Hello, Aquafans!
Ever vigilant, I peruse the news sites for peril that can only be handled by the man in orange. Today I found that Democrats are suggesting that the ban on buying medicines from Canada be lifted. Democratic Montana Governor Brian Schweitzer thinks it “makes no sense” that the United States can import “cattle, hogs and logs” from Canada — but not cheaper prescription drugs. And I agree. Underwater there is no difference between hogs and prescription drugs.
Both are wet.
It seems, though, that the insidious pharmaceutical companies and their evil cronies the Republicans don’t want Americans having cheaper drugs from Canada.
Well, this seems like a job for…

AQUAMAN!!!
Guided by my fish friends (I can talk to fish), I swam to the cold waters to the north. A mere mortal would have been crying for a hot cup of cocoa, but I emerged from the ocean ready for actions. Before me lay the vast tundra that was Canada – a nearly deserted wasteland.
Or so it seemed.
Soon I was approached by the Canadian natives, shouting at me in their primitive tongue and shaking their hockey sticks in anger.
“I am Aquaman, and I mean you no harm,” I called to them, “Plus, I come bearing gifts.” In my hand I held out to them pearls – the jewels of the ocean. Distracted by their shininess, their anger soon subsided. “Now take me to your leader,” I told them, “I have things to discuss.”
“Wanga wanga, eh!” one yelled and bid me to follow. Soon I was amongst their mud huts that comprised their town they called “Ottawa.” It seemed they had a primitive form of government, one’s place in it determined by his ability to hit a small black puck.
“You wish see big leader, eh?” asked one in a royal headdress. I assumed him to be some sort of chieftain.
“Yes, I come to discuss trade with the Southrons with the drugs you possess.”
“We sell drugs cheap,” the chieftain said, “We no need them. We have magic elixir cure all. We drink we be healthy. You drink now too, eh!”
“Eh!” came numerous shouts around me as the natives made a clatter with their hockey sticks.
The chieftain handed me a jug. I knew if I didn’t drink, I might possibly offend them and cause a war between Canada and Atlantis. It smelled sugary and harmless, so I titled back the jug and waited for a sip.
And waited.
And waited.
Finally it came to my tongue. Their magic elixir was maple sugar. Now everything made sense. Because all the Canadian relied on was their easy to come by maple syrup, they had no use for their prescription drugs.
“Now that I have drank your elixir and shown myself to be a friend,” I told the chieftain, “I wish to speak to the grand leader of Canada to make trade for your drugs with the Americans – the people you know as the Southrons.”
“Me take you to big leader, eh,” the chieftain said and led me up the steps of the tallest building in Ottawa. At the top stood a huge moose. Apparently they worshipped this beast as their god.
It snorted upon seeing me.
“Big leader wants battle, eh!” the chieftain yelled.
“Eh!” came more shouts more clatter of their hockey sticks. Soon I was lead to a large arena – the moose at one end and me at the other. Apparently, I had to best their leader in battle to gain their full respect. The main danger of the moose attacks seemed to be its antlers, so all I had to do was let it charge and then dodge at the right moment and retaliate.
I misjudged the timing.
After I was knocked to the ground, the moose began stepping on my head. When I regained consciousness, I found I was being dragged by one leg back to the ocean.
I guess it will take more cunning to beat the leader of Canada and ensure Americans cheap drugs. But, don’t worry; I will stand up to the challenge.
Not right away, though… but soon enough.
This is Aquaman, signing off.