’s “lede” mean?
I’m in favor of “Talk like you have a brain in your head day”. That would definitely quite things down in some circles.
“You know, I haven’t heard anything from Senator Hillary all day.”
the only reason i have a land line now is because Bikermommy kept getting mad ’cause she had to call long distance to her daughter who lives in the same town.
In my neck of the woods, I have to stand up against the window on the north side of the house if I’m on my cell otherwise I lose signal. If I’m going to my mom’s, I leave it home because it doesn’t matter where you stand, you get nothing.
The saddest part is it’s not even AT&T. It’s Verizon. 🙁
Speaking of polls, I’m happy to see that Bush’s lead is still going strong. Once Bush exceeds expectations at the upcoming debates, the election will be in the bag.
More at http://www.adammarvin.com
Best. Title. Ever.
I’m a little slow today. I just got the title. Duh.
Stinkin’ hilarious!
Poll my finger? Poll my finger? POLL YOUR FINGER! OK,I will poll my finger out.
The actual questions asked in many polls are available at:
http://pollingreport.com/