IMAO Exclusive! More actual* IM logs from the Blackberry owned by the left’s favorite terrorist.
OBL: Wassup Johnny?
PrettyJohnny: Well, O, I’m still out of work.
OBL: At least you aren’t LIVING IN A [BLEEP]ING CAVE, like SOME PEOPLE I know.
PrettyJohnny: Hey now, O, baby, You KNOW things would be different if the bad hair twins hadn’t stolen the election.
OBL: yeah, yeah, I know, I know, you and Flip did what you could. But this whole running for my life, cave living deal, well, sorta sucks.
PrettyJohnny: It’s probably just a matter of time though.
OBL: Till what? They catch me? Have you heard something??
PrettyJohnny: No you silly-sally. till I’LL be living in a cave too. I’m out of work and I’m still having to keep myself up, y’know.
OBL: Of course, its your Allah-given right to be pretty. But Johnny, you wouldn’t make it three minutes in a cave.

PrettyJohnny: My senate chambers were pretty small.
OBL: not the close quarters, the rats.
PrettyJohnny: rats?
OBL: Yeah, cave rats, big, hungry, smelly and believe me, I know from smelly.
OBL: they LOVE the scent of makeup, witchhazel and expensive imported exfoliating creams.
PrettyJohnny: don’t we all.
OBL: they’d be all over you like Flip on an issue.
PrettyJohnny: Wow.
OBL: They’re crazy and near impossible to pin down.
PrettyJohnny: well, I’ve got to be cutting back on the treatments anyway.
OBL: NOOO! Johnny, you can’t, you’re so smooth and pretty and refined and––smooth. You’re my preciousss.
PrettyJohnny: Got to. My hair care bill alone is over $125 grand a month. Breck girl, nothing. I wouldn’t use Breck on my poodle.
PrettyJohnny: seriously
OBL: well, I never really got into the whole metro thing like you, Flip and the Dean.
PrettyJohnny: You’re lucky, the natural look like sooo totally works for you. But you don’t EVEN want to see what I look like in the morning. I’m a hideous freakish mess.
OBL: Maybe I do.
PrettyJohnny: Takes me over two hours just to shower and put on my face and style my hair.
OBL: Maybe I want to see you in the morning.
OBL: Maybe I would like to help make you messy.
PrettyJohnny: Aaaanyway
PrettyJohnny: the imported kangaroo sweat extract infused shampoo I use is super pricey but it gives my hair the fabulous body AND shine everybody’s come to expect.
OBL: Very messy.
PrettyJohnny: Between that and the frequent ‘cures, and spa-cations , my lawyering money is just about all gone.
OBL: ‘cures?
PrettyJohnny: pedi, mani, recti (don’t ask)
OBL: Sorry about the cash situation but you Don’t have to be rich, to be my girl I take back what I said about you not ‘making it’ in a cave.
OBL: my cave anyway.
OBL: you there?
PrettyJohnny: I’m here
OBL: I did it again, didn’t I?
PrettyJohnny: Yes, you’re coming on to me AGAIN. Don’t get me wrong, I’m flattered but frankly it makes me very uncomfortable.
PrettyJohnny: you KNOW I’m already in a committed relationship.
OBL: I know, I’m SORRY.
PrettyJohnny: Plus, I’m also married to Elizabeth!
OBL: It’s the cave and the rats! They plays tricksss with my mind and my masculinity. I can’t help it. But I’ll try be good.
PrettyJohnny: uh huh, well ok.
PrettyJohnny: hang on a sec
OBL : k
PrettyJohnny: I hear Elizabeth, my WIFE, calling me. She thinks I’m on careerbuilder.com.
OBL: oooh! Sneaky AND precioussss
PrettyJohnny: heh. brb
OBL: k
PrettyJohnny: She said I need to go downstairs to sign for this $10,000 crate of kangaroo sweat that customs just cleared. Did I mention I’m making my own shampoo now?
OBL: you GO, grrrlfriend,
OBL: you’re worth it.
PrettyJohnny has signed off.
OBL: wellllllllll, crap
Remember friends, OBL’s Hacked Blackberry excerpts are an IMAO Exclusive! No one else would subject you to this.