none of the other bloggers sent me a link of the day today, so it’s all up to my feminine wiles.
some anonymous guy in the comments posted a link to the unedited picture from my pic o’ the day this afternoon. it’s true, there’s a gag order in effect, so i had to doctor the picture…
also, from the kissing up to SarahK gets you a Frankalanche category, Pluto’s Dad has the top 10 motifs for SarahK posting at IMAO, or something like that. and #8 has waaaay too many euphemisms for me to say such naughty things!
and this just in: Kevin Drum has tips for better writing and other blogging tips. i don’t need them, but you might. 😉
nighty night, Ronin. be faithful and stuff.
Archive of entries posted on 8th March 2005
Top Ten Things That Can Help Stretch Your Gasoline Budget.
With gas prices getting higher than a hippie eating ‘special’ brownies I though it salient to come up with some way to help people out. So I came up with the…
Top Ten things that can help stretch your gasoline budget.
10) Learn astral projection. It’s just like being there with out all the actually being there.
9) Take a lesson from NASCAR and draft as much as possible. (No, Sen. Rangel, not that draft)
8) Be uphill from everywhere you want to go. So you can just coast.
7) Three things: Siphon hose, gas can and cover of night. You do the math.
6) Drive the speed limit. Speeding not only burns more gas, it can seriously get your Commie Italian rear end shot at/up.
5) Don’t drive for a week, then use the money you saved to hire a mercenary army to fight a war for oil on your behalf. I suggest Iran, lots of oil and no US Marines, yet.
4) Instead of the fine gasoline you normally use, fill up with dark, rich, sparkling Folger’s crystals and see if your car can tell the difference.
3) Instead of driving, get from place to place using roller blades and a lasso, borrow momentum from passing vehicles.
2) Get the eco-friendly utopia converter kit that the hippies use so your car will run on moonbeams, butterfly kisses, and B. O. (that’s right, now you know)
And the number one thing that can help stretch your gasoline budget….
Continue reading ‘Top Ten Things That Can Help Stretch Your Gasoline Budget.’ »
An Important Message from Aquaman
Hello, Aquafans.
Today I want to talk about an important, pressing issue that affects many of us in our daily lives. While I’m often fighting threats to the entire world (if they originate in the sea), this is a threat to your own personal world.
What I’m talking about, of course, is horseplay around the pool.
Nearly 80 million Americans get unintentionally wet each year as a result of horseplay in and around the pool. All of this is avoidable, though, if we simply treat swimming with the proper, somber attitude.
So please limit your horseplay to playgrounds, malls, oil refineries, and other places safely away from water. Remember, kids, you can’t breathe underwater like your hero, Aquaman.
This is Aquaman, signing off.
Totally True Tidbits About Bono
For reasons that give new meaning to the word “inexplicable”, U2 front man Bono is having his name kicked around as possibly being the next president of the World Bank.
I guess it’s not completely insane, though, since nothing says “fiscal responsibility” like wrap-around shades and beard stubble.
However, before handing this man the keys to the kingdom of international graft, bribery, and kickbacks, it would be helpful to know a little more about him. So, with a little help from my friend, “making stuff up as I go along”, I present (in the extended entry) these:
Gratuitous T-Shirt Babe Pic o’ the Day
this is from my AI audition. i don’t know the girl behind me, so i painted over her.
RWD’s News Round-Up, Tuesday
Hello,
I’m RightWingDuck and I’m here to share the news.
USA Today reports that most small cars miserably fail side impact crash tests.
Let me make sure I understand this experiment. You ram this big vehicle into the side of a small vehicle — and then you’re shocked that it sustained so much damage?
In other news, Consumer Reports details which cars can’t handle being hurled off a bridge.
The only car that passed the test was the Mini-Cooper which bounced off a passing turtle and skipped to shore.
I also just discovered that my Hanes t-shirts aren’t bullet proof!! Curse you Michael Jordan!!
What is up with that?
I assume that if you buy a small car, you’re aware of the fact that it might not be as safe as a big car? I personally enjoy driving my Hyundai Death Casket GT.
Downloading Crap Is A Felony
AP reports that University of Arizona student Parvin Dhaliwal was convicted of using peer-to-peer networking software on his computer to illegally download copyrighted movies and music off the Internet.
From the AP:
“The FBI found more than $50 million in music and movies on Dhaliwal’s computer. The illegally copied property included movies that, at the time of the theft, were available only in theaters. They included Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, Matrix Revolutions, The Cat In The Hat, and Mona Lisa Smile.”
If I were an FBI agent, just reading that list would justify arresting this guy for crappy taste in movies.
In all seriousness, intellectual property is an important right afforded by the U.S. Constitution and if Dhaliwal stole The Frank J. Happy Dance and put in on the Internet, I’d ask prosecutors for nothing less than the death penalty.
Fun Trivia
If Felons Can Vote, Then I Should Be Able to Carry at Polling Places
An Editorial by Frank J.
There are a number of restrictions to my conceal carry permit, such as I’m not allowed to carry in a school zone, at a post office, or to a polling place. In those situation, I just have to rely on my mad kung fu skillz. That was somewhat acceptable until I found out that Democrats are now pushing to allow felons to vote.
“If someone is capable of murder, he probably won’t have any compunction about voting for a Democrat.”
Now, conservatives have been making statement against the effectiveness gun control for a while in the form of “If someone is planning on killing someone, he won’t have any compunction about breaking gun laws.” Democrats must have finally taken that to heart and expanded the logic to “If someone is capable of murder, he probably won’t have any compunction about voting for a Democrat.” Now the DNC see violent offenders as an untapped resource to help push close elections to their side. And it works in more ways than just giving them more votes.
Think of what the new Democrat ads would be like:
ANNOUNCER: Now that felons have regained the vote, the Democrats want to see as many as possible at your local polling place. Yes, voting around you will be your newly enfranchised friends like these…
On screen appears mug shots of offenders along with their rap sheets.
Talk about voter intimidation.
It ain’t gonna work on me, bub. I say we lobby for us permit holders to now carry into polling places. Alarmists will worry about me running into the room with two guns blazing, but, while I will have two .45s pointed out in front of me, safeties off, fingers on the triggers, shouting, “I’m voting Republican! And, if any of you have a problem with it, make your move!” I will not be firing any rounds unless someone mistakenly thinks I’m bluffing. Yes, it could end in a violent shootout, but that’s true democracy for you. If you don’t like it, go to some country that doesn’t have democracy and we currently don’t have any immediate plans to invade (I can’t think of any off-hand, but I know there are some).
So, Democrats, go ahead and get felons the vote. Just expect me to come reasonably prepared… and I don’t just mean having read up on the issues. And, if one of your new voters causes me any trouble, he’ll end up with more holes in him than a punch card ballot.
Frank J. is a syndicated columnist whose columns appear worldwide on IMAO.us and is the author of such books as “Voting with Your Conscience and Your Colt” and “Fluffy Puppy Petey’s Wacky Wahhabism Adventure”.