With all the changes going on here at IMAO I thought it would be a good idea to expound on the intrinsic value of change. Then, I thought better of it, but ended up writing it anyway.
Change is good. Here are some reasons why we need change.
- Without change, you’d never be able to buy anything from a vending machine. Or if you did, everything would have prices in whole dollar amounts and that would suck BIGTIME. Spend a buck for a pack of gum? C’mon.
- Without change, baby diapers would always smell like baby crap.
- Without change, a dynasty in china would have no name. Whoops, no, sorry, that’s Chang.
- Without change, adult diapers would always also smell like crap except it would be adult crap. Which is several orders of magnitude worse smelling than baby crap.
- Without change, when you went to a wishing well, you’d be all like. “Aren’t I supposed to throw something into this thing?” And then you’d be all “Man am I frustrated because I don’t know what it is I don’t have.” Then you’d be all “I wish I knew what I needed to throw in the well and NOW I can’t even wish for THAT.”
- Without change everything would be really, really, really, really still.
- Change was the inadvertant cornerstone of the John Kerry presidential campaign. Change kept him out of the White House.
See? Change is good! We need change! Yay change! In fact I think change is so good I am now going to change my position on change.
Change is bad. Here are some reasons why we don’t need change.
- With change, you always have to dig in your pocket to buy anything from a vending machine. And what’s with pennies? They are the gutter trash of the whole coin system, you can’t use them in a vending machine and they generally just get in the way. Plus they completely cover up dimes, useful coins which are actually worth something.
- With change, instead of baby diapers smelling like baby crap, YOU end up smelling like baby crap.
- Following change, many Chinese people fled China to Taiwan and were forced to have Freedom instead of living in the worker’s paradise under Communism. [ed note I’m pretty sure this one’s on the wrong list, because Communism, like, sux] Whoops, no, sorry, they were following Chang.
- Changing adult diapers also make you end up smelling like crap except it would be adult crap. Which STILL smells WAY worse than baby crap. Plus the whole ‘change’ event takes on a utter grossness of epic proportions. Not only does granny have to be at least partly in the buff (nightmare right there) to accomplish this, she’s also covered in crap or the ‘change’ wouldn’t necessary in the first place. Nursing home staff are seriously underpaid. Whatever it is they are paid.
- Change killed my Paw.
- Change also was part of a conspiracy to start a war between the Federation and the Klingon Empire. No, not Chang, General Chang, this time.
- Change will go straight through your head when someone drops it off the Empire State building, no matter what those mythbuster guys say. Change will, without warning, kill you instantly, if not sooner.
See? Change is BAD! We need change like we need a coin-sized hole in the head! Except for changing IMAO into a group blog. That kind of change is good.
What could be a better change than that? Not that there was anything wrong with IMAO to begin with. Except now it’s better because changing it was Frank’s idea.
Whew! After almost angering Frank, I think I might need to go change my adult diaper now.
First?
So glad you took such a decisive and clear position on that one… 🙂
OT, I’ll read the post after lunch, I promise.
May I make a suggestion? No? OK, here it is then. Can the author be listed right under the post title?
The problem is that the little voice in my head changes depending on who I am reading. It is extremely disconcerting to have the flyingspacemonkey voice in my head, only to find at the end that I was reading a RightWingDuck post.
Or am I the only one with this problem?
“Without change, adult diapers would always also smell like crap except it would be adult crap. Which is several orders of magnitide worse smelling than baby crap.”
…you ever changed a diaper of a breast-fed kid? It can knock you down!
yes, yes i have, and it should be considered biological warfare.
You ever changed Granny? It will make you pray for death to take you.
I guess the point is that change is both good and bad—it DEPENDS® on your perspective.
gaskar-I agree. We so need the name of the poster at the top of the post. Thankfully I was using my flyingspacemonkey voice in my head while reading this one. This material could only come from FSM.
spacemonkey: You got me. I’ve never changed Granny. In this case, I guess bigger ISN’T better.
Pete: that was a good one!
I think I’ll try to model the post structure off of Volokh.com, one of my favorite group blogs.
Both the Chang from Trek and the Chang from China (Later Tiawan, or as the kids at the Olympics say “Peoples Republic of Taipei”) were generals.
Can we prove that they are not the same man? (P.S. OUR general, Vinegar Joe Stillwell, used to refer to General Chang Kai Shek as “the Peanut.”p.p.s. Vinegar Joe is a way cooler nickname than peanut. Unless it’s some veiled way of calling a guy a douche-bag.)
Here’s the test:
Have Frank ,who, after all, dwells in the rich ether of fantasy, sneak up behind the Trek chang. Have him yell “Peanut Head!”
If the guy turns around re-e-e-ally pissed, it’s the Nationalist Chinese guy. If he is calm while he has you locked up, ‘nother guy. Oops.
P.P.P.S. I’m not sure what the myth busters said about dropping change off the Empire State, but you should drop Chinese change. (Maybe that’s just Chang?) It has a hole in the middle, just like a Shuriken, so it will stay edge-on the the wind resistance, falling with the force of a thousand hammers, just like the Shuriken of the mighty Ninja.
Not that I’m a Ninja… no, just another poster, inside your perimiter…
Lurking…
Waiting…
PEANUT HEAD!!!
…nope, ‘nother guy.
And frozen chickens aren’t that dangerous.
posts like this are why you’re the official monkey of mountaineer musings.
Pete that WAS good.
Ash, but of course.
Thanks for the pat-on-the-back sarahk.
anytime, monkey.