There is going to be a total eclipse of the moon tonight. I think that would be a great time to nuke the moon in secret. Then, when people are expecting the eclipse to end, they’ll be like, “Dude, where’s the moon?”
Heh heh.
Archive of entries posted on October 2004
Feedback, Por Favor
There are now seven items in the IMAO for the Non-Deaf, all produced by Scott McCollum (I gave him my writing; all the voices, sound effects, etc. are made by him). We’re hoping to try and get these on the radio, and really need your feedback. How would you rank them in order of funniness? What did you like? What didn’t like?
Oh, and if you have any connections in the radio business…
Kerry Talks to the Kids
In one of the battleground states, an elementary school was having a career day. Kerry thus stopped by to explain what it’s like to be a Senator.
Audio of the event is here.
For balance, Bush will speak to the class about being President, and I’ll have that audio for you when available.
I Have in My Hand a List…
From Wikipedia, here is a list of Republican celebrities. Some are pretty surprising, though I’m not sure how all of these were verified.
(Hat tip to Chris at Flash Bang for the link)
BTW, I have a surprise for you all later this afternoon. Stay tuned, sportsfans.
Who Are They Voting For?
Here’s a story on who the terrorists are supporting, and – surpise surprise – most are happy that they think they’ve harmed Bush’s reelection chances. At least there seems to be more debate among the issue with the terrorists than on Democratic Underground.
Vote Or P. Diddy Dies
An Editorial by Frank J.
This next election is extremely important, so important that rapper P. Diddy has come out with the slogan, “Vote Or Die.” That’s because, man, if Bush is reelected, we’ll all be sent out to Iraq or other crazy places through a draft where we’ll be killed. And, if you aren’t sent out, we’ll make the insurgents so mad from stealing their oil that they’ll come here and kill us with their righteous anger, man! So, if you don’t vote and stop Bush, YOU WILL DIE!
“As you’re forced to work in an underground uranium mine, you’ll say, ‘Oh, I wish I listened to Frank and kept him from killing P. Diddy!'”
But apparently that’s not enough to move some of you. I can see you still sitting there saying, “I don’t feel like voting. Voting is for homos.” Fine, maybe you don’t care enough about your own life to vote, but I think I know of one you do.
Yeah, that’s right; if you don’t vote, I’ll kill P. Diddy!
Bet I have your attention now. Imagine a world without P. Diddy – without him taking previously popular songs and talking over them. Horrible, isn’t it? Well, it gets much worse if Bush, Cheney, and the Halliburton stooges remain in office. They’ll take our starving children who are failing in schools and send them to die in ambushes in Fallujah. All the while, Bush and Cheney will be eating Kitten/Puppy stew while planning nuclear war on behalf of oil interests.
Nuclear war, man! That’s game over for all of us!
So that’s why I’m going to kill P. Diddy if you don’t vote. Hell, if Bush is reelected and pollutes the world with his polluting stuff and things, it’ll be a mercy killing. I even have plans for it; I’ll just sabotage one of his guns so next time P. Diddy brandishes it at a nightclub, it will go off and shoot him. Know what you’ll have then? P. Diddlysquat, that’s what. It will be too late because you didn’t vote. Bush’s Nazi stormtroopers will already be rounding us up at this time, and, as you’re forced to work in an underground uranium mine, you’ll say, “Oh, I wish I listened to Frank and kept him from killing P. Diddy!”
So vote or P. Diddy dies. Spread the word.
Frank J. is a syndicated columnist whose columns appear worldwide on IMAO.us and is the author of such books as “The Politics of Punching” and “Buy This Book Or Die.”
Links of the Day
Andrew Sullivan has a hilarious quote from the State Department. He also has an endorsement of John Kerry, which is just slightly less surprising than the New York Times’s endorsement. Somewhat related, Christopher Hitchens comes out for Bush in an article actually published in The Nation (I thought they banned him for using rational thought?).
If you want more election advice from people who can’t vote in the U.S. Presidential Race, check out this site. Take note of the blurb up top. Maybe we should remind other nations that we have lots of bombs and are pretty antsy.
Going back to my post this morning about the desperation of the Democrats, look at this debate (or shout down) with Swift Boat vet John O’Neil.
Bush Radio Ad: Hungry Liberals
To make up for my selling out, I helped write a radio ad for Bush, but, as is his character, he ended up adlibbing most of it.
Anyway, here is the radio ad produced by Scott McCollum.
Deja Vu All Over Again
There has been a lot of talk of wouldn’t it be ironic if Bush won the popular vote this election but lost in the Electoral College. That is looking like a possibility with him leading in almost all the national polls.
But then I remember that back in 2000, there was tons of talk of the exact same thing – Bush winning the popular vote but losing in the Electoral College. No one mentioned the possibility of what really happened.
Just thought I’d point it out; deja vu to that 2000 mess is bad.
Well, maybe I can help widen the gap with the new ad I helped make for Bush. Should I release the mp3 for it now or tomorrow morning?
To Jihad or Not to Jihad
So, if I understand things – and I’m easily confused – CBS News and the New York Times were colluding to break a BS story about missing explosives as close to the election as possible (possible informing Kerry with how quickly he jumped on the issue) using information leaked to them by the America-hating U.N.
Do you think it’s time for us bloggers to declare jihad?
