What should Bush do in tomorrow’s debate to regain his momentum?
I think he should punch Kerry through the chest, rip out his still beating heart, and show it to Kerry just before he dies. Then everyone around the world would be like, “Holy @$%&!”
And it would be so cool.
What do you think?
First
That would be so cool I would pay one of my childrens college funds to see that
just try and imagine the look on kerrys face just before he hits the ground
gbfan
FIRST!
DANG IT! o well i think he should strangle kerry with his purple heart ribbons
Perhaps Bush could show him a debate Texas style… Lasso Kerry and tie him to the back of his truck before dragging him around the parking lot 3 or 4 times. Now THAT would be a debate!
Can the heart catch on Fire as Kerry desends into hell, like in Temple of Doom?
The heart thing could backfire. You’re assuming Kerry has one.
Picture Bush, arm in Kerry’s chest up to the elbow, and Kerry spouting off, “Couldn’t find WMD’s, can’t find my heart.”
It would be horrible for the campaign.
that’d be cool if kerry’s heart were beating, but i think it’s been quite still for some time.
Call sKerry a big fat stupidhead,walk right over to him and beat the everloving Texas s**t out of him. Then sic his Texas attack monkeys on Frenchie. The fangs! The claws!
Heh heh – during the debate, a town hall one, right? A person gets the microphone, and addresses Kerry, growling……. : )
To the assembled masses in the hall re Kerry/Edwards:
“You don’t need to see his debate. These are not the candidates you’re looking for. I can go about my business.”
That’s the funniest shit I’ve read all morning!
Pistols at ten paces.
Scott Sanburn, Would that “growling person” happen to be wearing a blue UN helmet? Me likey.
Dubya could throw him a football…
I was thinking per an earlier In My World that the ghosts the Founding Fathers, John Wayne, and Frank Sinatra could come down and proceed to bitch slap, rabbit punch, and groin kick Kerry for 90 minutes.
i would actually pay to see that..
Old Blue Eyes was on the list because he’s the king of tough love, and frankly, as far as I can tell, the best we can hope for Kerry is to knock some sense into him.
Michael – that was great!
After the question from the growling audience member, the next question could be from Condi (hidden behind a red wig).
“Senator Kerry, could you restate your position on Iraq from mm/dd/yyyy and contrast that with your position last Thursday? Oh, and I wish you a speedy recovery from those nasty wounds.”
Since no one seemed to like his frowny face at the last debate, President Bush should try othter, seemingly random expressions when he’s not speaking: Shock, amusement, anger, boredom, rage … whatever. When questioned about it, he can say “I heard Al Gore was watching and I wanted to teach him how to show emotion. Next week we’ll work on ‘ashamed’ and ‘excited'”.
Then he can rip Kerry’s heart out. But afterwards he should toss it up in the air and put three rounds from his Peacemaker through it before it hits the ground.
S
Maybe the moderator could be the guy from Mortal Kombat and when W is done with the Frenchman who by the way served in Viet Nam the moderator would say, “Finish Him!!!” And then Bush would have a space laser tattoo W ’04 on Kerry’s botox ridden forehead.
Maybe he could do that thing that Chevy Chase used to do in the old SNL news skits when he would make all of those mocking faces and wag his tongue behind Jane Curtin’s head while she was delivering the news.
But first, Bush should say, in his best Austrian accent, “Your clothes, give them to me.”
I was thinking only of a swift punt to the male parts … but that might require too much of a precision strike.
I like your idea better.
One final touch:
Bush should take a big bite out of the still-beating heart like an apple. Kinda like the Iron Chef opening where bites the big yellow pepper. Then he can shove it back in his chest.
Just thought it would look better on the news.
OMG, the mental image of Dubya pantomiming Kerry behind his back made me spit coffee all over my computer. How many of you would pay to see that?
raises hand
Hmm, since the debate is here in my home town we probably can get some homeboys to do it for a quarter……….. Would save the prez the cleaning bill for his suit. Kerry isn’t worth the quarter, but go figure.
Dubya should just make a wanking motion with his hand while Kerry is speaking. Or just do it for 90 seconds as a response.
