(A Precision Guided Humor Assignment)
With all the crazy action going on over in Iraq, it’s hard to tell friend from foe. Let’s say you’re manning a checkpoint and a car comes careening up toward you. You have no idea whether it’s a suicidal car-bomber, an innocent (if somewhat communist) Italian journalist, or simply just another Ahmed Lunchpail in a hurry to get home for a nooner.
Wouldn’t it be nice if there were an easy way to tell them apart so you wouldn’t accidentally open fire on the last example and risk losing the hearts and minds of the Iraqi people? Well, it turns out there’s an easy way to spot the bad guys – just read the bumper stickers! If you see one that’s even remotely like the ones I list in the extended entry, then fire at will:
- Driver carries less than 20 pounds of explosives.
- Visualize whirled pieces.
- It could be worse…. at least I’m not a postal worker.
- This car runs like crap because Halliburton stole my oil!
- I support the troops – by giving them something to shoot at.
- You can have my detonator when you pry it from my cold, dead hands.
- Don’t shoot! I’m not a commie Italian journalist!
- I’m not playing with myself, I’m adjusting my bomb belt.
- 72 Virgins taxi service.
- I sure hope these voices in my head are Allah!
- Kerry-Edwards ’04
- Trust me, you DON’T want to be tailgating.
- Mary Kay Burkha Babe Bomber Brigade (pink Cadillacs only)
- You think it’s hot in the DESERT? Try being in my CAR in 5 minutes!
- If you had six wives, you’d be on this mission, too.
- My other car is an IED.
- CAUTION: Delivery vehicle. Watch for frequent stops. And sudden explosions.
- I {heart) the UN.
- How’s my driving? Call 1-800-BLOWDUP.
If you’ve spotted any more “dead giveaway” stickers during your recent daily commutes, feel free to drop them in the comments.
Hey! That “Commie Italian Journalist” sticker was my idea!
Wah!
I saw one once that said ‘9 out of 10 Shahids can’t be wrong’.
I think I saw another one in Myrtle Beach that said ‘My G-d is a beastial warmongering pedophile’,but I might be mistaken. 😉
“If you can read this, you’re toast.”
Hmm…
How bout…
Mohammed is my triggerman.
In case of Rapture car will be driving aimlessly.
Coptics Suck!
Eat my shrapnel.
How about:
“My child is an Honors Student at Saddam Hussein Grade School”.
“I bought this car with kickbacks from the U.N.”
“I run this car on oil I obtained through the U.N.”
“If you can read this, thank an opthamologist”?
For the suicide bomber in you:
“My other car is laden with explosives”
or
“WWJD?: When Will Jihad (be) Done?” (Remember they mostly can’t speak English all that well)
I brake for Mullahs
My honor student blew up your honor student
“My son just graduated from suicide bomb school…{gulp}…they blow up so fast.”
How ’bout a picture of Calvin wearing bed sheets, carrying an AK-47 and peeing on an American Flag?
Proud D.A.R.E. Parent (Decimating American Regiments Everywhere)
“I don’t brake for infidels.”
“Hang up and DIE!”
GEBIV – I’d apologize for plagiarizing you, but you didn’t say “FIRST!”
Therefore you get nothing 😛
“Stop helping infidels or you’ll go blind!”
“Bombs don’t kill people, shrapnel does”
“It takes a village to hide the weapons”
This has to be the funniest line of the day:
“If you had six wives, you’d be on this mission, too.”
LOL
“Shiite Happens (^_^)”
“I {heart} Jimmah Cahtah”
“I want to see 1 million Somalians too; WE NEED BACKUP!”
Or if he’s wearing a shirt that says
“SUICIDE BOMB TECHNICIAN: If you see me driving, don’t try to catch up!”
Woops, that last one was mine…
Apology accepted.
Don’t worry, my Offical Humor Assignment went down a totally different track.
“If You Ain’t Muslim, You Ain’t Shiite”
Don’t Blame Me – I Voted For Sadaam
Hey, we ALL voted for Saddam.
My other car is a 757.
Remember before when I called you lugubrious? Well, that’s still true. F- off and die.
ROFLMFAO! Spacemonkey, you rule!!!
Sunni’s make better bombers.
Do it with a Sunni, It’s a blast.
My President is Saddam Insane.
WWAB
what would allah bomb?
celebrate atrocity
shrapnel happens
allah is my co-pilot
the uni-bomber was an underachiever
My other car is a SCUD
C-4 4U Deliveries
Clinton/Kennedy 08
“Keep honking, I’m rewiring.”
Wouldn’t the car have to be speeding at you BACKWARDS in order to be able to read the bumper sticker.
You’re such an idiot…
“So-damn Insane ’08”
“Ryder”
Yes, that is det-cord in my pants and I’m not glad to see you.
ALLAH IS MY CO-BOMBER
SHAHIDS DO IT ONCE
MY OTHER CAR IS A FORD PINTO
You Toucha My Car, I Blow Up In You Face
“Only 300,000 died when Saddam lied.”
“Insurgents do it with a bang.”
“Liberty and Freedom frighten me.”
“Hillary ’08”
Sprengvergnügen
ET Phone Home
( Evil Terrorist )