I’m tired of the blogosphere being used to get useful information out that isn’t being reported elsewhere; let’s see how good its destructive force is! It’s time to use our combined ability to destroy CBS “News” and the New York Times! They are partisan hacks and thus should be razed to the ground!
We are bloggers and we are mighty!
UPDATE: Here’s the boycott CBS page.
In My World: Necessary Precautions
“Bush says he is religious,” Kerry said in his haughty but boring tone, “but I am religious as well. Everyday I say prayers to Dod.”
“The name of the Almighty is God, sir,” Kerry’s butler whispered in his ear.
Kerry looked startled for a moment and then angry. “I served in Vietnam!”
Bush turned off the T.V. “What a moron,” he chuckled. “Hopefully we won’t have an idiot like that in the White House, right, Barney?”
“Yipe! Yipe!” the scotty dog said in agreement.
“It’s great we have someone smart like me, huh?”
Barney was silent.
“Well, who wants a treat from the smartest president?” Bush asked angrily.
“Yipe! Yipe!”
Bush tossed Barney a dog biscuit as Secret Service Agent Smith entered the room.
“As a precautionary measure, we just raided The Guardian headquarters,” Agent Smith said, “We killed a number of editors and threw the rest in a hole in Gitmo.”
“What’s The Guardian?” Bush asked.
“It a left-wing rag in the UK which had an article about assassinating you,” Agent Smith explained, “Thus we took them out as a precaution, and executed the one responsible for the article.”
“Other countries have newspapers?” Bush chuckled, “That’s cute. So how are you progressing on reclassifying the New York Times from a news organization to partisan attack machine?”
“We were actually just planning on raiding their headquarters and throwing them all in Gitmo, too,” Agent Smith answered.
Bush shrugged his shoulders. “Whatever you think is best.”
Agent Smith left the room and Bush turned back to Barney. “I guess foreign newspapers are a lot like newspapers in the U.S. – I don’t reads ’em! Now, who is the best President ever?”
Barney ran under a portrait of Reagan and said, “Yipe! Yipe!”
“Well, who is the best President who gives you treats?” Bush asked angrily.
Barney ran to Bush. “Yipe! Yipe!”
“That’s my dog!”
More Radio Ads to Come
Because of all the Kerry and Edwards radio ads and allowing a draft-scare ad on my site, you may think I’ve sold out.
And it’s true. I like money.
Still, I’ve now wrote a Bush ad which was produced by Scott McCollum. I’ll put it up either today or tomorrow considering how good you all are.
Speaking of political ads, I heard of the audio to this one on the Glenn Beck show and it seems spooky (horror movie spooky). I won’t be able to see it until I get home from work, so tell me what you think and whether it’s worth a push to actually get it aired in the battleground states.
October Surprise, Yo!
So, according to some new documents, Kerry was taking marching orders for his anti-war movement directly from the Viet Cong. Hell, they haven’t finished translating all the documents yet; his whole presidency may be a Commie Vietnamese plot of revenge.
Anyone know of any other blog with some good detail or analysis about this, ’cause it ain’t a small thing if it’s true.
Thanks to the lovely and talented SarahK for pointing me to the article.
UPDATE: Wizbang is right, we need a good name for this scandal.
My Suggestions Thus Far:
Commiegate
The Kerry Commie Surrender Puppet Story
The Story That Is Seared – Seared – Into Our Memories
Kerry the Commie Tool Reminiscent of Jenjis Khan
I Have a Plan… Straight from Ho Chi Minh!
An American Tool in Paris
The French/Commie Connection
The Manchurian Dingus
I’m thinking of just going with “Commie Puppetgate.” You really need that “gate” in there to make it sound scandalous.
Question of the Day
So on Election Day, I’m supposed to vote for Sherrif (well, I might actually do the early vote thing this weekend so I can go straight to live blogging on the 2nd after work). But, as I found out at the range, most of the Sheriff’s on the nightshift are punk kids whom I’m pretty sure no one voted for. So what Sheriff exactly am I voting for? The super-master Sheriff?
I really dunno.
What do you think?
They Reek of Desperation and Patchouli Oil
Though polls are close, the left and the Democrats seem to be getting increasingly desperate. How can you tell? Here is a list of how:
TOP TEN WAYS YOU CAN TELL THE LEFT IS GETTING DESPERATE ABOUT THE ELECTION
10. In response to Sinclair, numerous networks are forced to carry an hour long special about how Dick Cheney’s daughter is a lesbian.
9. Bill Clinton is trotted out to do constant speeches, receiving treatment of a defibrillator between each one.
8. Instead of offering crack for registration, now they offer full-fledged cocaine.
7. P Diddy changes his get out the vote slogan in phone calls from “Vote or Die” to “Vote or I’ll Kill You, Honkey.”
6. They give up on the Kerry campaign to get a head start on the “Bush Stole the Election Again” campaign.
5. They pay for an ad scaring people about the draft on IMAO.
4. They threaten that, if Bush is reelected, they’ll have people move here from France.
3. Kerry starts to make an issue of how he served in Vietnam.
2. For the last minute campaigning, Kerry gets a two thousand dollar haircut.
And the number one way you can tell the left is getting desperate about the election…
You can’t. They’ve been about as desperate as they can be since 2001.