So hateful! So partisan! So mean-spirited! So divisive! (Literally, in the case of divisive, where W would divide Kerry from his heart.) However, it would probably be like unto Nuke The Moon and Bush would win in a landslide.
If Kerry did it to W, on the other hand, it would be “sensitive,” “for the children,” “taking the high road,” “coalition-building,” etc.
They’re coming here to Phoenix next week. Must make plans……Hmmmm….
It might be cool to see W do the Vadar-finger-Asphyxiation-thing to kerry. No sound – just a curled finger and kerry gasping desperately for breath before….THUD!
I think he should show up in a Fun Facts about Liberals Shirt.
That would be so cool, that just thinking about it makes me a little “excited” (if ya know what I mean)
Jonag
“Maybe he could do that thing that Chevy Chase”
Don’t forget.. John, you ignorant slut.
Bush should:
1. Secretly switch the moderator to Ted Nugent in his loincloth and hunting gear.
2. Play Stevie Ray Vaughan’s “I’m leaving you (commit a crime)” as the background music.
3. Park Rumsfeld, Cheney, and Chomps at any possible exit points so Kerry can’t run away.
4. Stare at Kerry like Cheney did to Edwards. Kerry WILL sweat buckets ’cause he’s not quite as stupid as the BreckGirl.
5. (I’m having an Underpants Gnome moment)
6. Declare Victory!
Bush should hit Kerry with the facts. Check out this article about dem myths:
9-11 report found ties between iraq and al qaeda, and that wmd’s have already been found in iraq
If Bush hits Kerry with these facts, it’s game over.
I’m thinking full gladiatorial combat. They could fight and shed their blood on the sands of the Washington Mall and keep Rome..i mean America strong. Oops, silly me. All those temple-like buildings confuse me at times. Also, Kerry would just kinda stand there and take the hits screaming “I served in Vietnam!” or asking how many Purple Hearts he would get for this. All the electors could watch from the stands and then use that as a basis for how to cast their votes.
Whap! That’s for looking French!
Thwack! That’s for talking crap!
Thump! That’s for being snooty!
Crunch! That’s for stabbing Vietnam vets in the back!
Smack! That’s for looking at my daughters!
Punch! That’s for whatever I’m forgetting!
Kick! That’s one to grow on!
Bush should bring in a bassett hound, hold in next to Kerry’s face and say, “See?”
…or a box of count chocula cereal
I think Bush should sneak behind Kerry while he’s talking and mimic his actions with a Kerry puppet. Puppets make everything better, after all!
And then when Kerry notices, Bush should smack him over the head with the puppet and kick him in the family jewels. Then he can turn to the camera and say “How’s that for a soundbite, Slappy??”!!
I know I’d love to see that, anyway. :o)
Dubya should wear a t-shirt that says “I’m with penis-head” with an arrow pointing toward Kedwards.
Michael, liked your first comment.
Sandor, THAT made me laugh out loud. And Mommy just hasn’t had too much to laugh about lately. Thanks!
Honestly, I feel like Bush ripping out Kerry’s heart would be the funniest thing in the whole wide world, but also physically impossible as Kerry is a heartless swine…
Pour Heinz ketchup all over Lurch and then devour him, possibly with help from Rumsfeld, Cheney, Ashcroft, Condi, and Laura.
I think they should sit close enough together that every time Kerry told a lie, Bush could just reach up and slap him in the back of the head, ala Three Stooges style. Whap!
George Bush…Wins
Fatality!
Can’t believe I was first with the Mortal Kombat reference.
it’d be cooler if he cam out dressed as scorpion hired an announcer, through a rope with a point on the end, heard “come over here” shouted, and then pulls kerry’s already stilled heart out.
then the announcer would be like “but his heart was already dead…so bush pulls a lever and kerry falls below into some spikes.
of course his evil spirit would overtake some weak minded liberal like the emperor of star wars (then their face would turn ugly like that too..oh well…
that’s my story
Sticky B
I don’t think Dubya should actually rub one out during the debates, just make the wanking gesture (you’ve all seen it) to show how bored he is with Kerry.
Alternatively, he could just train a monkey to throw poo at Lurch durign the debate.