Glenn Reynolds vs. President’s Day

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(A Filthy Lie)
Because Glenn Reynolds is an evil puppy-blending, Satan-worshipping, hobo-murderer who loves Communism, he is forever trying to destroy America and everything it stands for.
Monday, February 21st, is President’s Day. Since our Presidents are our most recognizable symbol of American power, Glenn Reynolds will be frothing with Commie-loving rage that day, and will stop at nothing to undermine America’s glory.
Realizing that American Presidents are most often seen on American currency – the purest symbol of Capitalism, which Glenn hates because he’s an evil, filthy Commie – Glenn has hatched a foul plot to place his own despicable visage on our sacred dollars. Through means which I am not at liberty to disclose for national security reasons, I have obtained a badly photoshopped image of Glenn’s creation, which I’ve placed in the extended entry:



When informed that Benjamin Franklin wasn’t actually a President, and that it was therefore pointless to deface the 100 dollar bill, Reynolds responded, “How DARE you question my actions! Do you know who I am? I am the great Glenn R.! Worship me!”

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  8. I’m just curious about one thing. When you make the tie between The Puppy Blender and President’s Day…the question begs to be asked. Why then, is President’s Day the biggest day for mattress sales of the year? Do you think the fact it is because he goes into such a rage (explained by Harvey) the hobos are all afraid and do extra begging and rush out to purchase mattresses to hide behind? Huh? Almost sound like a possibility.

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  9. Note to Glenn Reynolds: Collin Baber is a hobo.
    You know what to do…
    Tyler: Yes, it should, but I was too friggin’ lazy to photoshop that in there.
    Tammi: If you’ve ever seen the movie Hellraiser, you’d know that most murders are committed on mattresses – usually on President’s day. Therefore, hobo-killers (like Glenn), would naturally want to go out and buy a NEW mattress to replace the blood-soaked mess in their bedrooms.
    All quite obvious, if you think about it 🙂

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  10. My weblog works now! ahem
    Of course, there’s also the fishy matter of using the counterfit Glenn money in the pet stores to BUY puppies and blenders with.
    Then again, the book of Punditry does state “The evil one will one day be hoisted by his own petard slash blender.”
    I wonder if there’s a connection THERE.

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